Who honestly would have thought a film about vaginal dentata could be so crap...Oh wait......
Yes ladies and gents I've just sat through a film about a girl who's bits can bite of guy's bits...errmmm ok.
By now you should know I like to push my limits and watch some pretty weird and sick things, it's what us horror hounds do but this, it just plain sucked (there's a joke in that statement as if the dude's would have just asked about that they wouldn't be now rocking absolutely nothing down there haha!), I mean this is terrible.
I have to admit the premise made me want to see it, how could it not but my god. It follows a girl called Dawn who is in a Christian abstinence group so of course she's not gonna know what she's rocking down there really. So, yeah anyways, she falls for some fellow abstinence dude and they fight their urges but then he forces himself on her and well you can guess guys! She searches for it yadda yadda yadda, learns to use her vagina as a weapon and leaves it open for a sequel at the end with one of those knowing looks at the camera we all hate.
Wait one second, a sequel hey......TEETH 2: TOOTH DECAY!!! Shit why the hell aren't I in the movies?!?!? A question though, how the hell does she brush it??
Ahh wait who really cares, I mean what does worry me is that from looking around, it seems this has scored pretty highly with the critics, maybe they were pissed that day as it's seriously not very good. They tell me it's scary and funny...errrmmmmmm nope, sorry. It barely raised a chuckle and as for scary, well the only real scary thing I can think of is seeing some guy's cock on the floor totally dis attached from his body! The only real thing I will give this piece of crap is that the braver the lead character becomes the less annoying she is, in one weird we you do sort of egg her on.
I know you're all dying to see the trailer so here it goes....
So onto the winks, I can't honestly give this anything other than 1 VADER WINK! Not as low as I can go but please keep this in mind, if you want to watch a film about penis dismemberment watch Killer Condom, it's German, gory and very funny.
Just remember, we're The Vader Movie Files and we're always looking out for you!
No comments:
Post a Comment