I'm not easily scared but.......

I'm going to let you into a little secret ok? I'm scared of one thing and one thing only.

And no it isn't cute lil Regan here.

And it isn't this colourful freak either (I will admit I can't watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang because of him, well I could but I choose not too!)

No my only fear is much stronger than the both of them put together. I have one large collection of DVD's and I'm proud to say only 3 of them have this "thing" that causes cold sweats and sleepless nights.

My problem.....I forgot which one's they were and about 45 mins ago I popped the disc into my player and sat back to enjoy Spider-Man. And then it hit me, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, a cold sweat came upon my brow....I shit myself in fact (not literally before any of you ask!). The cause of this....and remember to turn your speakers up full whack.





SEE!!!!! I can't even bare to watch that again, today was the first time in around 4 years I've sat through it, and I'll admit it, I'm proud I didn't grab a pillow and sob uncontrollably into it!

I can hear you all laughing now, I can feel it!! It all comes from being a kid and going to the flicks with my Gran. In fact let's go all misty eyed and have a lovely blue haze cover us as Wayne and Garth come across the screen letting us know we're travelling back to how things were........

DO LA LA DO, DO LA LA DO, DO LA LA DO, DO LA LA DO, DO LA LA DO.

I was 6. Every Saturday morning without fail me and my Gran would go shopping at like 7am then be at the cinema for 10am to catch that weeks newest kids release. I'll be hones I can't remember which film it was, but I'm sat there with the sweets we'd bought from the market, me with my sports mixture, her with her bloody toasted teacake coconut thingy's.....anyways, we'd bought a small popcorn and I'm sat there checking out the trailers. The screen fades to black as the final runway lights go out to get us ready for the feature presentation and then it happened.

The certification screen came on.......

Nothing I know so I still sat there all excited and then it started, THAT video. The lightning strikes, the rocks come into view as the helicopter comes overhead and then the worst moment, when in a quite empty cinema and the stereo system pumped up to full, the guitar was struck.

BEEEEEEEEEEEIEENENEINNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Well the sports mixture went 15ft into the air and I screamed. Not just a yelp but a full blown scream.

I felt the tears start to roll down my cheeks as the most chilling sound came into my ears, that little chinking noise to show how amazing the stereo was in the screen. It surround my head in an instant and sent me flying out of my seat, down the aisle and out of the door past the usher who was stood taking tickets.

Yes keep laughing, it's what I'm here to do! Anyways I was finally tempted back into my seat by my Gran who'd, after consoling me, bought me a HUGE tub of popcorn. But the scars remained.....

Even at the age of 14 when me and my mates used to think we were cool getting into 15 films and the occasional 18, when that came on before the film, I used to ram my fingers as deep into my ear as they could go much to the amusement of my friends. The only problem then as sitting eating popcorn whilst not trying to get earwax on it! (Ok I made that last bit up, I washed my hands first!)

Well again, this one's a little bit different from my usual articles, but I'm hoping you all still enjoyed a little insight into my movie going life. Next up will be my list of the 10 greatest horror films of all time!

Oh and catch you on the flipside Vaderites! (haha you even have a nickname from me now!!!)

Comic. Book. Film?? Put it back on the rack and walk away.....Slowly...PART 1

You'll probably know (I'm pretty sure I told you), I'm a massive fan of Comic Book films. What can I say? I haven't grown up yet, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be starting soon. There's many classics out there (Superman, Spider-Man, X Men), but there's a hell of a lot of shit ones, and guess what kiddies we're talking about them right now!!!

SPAWN

Oh Jesus, where to begin, I know, the beginning!! So, Spawn was created by Todd McFarlane back in 1992 after McFarlane left Marvel to set up his own comic. McFarlane helped to, or created as to who you listen too, Venom. Spawn was once upon a time Al Simmons, a CIA operative murdered by his boss, and whilst in Hell offered the chance to gain vengeance by leading the devils army of Hellspawn...still with me? Blah Blah Blah, anyways, due to this creation McFarlane has made a great living by creating such a fantastic character, so primed for a fantastic movie adaptation yes??

BUZZZZZZZZZ WRONG

Oh my lord where do I start? The dodgy CGI? The terrible acting? The seriously shameful dialogue? Let's study all 3 shall we, after you burn your eyes with the trailer of course......


Man, where you want me to start? CGI it is then. Look how Spawn falls through that green...green.....yeah I dunno either. Stand in awe as those chains thrust at the screen like a horny 17 year old after his first alcohol session. And the cape.....oh god the cape. This might not be anything to do with the CGI but also check out the shitty religious undertone with Spawn seemingly crucified upon a gate....

Then there's the acting, damn Martin Sheen, it took him years to regain any cred after some of his film choices, this being one of his best, ok sorry worst choices and he's been in some shit! And that Clown....my god it's....it's JOHN LEGUIZAMO. You know John Leguizamo don't you? No?? Are you sure?? Come on, this guy...

Recognize him? He was in Romeo and Juliet? Ohhhhhh wait a minute you'll know him cos his annoying voice is in the Ice Age trilogy. Oh and he was in The Happening as well, you guys must remember that one, you know with the killer plants? No? ahh well he plays this guy in Spawn.

MMM sexy huh?

Ahh yes my favourite part of this whole thing, the dialogue. how can you not adore a film with such tasty lines as, are you ready for this?? Honestly??

“Get away from me, you fudge packing midget!”

I rest my case your honour, I rest my case.....

 BATMAN AND ROBIN

Ahh Batman, trusty Dark Knight can you do no wrong? Oh wait, yes you can with this pile of steaming crap. The film looked promising, what with Robin being introduced pretty well in the previous installment and Arnie coming in as a villain, what is there not to love? Well this for starters

Where's the air of mystery? Let's just throw out that Alicia Silverstone becomes Batgirl. Let's show Arnie as Freeze and Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy.....Marketing Guys 1 General Public 0!!! Oh and there is the fact it's acted like this.




I'll be honest, there isn't much more that I can add to this....oh yes I can.....


They put NIPPLES on the batsuit, yes NIPPLES!!!!!!!!

That's all for tonight, but don't worry this will be finished soon enough....

In the way of the comic book films.....

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Dinner For Schmucks? Tea For Dicks more like.......

I did it

I sat through yet another Steve Carell film that I just didn't find as hilarious as people like to make out. Maybe it's just me but I don't get it....I'll admit I don't mind watching The Office with him in it but almost everything else....no thanks! As always guys and gals here's the trailer.


Don't worry, I'm not gonna spend the next 200 words (nobody count please!!!) bashing him as sometimes, for example Anchorman, they guy is funny but the majority of the time....UGHHHH.

Let's get onto why we are here though, the film itself. Yes, as I said, I didn't find it piss yourself wet through whilst screaming like a hyena hilarious, but there are certain parts that had me laughing. Anything involving stuffed animals will get a titter out of you, that I promise. Another saving grace of the film is Paul Rudd. This guy has constantly put in great performances in everything from his stint in "Friends", through to "I Love You, Man". He's the everyman character that you just can't seem to not like. Even in this where you feel you really shouldn't like him, his personality shines through and by the end, you'll be on his side.

The bad parts....man David Walliams. Little Britain isn't too bad but jeez everytime he was on screen I wanted to smack living bejesus outta him! And Lucy Punch........damn, the name suits her. How anyone could cast her in the role of a sex mad "hottie" I would never know. Look at her.....

Her name suggests that somebody probably did punch her, quite a few times.

Ok,Ok, I know, a tiny bit harsh as she's not that bad an actress and I guess on second look at her in the film....

She's not that bad, and if the picture she sends in the film is hers, well I'll take it all back!!!!

Anyways everyone's favourite part of the blog, the wink time. Like I've said not a great film, but not a bad one either so on that note I'll award "Dinner For Schmucks"

2 VADER WINKS!!!!

And one of those is just because Paul Rudd is involved!

Afternoon Ladies and Gents....

Ok, ok, ok I know and I apologise, It's been ages since I last posted. I wish I had an excuse for you and I do, but it's been a hard time for myself and my family this past 2 weeks but everything is great again, so you know what this means........

MORE POSTS!!!!!



Yes, I hear you cry in excitement, trust me I've got some great and some seriously terrible films to tell you all about, and I'm hoping, some BIG BIG news as well.


I'd also like to thank everybody who's been spreading the word about the site, I mean when I last did anything on here we were on about 120 views and somehow we've shot up to almost 300, with views coming from as far away as Singapore and Serbia, so seriously Thanks!!!

So as from today, we're back in the swing of things and there will be a few posts tonight that I promise you!

Is it Art or Marketing? Either way it ROCKS!

So I'm sat here putting off sitting through "Dinner For Schmucks" and after posting the previous article and noticing how cool the poster for Buried is, it hit me....

No, not the light fitting from above but an idea. An idea to show you what I consider to be some of the greatest posters from the modern era. Maybe this is the start of me moving slowly away from the opinionated drivel I've been posting the last 5 days, who knows but let's try it. I mean, it could become a regular thing? Who knows? So with that let me present to you

VADER'S FAVOURITE POSTERS OF THE PAST 11 YEARS!!!!! PART I


To start with let's have a look at the poster from our previous post.

BURIED

Now, on first glances this is a complete throwback to something from the 60's. As noted in the previous article, I called it very "Hitcockian" and I'm right. Based on the design of the "Vertigo" poster by the poster creating God known as Saul Bass, this is as simplistic as it can come (also like the film really!). It get's to the point, it gives you an idea what the film will be about and gets you interested. The tagline, "Paul Conroy Isn't Ready To Die" fills you with dread, indicating that this is going to be a race against time.

Second on our list is also a poster from a previous article....

CLOVERFIELD

Well doesn't this one just get you interested right away. The initial thing you're drawn too is the fact that the Statue Of Liberty is missing her head! Anyone who's seen the original teaser trailer(Click Here for the trailer with my original review) will know the grisly end bestowed upon her. Bouncing down the street without a care in the world..... Also take a look at the ripple effect in the water, what could have caused that? Whatever it is, it's caused a huge hole in the skyline of New York. Many people were outraged with this poster as well as the film with the comparisons to 9/11 which personally is a bit silly, I mean what else could a monster do when attacking a city? Tip-Toe through? And check that tagline out, "Some Thing Has Found Us", well from the look of it I'd say yep it has, and it aint happy!! As for what it is, join the rest of us.....

THE DARK KNIGHT

The thing is though, Christopher Nolan ruined us by producing not just one amazing poster but 5 in total! I'm only going to talk about the main one further up but I couldn't write an article on posters and leave out these bad boys! Each one giving an insight into how this was going to be Batman's toughest challenge yet and how the game had changed. Firstly I'm a massive Batman movie geek, I mean SERIOUSLY! Secondly, wow wow wow! I mean we all know the sad part of the whole Dark Knight saga with the untimely death of Heath Ledger. Some say he struggled with entering such a dark place to give us a Joker like never seen before, others say he was just a junkie who got unlucky. Either way we have to thank him for giving us THE iconic comic book villain. Just reading the tagline, "Why So Serious?" sends a chill down my spine. I can hear him saying right now in that croaky voice he found somewhere inside of himself, paying special attention on the "Serious?" part. The eyes look like they've used a coffee cup and a permanent marker pen which to me (and I'm not a psychologist) shows a scatted mind, plotting and thinking always but maybe not fully formed? I don't know! The mouth though looks like the bat sign has been pained on with blood signifying how serious the Batman franchise has just become....and what dark places it will take you.

SPIDER-MAN

On writing about films I've come to realise something, I'm a bit of a fanboy. I mean ANOTHER comic book poster! but the thing is, this one takes me back. Walking through my local shit hole of a cinema, popcorn in my right hand, large coke in the other, I'm making my way to screen 5 when BOOM!!!!! I dropped everything and just stood there in awe.....Spi....Spide.....SPIDER-MANNNNNNNNNNN!!!! I mean in those days I didn't look at movie sites so much I just learnt what was coming out by checking out Apple's Trailer page or by going to the local cinema, but wow to say I was shocked and a little excited was an understatement! I mean come on, there's not even a title just a date....

There he was in all his blue and red glory, throwing up his rock horns, sorry, preparing to shoot his webbing to swing majestically through NYC. I reverted back to being about 5 when I first saw the abomination of the 70's version's of Spidey films and being totally and utterly in love with Spider-Man. I loved what he stood for and by how cool he was, shoot forward 12 years and that love was flowing through me again! I rushed home after the film (Don't ask me what I saw, I really don't remember I was WAY to excited!) and got straight online looking for every last little piece of information I could find. I soon learnt Sam Raimi of Evil Dead was directing (I'd found a crappy VHS copy of Evil Dead 1+2 around 6 months earlier and adored them giving me my other love, Horror!) and found an amazing teaser trailer with lots of little snippets for us fanboys to love (Doc Ock's painting with him named underneath it, a lizard pinbadge) very quickly though, the trailer was removed as the iconic scene at the end had a helicopter suspended in the air by a web in between the Two Towers. As you can understand, the trailers release date was around September of 2001 so it had to go. If you have a search around the internet you will find it, and I do recommend it as it's the type of teaser you long for as there isn't a single shot of Spidey in there!

So that's that for part I of my poster list. I hope, as always, that you've enjoyed the article and let all your friends know about it and get them to come have a look.

VADER OUT!

Those phones work anywhere......

First things first, a round of applause for this poster guys! Does it get any better than this?! Talk about a throwback in Hitchcockian terms, it reminds me so much of the poster for Vertigo.

So, as always lets give you all a quick look at the trailer for this flick and tell me you don't feel the same thing as I did,


Yep, you've got it, DREAD! I mean I'm not claustrophobic, not in the slightest, but man did this mess with my mind!

So let's get to the nitty gritty, it concerns Paul Conroy (a fantastic Ryan Reynolds), a contractor working in Iraq who wakes up in a coffin with a lighter and phone nothing much more. For the next 90+ minutes we we're with him as he makes frantic phone calls to pretty much, the most useless "official" people ever committed to film. I mean they were as much use as a teapot made out of chocolate, yes that useless!

I'm not going to go into much more detail as the film works on so many levels for such a simplistic idea, it's a must see. The fact Reynolds is the only person on screen (apart from a few phone videos) the whole time adds to the emotional weight and throw in the ending which plays all the right strings with you, I challenge you to not like this film!

I've noticed a common theme so far in our early lives together, a lot of the films I've reviewed have been rewarded with high Vader Winks and this one joins that club. Boring I know, but trust me this film is up there with The Shawshank Redemptions of this world, it's THAT good.

5 VADER WINKS!!!

Soooooooooo an update.......

Ok,Ok,Ok I know, yesterday there wasn't a single update nor been any so far today but that's because I have news....

Well not really news what can I say? I've been thinking about where I can go with this blog and how ambitious I can get so here goes.

I know I'll never make any money from this sort of thing, I mean this is just fun for me, a place where I can express my opinions on the one thing I love, Film. I'm not looking to be the next Harry Knowles from AICN, nor one of the experts at ComingSoon, far from it, I'm just me, Mr.Vader! I'm not in "the know", nor do I claim to be (like some we read online!). I just like to share how I feel about the medium of films and I hope so far in our short life of 4 days, that the 88 people who've viewed (so far) what I write have enjoyed themselves. I really don't know how, but I've even had quite a few views from the USA and you honestly can't understand how proud this makes me that my little blog has somehow reached the mecca of movieland!

My aim when I started this was to bring a funny look at films that I love and hate and to try my hand at creating a website, to learn how to code with HTML and in all have a laugh and so far I'm loving it and I hope you all are too.

So onto my plans.......

The first part of my plan is to increase the traffic on here as best I can, I've set up a Twitter and Facebook page which is working so far but I need more people to get on there with me and to spread the word. A plan is in action for this which I'll be setting up in the next few hours, if anyone already following me would like to help please do.

The next part will be looking into contacting a few of the popular sites and asking for ideas and the such, by all means I'm not expecting any help but hopefully they will realise that I'm not in competition with them, far from it, I just would like any feedback on layout, setting up and my writing style. Before anyone asks, I'm not trained in writing nor studied journalism, I'm just looking to have fun.

Following on from there I'm researching the possibilities of starting a podcast and/or maybe a series of videos of me talking about the films I love and hate, maybe getting some special guests in (ok my friends but you get the idea!!)

The final part of my masterplan is to then set up a site with an actual domain, a little piece of the internet I could call my own! As you may or may not have noticed, unlike a lot of the blogs on blogspot, I don't have a single advert as I know hardly anyone ever clicks on them also the fact that as I stated earlier I'm not in this for the money (I mean if any comes along...great haha!, I'm using this as a means to learn and to help me unwind. I do have a real job and a real life but this is my way to get my views across, unlike on a message board where what I may write may just disappear into the dark, murky depths of internet hell!

I've just wrote my first article of hopefully many over at RetroJunk, which I'm hoping can gain me some visitors and some advice on my writing style. I'm always looking to learn as I don't think you can just settle at one thing.
I'm an easy going guy so any advice or criticism is greatly welcomed and I genuinely mean it!! I also hope that you all continue to enjoy my views and carry on visiting me here at The Vader Movie Files!

What I will add is that I'm looking to venture into doing the same thing but for Music and Video Games if my time allows it of course.

I'm also looking if anyone believes they can step up to the plate, to maybe send a few contributions to me and see what we could possibly do? email address is at the bottom of the page under "Contact Us" Or if you have any ideas for my reviews or opinions on one of your favourite films give me a shout!

Onto the good stuff though......