Tuesday, 1 November 2011

Here'ssssssssssss Johnny.......Jason.......Freddy?!? Anyone?!?!?!?!?!?!

Well hello there guys and gals, how we all doing?!?

I did promise us a bit of a treat this week, what with yesterday being Halloween. This would have been posted yesterday but alas a small computer problem put paid to that but we're not going to let that ruin our fun are we?

Nope didn't think so!!

As I did mention the other day we're going to spend a few days looking at a few different horror related things, so let's get this thing going shall we?

The plan I'm thinking would be to have a look at a few horror series, trailers for each one and the such and give you my own little take on them, sound good?

Well of course it does....I'm doing it after all! Let's GO!!!

Now then, 2011 actually sees the first year (well since 2004!) that Halloween hasn't been graced by Jigsaw, sad faces all round please.

I freely admit, I was....no wait I AM a massive fan of the series.Ok, Ok they are rather simple the further they got along and turned more into an extended advert for "how not to use ScrewFix Direct" and porn for the gore hounds, but my lord were they fun! Who honestly thought that something as low key and cheap as the first movie would turn into some sort of horror behemoth? Let's go back to the beginning and I'll show you what I mean...


Ok so we're actually talking about 2 guys, stuck in a dirty bathroom. Fun yes?

Well actually it is! Honestly it really is...Vader Promise! I remember as I've previously mentioned elsewhere on the site how this was a totally secretive film, posters (or "billboards" for you US readers!) sprung up almost overnight a week before release stating,


Well after initially seeing that and laughing (how could you not?) I wanted to see SAW, I wanted to know what it could be. The night came, I'm sat there, popcorn in hand, drink in the other and it started.....2 guys in a dirty bathroom. I thought for one minute I'd stumbled into the wrong film...oh wait, there's a dead due lay in the middle of the floor who's blown his brains out...WOW.....NO WAY, they're chained up by their ankles in this room....WHAT?? There's a serial killer called Jigsaw??

You kinda get the picture, I was mesmerized by what was unfolding up on the screen, I mean I'm not going to ruin anything for you here but "somehow" one of these 2 guys gets free and makes his bid for freedom and then the one thing that SAW became famous for started.

Oh yes Vaderites, THE TWIST! As the series moved along you always knew when it was coming, and no, lack of running time left wasn't it! It was this, a piece of music that became to be known as "Hello Zepp".

It's good that isn't it? As a fan, when you heard those opening bars start up, you got all excited and paid even more attention to see if you'd missed anything whilst watching the film that you could have missed which would have given everything away.

Another defining feature of every movie was the fact that every one was linked in some way either by a character (and I don't mean Jigsaw himself!) or a place/situation.


Yes, ladies and gents the following year we were treated to a sequel which was every bit as good as, if not better than the original! SAW II is generally considered to be the best film of the whole franchise and well, I couldn't agree more!

This one follows a group of people in.....a smelly house, I'm actually starting to notice a bit of a pattern here, maybe in horror films you can't actually have a house or a warehouse of some sort that doesn't smell. I mean come on, you can't tell me Freddy's boiler room smelled good, or Leatherface's family home/abattoir smelt of roses? Hell I bet Jason has the worst body odour of anything you could ever imagine, in fact I can promise you that all these people he slayed with his machete were already dead from him just raising his arm to strike them with it....


Jason lifts his arm to deliver the fatal blow



Splat, machete through the face. Yum.

Ahem where was I? Oh yeahhhhhh this one concerned a group of people in a house which has a chemical being pumped into it meaning that either way....well they're pretty much fucked as they have to make their way out of the house in a certain amount of time whilst dodging and beating Jigsaw's crazy "games". As always, there's a link between the main character and the guys in the house as well as a link to the first film.....fun times.


Ahh SAW III, I remember your release just like it was yesterday, it wasn't, I mean come on I'm not the proud honour of a time machine nor have the need to hit 88mph.

Anyways, as I was saying, there was a lot of hysteria surrounding the film over here in Blighty due to the film being so "graphic" that people were being taken out of screening due to fainting and vomiting, muhahaha what fun!

Actually the screening I was in, there was at least 3 people carried out by friends, semi concious and numerous people being sick and what was I and my girlfriend doing?


I know that makes me weird right? The SAW franchise quickly became a highlight on both of our calendars and we always strived to be there opening night.

Enough of my love life though this one concerned a guy....in a smelly warehouse, see told you didn't I!! SAW III had more of a moral compass compared to the other films though as we follow a guy called Jeff who's having a bit of a hard time after his son was killed in a car crash and as he makes his way through the warehouse he comes across people that were involved in the case surrounding the death and we watch as Jeff makes the choices whether they live or die.

Deep huh?

So yeah as previously mentioned there is a link to SAW II, although minor in the general scheme of things but it does help tie everything in!


Ok, I know this one doesn't actually give you much but maybe that's for the best as the proper trailer pretty much gives away what happens at the end of 3!

A lot of people's complaints are directed towards the fact that we all wanted to know how Jeff's story would end, as after 3 there was a lot that could have happened, but no, it gets sewn up pretty quickly!

In this one Lt.Rigg (from SAW II and III, there's one of your links from previous films!) becomes an unwilling player in Jigsaws games ( in smelly places no doubt!). This is where things started going a bit pear shaped as you feel the writers were struggling to tie everything in with previous films and the twist that follows is pretty much obvious from the first 5 minutes of the film but it's still a bit of fun getting there. We also find out what finally happened to a character we first met in the second film, so yay!

The trailer for this one, of which I'll be honest does show you a character from the 4th film so you get an idea that he does survive what happens to him, but apart from that this film....sucked.

Yes, even as a fan I can be honest and non-objective when telling you my feelings! you get the feeling that some of the events in this are just helping tide you over until the finale of the series whenever that may have been. Which when you think about it, is a pretty stupid thing to do as what would have happened if SAW V failed miserably? (Ok the studio knew it wouldn't as the SAW films had a knack of making their full budget back over the opening weekend....and more)

So we follow an FBI agent (the dude in the trailer and from IV) as he believes he's solved the case of who is Jigsaw's second accomplice, and meh. FBI agenty man runs around in some, I'm guessing, smelly places and so on and so forth. We also get to witness 5 people connected through circumstance going through some real shitty traps in what I can promise you, would be a smelly place! There is one part of this film though that is of some real importance come #7 though so keep those eyes peeled mmmmkay?


Ahh yes SAW VI, another shit entry into the whole SAW canon. I'm not really sure how much more I can add, this time we follow a group of people involved in insurance (who actually do tie into the whole mythology, don't ask) getting their "what for's".

This film just sucked majorly, it also brings in a character we've known about for a long time doing something pretty much out of character and something we have actually learnt over time, they were totally against, but hey, this is Hollywood baby! They do what they like!

Not too long after the release, it was announced that SAW VII would be the final film in the series. Us SAW geeks started getting all excited as we tried to figure out who or what was involved in the background of every film, that one person, or people who had been helping Jigsaw all along. Reviewers in magazines and on websites rejoiced at not having to sit through any more SAW films after the next one, and who could blame them?

SAW had slowly become a shadow of it's former self, a parody almost of hardcore gore porn. The more blood (CGI as well may I add...*GULP) split meant to the produces that more money would be made, and they were right. Forget about story or plot....no it's all about the moolah. And then the one sentence you don't want to hear muttered was announces
"SAW VII....in 3D"
Now I'm the first to admit, I'm not a big fan of this whole 3D revival going on, hell I remember how shit it was back in the 80's and there's nothing about a horror film shot in 3D (of which another film in our choices will be talked about this week!)

I started to worry...was I right to? Join us again after the break where we'll go through the final film in the series and wrap everything up for you in a tight, neat, pretty little bow just for you.

Oh, *ahem* welcome back, now, where were we?

SAW VII (or 3D, you know, whatever)

SEE, even the trailer doesn't even help it's cause does it?!?! All that shit flying out of the screen, give me a break!

I admit, when I saw (hahaha see what I did there...oh) this I worried. This should have been the grand finale of a great but bumpy horror series and it was turning into a complete joke. I think also having to pay like an extra £2 to see it pissed me off a little.

I walked into the cinema all angry (but still rocking the popcorn and drink!) and sat down at the first showing of the day waiting to be annoyed of how they ruined everything and couldn't even finish everything properly.

I was wrong.

Talk about a complete swerve ball and a return to form! Awesome traps, awesome deaths and the mother of all twists!! We go all the way back to the first film here which was a welcome thing after what we'd been through with the previous few films! In this one, we follow a self help guru who falsely stated he survived a Jigsaw trap and has made some money off of it. Our killer isn't to best pleased by this and decides to make him suffer whilst also playing games with the police, who now know the killers identity.

This was what it was all about a great film with such a massive shock of an ending that you sit there mouthing "WTF", oh and I did, I'm also pretty sure I said it out loud too, luckily I wasn't the only one! Yes, I know I keep going on about the twist but it's the big pay off that you'd been waiting 6 years and 7 films for and my lord, was it worth it.

So there we have it Vaderites, the first post of horror week. I hope you had fun reading it even in my strange style. I've been told that reading my writing is like you're actually sat in front of me as if I was speaking to you, whether that's the case, I don't know. I just aim to please and I really do hope you've all enjoyed today's post! I mean even if it makes you go out and rent/buy/steal these films, then hell, I've done a good job I'd say!

So keep well, look after yourselves and one anoth....shit no that's not me, before I sign off though I have one thing to say to someone about the whole SAW saga...


Ahem anyways....