Wednesday, 25 May 2011

McDonalds Saves The Day....I Think?!?

Mac And Me

Wow, I'm back yet again, I must really be bored!! So here we go guys and gals, the final part of our little trip down memory lane. this was the 3rd DVD in that collection I was bought that was a bit of a rare one.

This one follows a young boy in a wheelchair who befriends a little alien (the Mac in question!) and follows them escaping from NASA agents whilst trying to reunite Mac with his family.

Well that doesn't sound like ET at all does it? Oh no, of course not, this is totally different. Why?

Because it is seriously shit!!!!!

If not due to the rehash of ET's story, not by a long shot. This is shit due to it being one long commercial!

I'm not kidding you know. Mac supposedly stands for "Mysterious Alien Creature", but it becomes rather obvious very quickly that it is actually standing for McDonalds! The only thing Mac will eat or drink is Skittles and Coke which leads us to the most obvious product placement of the whole film.

A 5 minute dance number involving Ronald McDonald himself whilst in a McDonalds restaurant!!! If that doesn't scream "EAT HERE" I don't know what else would.

There is a reason that this is classed as one of the worst films ever by almost anyone who has ever seen or reviewed it.

Do you know what makes this even more shameful? And I'm asking you this after you have just seen that trailer. They tried to claim that none of the product placement was intentional...errrrrrmmm ok yeah I believe you.

So there's only one score I could possibly give this film.


And a request that none of you actively go out searching to see this film, and for God's sake, do not buy it!

What I will give you though seen as you will never (I hope!) see this film, is the famous(!) dance scene I was telling you about.

Now go wash your eyes out and think about what you've just done you sick, sick human being.

Vader Out!

Super Joystick Hero Bros. 3

The Wizard

Howdy again Vaderinos. Not bad is it? 2 posts within an hour!!! It's just like when I first opened the site!

As I mentioned in the last post, we'd be talking about another film from my childhood, The Wizard.

This was in the pile of DVD's my missus got me that birthday and my god did I worship this film.

It follows the story of Jimmy, a young boy who is always running away from home with his little lunchbox trying to get to California. It's not really mentioned, but it's implied that Jimmy is suffering from autism. He doesn't say much since his twin sister died in a drowning accident, the only word from his mouth is "California". After what happened with his sister, the family broke down, with Jimmy staying with his Mother and Stepfather and his other 2 brothers (Christian Slater and Fred Savage) living with their father.

After Jimmy is put into an institution, Corey (Savage) decides to break him out and finally take him to California. On the way, Corey realises that Jimmy has a skill at video games and after meeting Hayley, who is trying to get home, they decide to enter Jimmy into "Video Armageddon", a competition being held in L.A.

Along the way they use Jimmy's skill to hustle people out of money to help fund their trip. Whilst travelling they run into a teenager who uses the famous "Power Glove" as his controller who declares he is entering the competition and will win the $50,000 prize.

Whilst this is going on we have the sub plot of Jimmy and Corey's mother hiring a specialist in tracking down runaway kids who is in a battle to find them before the boys father and brother. I have to admit it's a fun little sub plot which shows the lengths people will go to find missing kids.

Sounds like something else really when you think about it, no? Can anybody say Rainman??

What makes this film extra special thought is the actual competition. It was the first time we had ever laid eyes on what is easily the greatest video game of all time, SUPER MARIO BROS. 3!!!! Man, did seeing that on screen get me all excited for finally getting my hands on the game. Personally I'm thinking that Nintendo just used the whole film as one extra long commercial, what with this, the Power Glove and Double Dragon playing big parts in the story, you'd be stupid to think differently.

Here's the trailer for you to get all excited over;

It's now that time that you're all waiting for.....Vader Winks time!!!

Now as you can tell, this film holds a very special place in my heart as I remember loving it so much, and I still do now. It's fun, exciting, serious and has Mario 3, what more could I honestly ask for? As for the score though I have to be totally honest with you guys and that means.....

3.5 VADER WINKS!!!!!!

Yes, maybe not the score you might have been expecting from me but it's what I think it deserves. It has aged considerably and not too well if I'm honest with you, and yet again it's a Fred Savage film where it shows what a talent he had, and what a talent he wasted.

When you actually look at films he's been in with people, it's like his bad luck has rubbed off on them, I mean let's just take a quick look before I sign this one off....

The Princess Bride - Cary Elwes
Vice Versa - Judge Reinhold
The Wizard - Christian Slater
The Boy Who Could Fly - Jason Priestly
Little Monsters - Daniel Stern

All those guys were huge at one point and now, well you either don't hear from them, are in TV shows that suck or DTV releases that are seriously crap. And in all 5 cases there is one common denominator....


Ladies and Gentleman, I rest my case.

Vader signing off till next time......

ARGHHHH Real Monsters?????

Gooooooooooooooooood Morning Vaderino's!!!

So, I'm sat here, I'm bored, I don't know what to watch.

Then.....It happened......

In the corner of my eye I spotted it, a film so obscure that you can't get it on DVD over here (well you can get it on import from the US)

Little Monsters

You see, as a kid we had a guy called "The Video Man" come round to the house. He rocked up in a burgundy coloured jeep and when he swung open his boot it was loaded up with crate upon crate of VHS tapes. We paid him like £5 every 2 weeks and took about 5 tapes off of him. They weren't always the new releases but most of the time they were classics and real random films, you know the type I'm talking about, the sort that the 80's was famous for! Well one day I'm sat there probably playing on my NES (yes kids a NES, one of the greatest computer console's of all time!) and the door went. My mum opened it and there he was, a bright light shining from behind his jeep and an angelic choir started to sing heralding his arrival....or maybe it was pissing it down with rain and you could hear the local kids causing trouble but still, why let it ruin a perfect image?

Anyways, one night I picked up this, and excitedly popped it into the VHS player.

I loved it. It was funny, it was scary, it was everything a weird kid like me would want.

And then I got it on DVD.

It all came about a few years back. My missus asked me what I'd like for my birthday and being a geek like myself I just said how I'd like a few DVD's that I hadn't seen for a few years. My list consisted of...

The Wizard
Mac And Me
Little Monsters

Now you see I'm a lucky guy when it comes to certain things, and finding this woman was one of them. Not only did she get me a pile of DVD's but in the middle of the pile were these 3 classics from my childhood. Now I will talk about the other 2 some other day soon but this is all about the Fred Savage classic, Little Monsters.

So back to the beginning of our story. I couldn't decide what to do today so thought, hell I'll watch Little Monsters. Let me give you a brief idea of what it's about.

The story follows Brian, a 6th grader who's family have just moved into a new house. Pretty soon strange things start happening in the house and after being told by his brother, Eric, that there are monsters who come into the house at night, Brian decides to confront the problem. This leads to Brian trapping Maurice, the monster who's been causing all the trouble. After a few chats, Brian and Maurice become friends and Maurice starts taking Brian on scare jobs, which leads to them causing trouble to a variety of kids from his school. Pretty soon though Brian learns he's slowly turning into a monster and after Eric is kidnapped by the monsters, Brian gathers together his friends and goes into the monster world to get him back.

Sounds fun I admit and as a kid it really was. Maurice was the sort of character you fell in love with instantly, he was crude and naughty and funny and as a kid, the sort of guy you wanted to be friends with.

At 25 though? Wow this film is totally different from how I remembered it! There's swearing, piss jokes and a joke about having your head blown off by a 12 gauge shotgun!! Eyes popping out of someones head!! Monsters melting!! Masturbation jokes!! Faces melted off by light!!

Not really the sort of things you' really want your kids watching. Is it? I didn't think so. I can honestly say sitting here, at 25, I'm genuinely shocked at how adult orientated this actually is. Obviously some kids films have to have something for the adults to see so they can sit through them but this was possibly one step too far, even for me.

As always here's the trailer for you;

Even looks weird doesn't it? Now as I said, it can't be bought in the UK, only as an import but if you look hard enough, you can watch it on YouTube in it's entirety. Now though, it's time for the Vader Winks.

If I was reviewing this from memory 5 years ago, it would probably have got a good solid 4 from me. Now though? Well after sitting through it again, and realising what the hell was going on, I can only give it one score...


Maybe a little low but I can honestly say I'm quite shocked with how adult it actually is! On a bonus note though Ben Savage, who plays Brian's cute little brother Eric, is the guy from Boy Meets World, which I loved as a kid, it was a great programme!

Even more funny though is the guy who plays Maurice. Howie Mandel is his name and it may not mean much to many of us. But to some he is actually the host of America's version of Deal or No Deal!!!! He's also a judge on America's Got Talent! Just proof that even after acting in something like this, you can still make a career in entertainment.

Unlike Fred Savage. He had the world at his feet and now.....He directs TV shows.....

Oh, and he directed Daddy Day Camp...hmmm

Such a shame.

Vader Out

Monday, 23 May 2011

If I Were A Toy.......Or A Cartoon. Hell, You Probably Raped My Childhood Too!!!

It happened again you know. There I am typing out another article and go to do something and BOOM everything gets deleted!

But this time I'm not going to let it beat me! You're still going to get the article, even if it drives me nuts!

So today, we're talking about films that are based upon toys and cartoons. The magic of the cartoons which are based upon the toys is the fact that they are just really 20-25 minute long commercials. So without messing about too much as I have already spent 45 mins on this article so let's get it on!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

This was the inspirtaion for this whole article due to me actually sitting here watching it right this second! The movie is based upon the comic book, cartoon and toy line of the same name. Now being a 90's kid (well I was born in '85, but you know what I mean!) this was my generations ultimate cartoon. It had everything, turtles (which were huge at the time) and ninjas, what more could you ask for? Anyways enough of me reminiscing.....

Released in 1990 at the height of the cartoon and toy's fame, this is the first film I can genuinely remember being shocked and excited that I was going to be able to see it. You see, I was a huge turtles fan! I had it all,

The Toys

The Bed Sheets

The Wallpaper

Ok, admittedly this one is just a poster but it's the best I could find, and my wallpaper was pretty much just that design all over! Back in the day this picture was on everything, hell I even had it on a T Shirt!! This picture actually reminds me of when I was 6, I had a Turtles themed birthday party at home. I had a Leonardo birthday cake (he was my favourite and he wore blue!), out of the 10 invite 6 of us (including me) had the T Shirt I mentioned on and we had pin the tail on Leonardo's mask! Oh yeah we rocked hard that day!!

I also had countless copies of the VHS Tapes they produced at the time. I used to sit there and just watch them over and over (so glad I managed to pick up a DVD copy of these episodes!). It also happened to have the greatest theme song ever...

Oh look it's that symbol yet again. You know what, I dare you not to be singing this for the rest of the day!!

Shit sorry, I got all caught up then and forgot, we're about movies on here!

So yeah in 1990 the film came out. At the time I thought it was brilliant. It was funny and full of action and hell, we got Casey Jones!!! (If you don't know who he is, google him!!)

This is all about a crime wave sweeping through New York City. The cause of the crime wave? Shredder and his Foot Clan that's who!! Our favourite reporter April O'Neil is of course looking into all of this when she is mugged and saved by Raphael (for the uninitiated he wears the red mask!). The Turtles then get involved when Splinter is kidnapped, leading to them finally facing off against Shredder!

Of course on looking back you can see it isn't brilliant but still it's a great ride down memory lane for people of around 25+. As always here's the trailer for you...

What I did learn about this whilst researching it, was that the plot of the film was actually based upon a few issues of the original comic book whilst adding in a few elements of the cartoon series, most notably April O'Neil being a reporter and the boys wearing coloured masks (in the comic they wore red)

Of course being based on a cartoon and toy line this was one successful movie which as we all know had to spawn a sequel, well a couple in fact but we don't talk about the 3rd one nor the dodgy CGI one from 2007! This leads us to the sequel...

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze

Now this is my personal favourite in the series! This is due to the fact it was one of the only films (if not the only!) that my Gran took me to see and didn't actually fall asleep watching! It's also one where I managed to con my Gran, Mum and Dad to all take me separately to see!

The follow up to the first one only came out a year later in 1991 and was a lot more aimed at the younger generation. This was due to the first one keeping the rather dark element of the comic books. What you will notice is that the Turtles barely use their weapons, due to a lot of parents complaining about excessive use in the first film.

This focusses on the ooze which helped create the guys and Splinter. Shredder returns after (SPOILER ALERT) seemingly meeting his end in the first film (SPOILER END) and follows his quest to gain revenge on the whole gang for ruining his plan.

One of the main selling points of this film was the fact that it had a pretty good Vanilla Ice cameo and song in it (Yes, he did do more than Ice,Ice Baby you know).

So maybe it's not too good, but hey, I was 6!!! Let's have a good look at the trailer....

Sadly though as I said, they made a 3rd film which involved them being transported back in time to Japan and shows them helping a village and blah blah blah. Then there was TMNT which I mentioned earlier and again this sucks!

In better news though there is a new live action Turtles film arriving in 2012 which is to be produced by Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes company (the guys who brought us remakes of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre etc) Nothing much has been mentioned about it apart from a single image that was anonymously sent out to movie sites

Not as "cute" as previous incarnations but it looks like they might be trying to go back to how they were originally created, ugly human like turtles that kick ass!

Next on our list is....

G.I Joe: The Rise Of Cobra

Oh my Lord did this suck. Yet again based upon a cartoon and toy line, this

Maybe it's because I wasn't really a fan of it growing up, I'm not sure really but even still anything that puts Channing Tatum front and centre can't be good. This follows a rather redundant story line about some nano filled missiles and an evil group led by said missile designer and a covert group of heroes sent out to regain said missile. Yeah as you can see I have no interest in it at all!
A trailer....

What's more shocking is the fact that the animated movie is 1000 times better than this will ever be and that involved a race of snake people!!

One question I will give you though, which has more acting ability?


 I'll give you a hint, it isn't the human!

Another film based upon the cartoon which again was based on the toy line is....


Right you'll have to forgive me right now as I'm a massive fan of Transformers so my judgement may be a little clouded, but unlike some sites *AICN ahem* I'll be as impartial as possible plus I don't get bought by free stuff, yeah Knowles we're looking at you!!

So after years and years of whispers and waiting we were finally presented in 2007 with a proper live action version of TF! I won't lie, I was dying to see this when it came out. Was I disappointed? Yes and No. You can't imagine how awesome it was to finally see something you'd spent your life watching and playing with finally being realised on the big screen. Yes there had already been a TF movie (we'll get to that!) but this was LIVE ACTION for Christ's sake! Massive robots tearing up shit? YES PLEASE!!!!

Ok, so the story has a lot left to be desired, it follows Sam buying his first car, who turns out to be an Autobot. Sam's ancestor had discovered Megatron trapped in the Arctic and Megatron had lasered the whereabouts of the "All Spark" onto the guys glasses. The Decepticons need the "All Spark" to regenerate etc and it's up to the Autobots to stop them. Yeah sounds interesting, I think not. But the ace in the sleeve for this film?

NOOOOOOOO not Megan Fox!! Although she helps...This guy....

Ok, so maybe he isn't the greatest director who ever lived, but this guy can make beans on toast explosive! Renowned for using excessive explosions and action set pieces, was there anyone else they could have got to make this work? Oh did I mention that Steven Spielberg produces? Robots + Those guys = WIN! 

Of course, when you give the people what they've wanted for years. what's the next logical step? Yep, sequel..

Transformers : Revenge Of The Fallen

Oh man, talk about ruining a good thing. Not only do we turn up the action to 11, but we also thrown in a poor version of a lot of peoples favourite TF (Soundwave I'm looking at you) but we also have some poor toilet humour (Robots have testicles don't you know) and a mild case of racial stereotyping (hello to The Twins)
This follows how TF's had been to earth 1000's of years ago and the pyramids are actually built around a machine made to destroy the sun......errrr ok...... Said Fallen is a bad guy who can only be beaten by a "Prime" but Oh NOOOOOO!!! Optimus Prime gets killed half way through this (Yeah I'm not giving out a Spoiler for that as it's been done before!), so what are we to do?!?!?!

As with most films these days, we will be treated to a third instalment this summer of which I posted a trailer here. Of course this (as G.I. Joe) had a very popular animated movie in the 80's to contend with.

Now that was a film!! It was good fun, it was Orson Welles last credit and Optimus Prime actually dies!! G.I. Joe was supposed to go the same way with Duke dying but since the backlash to OP dying was so big they had to change the ending!! This is also rather popular due to the songs that were in it.

Stan Bush, we salute you.....

I can also tell you now, the toys are still impossible to do and I'm 26 this year. My folks got me Optimus Prime last Christmas as a joke and then took great delight in me screaming abuse at it on Christmas Day as it was getting the better of me, Damn you Prime, Damn you to HELL!!

The last film on our list today is....

Masters Of The Universe

Oh no. I don't think there's much I could add to this! I mean we should all know the story about how Prince Adam can turn into He-Man and fight Skeletor, right? Can someone explain to me why in this he uses a gun and comes to earth? No? Didn't think so!

This is so bad that no doubt one day we will all look upon it as being a guilty pleasure, not me though! This is shit to the highest degree, end of! There has been talk about a remake/reboot of this one day, my God I hope so!

 Oh look another action figure with more acting skill than the actor who played the character!

So there we have it.....or do we........


Ok so maybe these haven't been made into a movie yet but we can hope!


Now this is another huge part of my childhood, I loved everything about this. For years there's been talk about a movie version but alas nothing has come to fruition...... Yet. What has been released not so long back though was the CGI tests for a movie version that was cancelled....sad face time.

How brilliant could that have been? Shame we'll never probably get to see that really. What we can have is a BRAND NEW series though which should be hitting the UK sometime this year!

But lets just spend a few minutes reminiscing....


How warm and fuzzy do you feel right now?

Lion-O We Salute You!!!!


Now if there was ever a call to get a film made of a property, this is it! A film about guys and gals who have special masks and have vehicles that can change into helicopters, and planes etc?? YES PLEASE! Hollywood, get this made now!!!

I mean how could you not want to see this?? And just to get my hands on the toys again....Ooooh I can't wait!
Yes please, that reminds me actually, some bastard stole my Rhino (the purple truck), I will find you one day!!!

So there we have it yet another article for you to hopefully enjoy. I know I seriously enjoyed writing this one as it gave me ample opportunity to have a stroll down memory lane, and nothing can be better than that! It also helped me to remember what an awesome childhood I had and I was seriously lucky to have lived through such a brilliant time in terms of toys, animation and family!

So as always take care of yourselves and remember, Vader loves you.

Vaderinos, I bid you farewell.

Monday, 9 May 2011

What's This, What's This....It's Only A New Blog


Hope you're all keeping well! Just a quick post to let you know I've started up a new Blog ! I'll be honest it's a lot different as it's about food and recipes (another love of mine!).

I'm looking to make this new Blog a totally interactive experience, where you can share you're recipes (Pictures have to be included!!) and share your results in one's I've posted!

So hopefully I'll see some of you guys over there!

If you do want to send your ideas and pictures in then click here!!!

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

Happy Star Wars Day!!!!

Yeah I'm not ashamed!!

May The Fourth Be With You!!!!


Whilst watching the football, I've just been alerted to this fantastic advert which I think is pretty apt with it being Star Wars Day and all!!