Friday, 29 April 2011


OMFG as the kids put it!!!



Thursday, 28 April 2011


So in the Thor post from a little earlier, I made reference to a cracking trailer I saw in front of it yesterday.
It's about a film that poses that question we've all wanted to know the answer to, what would happen if aliens landed on a council estate in London and all that was there to defeat them was a group of pot smoking, cheap cider, BMX riding chavs?

Well it looks like we're gonna find that answer out....Check it out

If I Had A Hammer, A Hammer In The Morning Or Should It Be..STOP! HAMMER TIME!!!!!

Wow.... I promised it'd be here and it is.

Now normally I don't do reviews for things just out at the flicks (Yes I review things that have been out for maybe a few weeks but this is the first one of something I've seen the day it's out!), but this deserved a Vader Wink review.

"Why?" I hear you ask, well let me tell you people, this rocks!!

We all know by now my feelings on comic book films and this....well this was amazing.

I'll admit as I was sat in the cinema on twitter, I turned to my lovely lady and said to her, "I'm not sure I'm going to like this, I'm not a fan of Thor" to which she replied "Behave, you know you will!!" She's not often right you know, but  this time she was right and more. Just so you know she only came because after asking me about it the other night I pulled up a picture of Chris Hemsworth as Thor.

The problem with this? It happened to be this picture...

When she finally finished drooling 10 minutes later she agreed to go!!

So after agreeing we'd go, on Wednesday we arrived at the cinema, I pulled out the ol' iPhone with my "Orange Wednesday" App on it (hahaha and I'm on o2 muhahahahaha" and paid the lady, jeez how expensive is it for the cinema nowadays. Sometimes I wished I still worked at the cinema, then I'd get 15% off my booze and 25% off the popcorn and.....

Sorry about that..... errmm where was I? Ahh yes, so we bought the popcorn and drink and nachos (it was breakfast and dinner all rolled into one!!), and took our seats. Lights went down and we were treated to the trailers. Now I'm one of these people that loves the trailers, it's sometimes the best bit but I can honestly say I don't remember many of them from yesterday just the one (BTW you MUST watch Attack The Block when it comes out, Aliens Vs. Chavs....YES PLEASE!!!!)

The 3d glasses went on and it started. First things first though the 3d in this is fantastic, the depth it shows in Asgard is just delightful and when Mjölnir (That'd be the hammer for the uninitiated of you!) goes flyting through the air there were a few gasps. Ok so these gasps were by the fat guy with the Thor T-shirt on 5 rows back but still!

So, the story. Well it's about Thor, The God of Thunder from Norse mythology, who is rather big headed and cocksure. He's about to be given the throne by his father Odin over his brother Loki (The God of Mischief) when there's a attack in a sort of trophy room. Thor sees this as a sign of war and without asking goes charging into battle with his friends, Sif and The Warriors Three. Well things go kinda tits up and it ends with Odin casting Thor out of Asgard and throwing Mjölnir after him telling it it shall only be used by somewhere worthy of it. Thor ends up on Earth where he is found by Jane Foster (Geek Alert #1) and her team studying wormholes and the such. This is where a lot of the humour comes, usually involving Thor having to get used to the fact he is only human and no longer a God (try not to laugh when Thor is in hospital and just after he leaves it!). The group take Thor back with them where they get him cleaned up, dress him (Geek Alert #2) and feed him. The film is then about Thor trying to get his hammer back (if you know what you're looking for here it's Geek Alert #3, hint for you, man with bow!) and Jane trying to figure out where he has come from.Yes it rather follows a generic formula (man is good, does bad, learns compassion, becomes good etc etc etc), but it is really good fun!!

Really though, you know deep down that this is just a set up film, ready for next years The Avengers (which I imagine Captain America will be the same!) but that doesn't stop it being immensely good.

What I will say to you though, please if you've ever seen a Marvel film before from Iron Man onwards, you know that you have to stay to the end of the credits (which run a good 5 mins or so!) as there's a little tidbit at the end which you'll love if you know anything about The Avengers.

It's that time though Ladies and Gents time for the Vade......

What? Shit you're kidding me?

You're not?

Guess I better had then....

Sorry almost forgot about that yes Vader Winks time.

Well you should know by now I'm a big massive geek when it comes to these things so I have to judge this with my head not my heart....

Ahh you know what, I don't care it's my site and I'll do what I want so there ner ner na nerr nerrrrrr..

Grow up Vader......So yeah I'm gonna give this 4 VADER WINKS!!!!

It's not a classic by any means as you know this is just leading to something bigger and better next year but it could have been a really bad film, luckily for us it isn't, try to catch it you'll enjoy it I promise!

So there we have it, a rather strange review of the my whole experience I think, keep just to the films in future Vader I hear you cry, well maybe. What I am going to leave you with though is this....They started on Tuesday and this came with the press release....Enjoy...

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

I'll Be Back....Well Technically I Haven't Been Anywhere But What's That Between Friends? We Are Friends, Aren't We?

Ladies And Gentleman I have big news.....

At 8.11pm last night April 19th 2011, Skynet became self aware.

Well according to the films it was supposed to but hey ho the date has changed that many times over the years! This one actually comes from The Sarah Connor Chronicles which yes, is a TV show but still it's still an off shot from a brilliant film franchise (Ok,Ok only the first 2!!)

Luckily for us though it isn't real and we're all safe.....but just keep an eye out for the rest of the day as that's when it starts attacking so we might not have made it out alive just yet!!

More interesting is the fact that now Arnie has finished playing at being a politician he's been asked back to be in a new Terminator flick as well as a new Predator (if you've seen the 2 they have brought out from each franchise this past 2 years you'll understand what big news this it!).

Let's just pray the man answers his calling of kicking ass and taking names!!

Arnie we salute you!

Monday, 18 April 2011

The First Rule Of Facebook, Don't Talk About Fac....Oh, Wrong Film...Ermmm

Maybe I just kind of mislead you with the title but, hell you're here now and it'll be worth it. So we all know about The Social Network, you know, the "Facebook" film. The thing I'm betting you don't know is the fact it wasn't the only film about Facebook released last year!

As the poster says, "The Social Network is about the origins of Facebook, while Catfish is about the consequences", and Oh Lord, will it make you think twice about logging back on.

I'm not going to ruin this one for you guys as it's the sort of film you really need to see for yourselves. All I am going to say is, Do you really know everybody on your friends list??

As the trailer shows you, it's about a couple of brothers and their friend who after getting a picture published in a newspaper, Nev (one of the brothers) receives a painting of his picture through the post. What follows is part documentary, part thriller and well part horror movie!! As it says in the trailer the last 40 mins are something else and the worst bit, it's all a "true" story. Now that I guess Vaderinos is for you to decide, but do a little looking around and see what you can find.

Winking time now and well, I loved this film when I first saw it, it was funny, interesting and most of all, it made you think, "Do I really know such and such a person?!?!".

All in all I'm going to have to give this our highest rating possible of 5 VADER WINKS!! But I've also just this second as I'm writing this, invented an award which will only be given to the highest rated films from here on in....


Boo Yah!! Hell yes look at what we just did there, yeah I am that brilliant!

Ahem anyways after just stroking my own ego as I've already mentioned do what you've got to but get hold of this and sit there with your jaw wide open, wondering if you know anybody like this.

Keep tuned as I'm going to have to also give you the "origin flick", I mean it's only fair surely?!?!?!

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

She Bit It Off With Her What?!?!?!??!?!?!!?!?!? No F*&%$^£! Way!!!!!!

Who honestly would have thought a film about vaginal dentata could be so crap...Oh wait......

Yes ladies and gents I've just sat through a film about a girl who's bits can bite of guy's bits...errmmm ok.

By now you should know I like to push my limits and watch some pretty weird and sick things, it's what us horror hounds do but this, it just plain sucked (there's a joke in that statement as if the dude's would have just asked about that they wouldn't be now rocking absolutely nothing down there haha!), I mean this is terrible.

I have to admit the premise made me want to see it, how could it not but my god. It follows a girl called Dawn who is in a Christian abstinence group so of course she's not gonna know what she's rocking down there really. So, yeah anyways, she falls for some fellow abstinence dude and they fight their urges but then he forces himself on her and well you can guess guys! She searches for it yadda yadda yadda, learns to use her vagina as a weapon and leaves it open for a sequel at the end with one of those knowing looks at the camera we all hate.

Wait one second, a sequel hey......TEETH 2: TOOTH DECAY!!! Shit why the hell aren't I in the movies?!?!? A question though, how the hell does she brush it??

Ahh wait who really cares, I mean what does worry me is that from looking around, it seems this has scored pretty highly with the critics, maybe they were pissed that day as it's seriously not very good. They tell me it's scary and funny...errrmmmmmm nope, sorry. It barely raised a chuckle and as for scary, well the only real scary thing I can think of is seeing some guy's cock on the floor totally dis attached from his body! The only real thing I will give this piece of crap is that the braver the lead character becomes the less annoying she is, in one weird we you do sort of egg her on.

I know you're all dying to see the trailer so here it goes....

So onto the winks, I can't honestly give this anything other than 1 VADER WINK! Not as low as I can go but please keep this in mind, if you want to watch a film about penis dismemberment watch Killer Condom, it's German, gory and very funny.

Just remember, we're The Vader Movie Files and we're always looking out for you!

The Vader Winks

What can I say, they are coming back with a vengeance....

I've seen some pretty mental things that need reviewing, so keep your eyes peeled as we're getting on it like the proverbial car bonnet....or something like that, I dunno what the kids say today!!!!

We'll be speaking soon.........very soon