Tuesday, 6 March 2012


This could actually be scientific fact...

What Would Happen If I Said This....

Well helloooooooo there people!!!

Now, if you just take a quick glance to the right of this


Wahey well done there guys, you'll notice I have a twitter feed (Tweet Tweet), so I don't really use it and have like 11 followers (maybe if some of you followed me I might start tweeting but until then, screw you haha) but if you look at the top tweet I mention a film. Well guess what??

You've got it....


(Shit!!! I've just realised if I start tweeting again, then this post is going to become a little bit stupid!!)
No, I'm not talking about the little town in South Wales but a rather cool little horror film.

"Oh fuck, not more horror"....Ermm yep, sorry. Come on though have I ever really let you down? Nope didn't think so!!

Based on a book by Tony Burgess called "Pontypool Changes Everything", it's about a former shock jockey (me either), Grant Mazzy as he is trying to deal with the monotony of a boring breakfast show talking about local theatre groups and traffic reports in a quiet Canadian town.

Things soon change when the "eye in the sky" traffic reporter gets in contact with the station to let them know that something major is going down and many people are being killed. This piques Grant's interest no end much to the irk of his producer. As Grant continues to tell his listeners about what's going on as well as the team in the station trying to confirm these reports, the traffic reporter gets back in contact to let them know that the son of a well known resident is mumbling to himself and seems "infected".

The call is cut off by a transmission in French, instructing anybody to stay in doors and to refrain from any terms of endearment, phrases that conflict and basically the English language and that Pontypool is under quarantine.

What follows is a very clever (sometimes a little confusing if you're not paying attention!) little horror film which will have you talking about it for a time afterwards.

Check the trailer...

Now the question is, are they zombies? Have they had their brain's "reset" (a lá Stephen King's Cell)?

I can tell you now, it's not really explored which could be a bit of a minus point, but there is enough going on in the film to keep you thinking. I will also point out that it isn't really gory either which can sometimes make a refreshing change as I like to think that sometimes that is a bit more shocking than seeing someone's intestines being used to string a guitar you know?

So wink time...

I'm going to award Pontypool.....


As I said, it's a good little film, not amazing as there are better horror films out there for you to digest but if you fancy seeing something that makes you think as well as give you a few little shocks then this is for you.

So there's a bit of a break from the long articles you've had lately Vaderino's, a nice basic review!!

Until next time......

Vader Out!

Remake Or Not To Remake, That Is The Question : THE REVENGE!!!!!!

How do.

Let's not fuck about today shall we, it's the final part of our epic anthology (!!) delving into the idea of remakes and reboots! (If you haven't caught the other parts they are here, here, here and yep you guessed it, here!)

So then, so far we've looked at Platinum Dunes and their constant attempts to sully the good name of classic horror films, a list of some of the biggest remakes and then finally, a list of foreign language films remade for the English speaking world. I promised that with the final piece in this story of ours, we'd look at some future remakes/reboots.

Luckily (or unluckily depending how you look at it!) we have a pretty massive, maybe unnecessary, "reboot" coming in just a few short months, and 2 massive classics in the next year or so.

You ready??

Yeah I though you might be......


Right, I'm going to be deadly honest with you now. I HATED the idea of this. I'm a big Spidey fan have been since I was a kid. The excitement I felt when I first heard they were going to be putting him up on the big screen back in 2000 I couldn't handle it! The cold sweats started and yeah, maybe a little bit of pee came out* but it was going to take yearsssssss, how could I cope?

(*NOTE - I didn't really pee, I'm not 70+*)

(*ANOTHER NOTE - Apologies to anyone who's 70+ who reads this and doesn't pee themselves, I don't mean to offend, even if you might smell of it and murray mints, but who am I to judge?)

Well being an idiot and 15, I went to my local library and book shop and got everything I could to get myself back up to speed, ends up I hadn't forgot that much so that was nice! Anyways back to what I'm on about. So yes, it was announced that Sam Raimi would be bringing your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man to the big screen, and in 2001 we were treated to our first "teaser trailer".

This trailer was a thing of beauty with a few little secrets thrown in for serious geeks fans like me to appreciate. There was one problem with the trailer and it was quickly pulled from the net. I'll let you see for yourself...

Yep, the Twin Towers took centre stage and after 9/11, the team at Sony believed it could be slightly disrespectful and pulled it. I mean, you can't blame them after the atrocities of that day, it's just a shame that this couldn't have been seen by more people.

So in May of 2002, Spider-Man hit the big screen. It was full of action and humour, sincerity and some of the best special effects that had been seen. Retelling the origin of our web swinging hero and showing him battling with one of his most famous enemies, The Green Goblin, Sony had a massive hit on their hands and quickly green lit a sequel.

Spider-Man 2 arrived in 2004 and was even better that the original. More action, an amazing villain in Alfred Molina's portrayal of Doctor Octopus and a great look at a classic Spidey storyline in which he decides to give up being Spider-Man. The film made over $780 million worldwide. Of course what does making money mean to a studio?


Spider-Man 3 arrived in 2007. This time the plan was to show Peters battle with a symbiote which bons to him giving him a rather fetching black suit, sexual yes? Facing off against Sandman and then against Spidey's main arch enemy Venom.

The main problem with 3 though was the fact it felt like Venom had been shoe horned into the film and most probably not at Raimi's request. The story is that Raimi isn't a fan of the Venom character, but Sony know he's a big fan favourite and made sure he would be involved. It ends up we actually get a rather poor presentation of such a "anti hero". The film had quite a few problems, it felt like there was too much going on what with Peter going all "emo" and it was derided by the fans and critics alike, could this be the end?

Well as it ends up, it was but there's actually a few twists and turns first. The film made over a $100 million more than 2 so the next logical step would be to make a fourth. It was quickly announced that Raimi as well as Tobey Maguire would be back. Whisperings started that Sony weren't too happy with the story but then a major coup was announced....

John Malkovich had signed on to play Vulture. Things soon started looking up for Spidey 4, the fans started to get excited again...then the news came in early 2010.

Raimi and Maguire were out, which of course meant Malkovich was too, and Spider-Man 4 wouldn't be happening.

So you can imagine, the fans were disappointed, but things then turned weird when not long afterwards it was announced that there would be another Spider-Man film and more puzzling.....it was to be a reboot.

The fans were in uproar, "it's not even 10 years old" was the cry and then when we heard that Marc Webb (is that not the perfect name for the director of a film about a man with spider abilities?) the director of the "romcom" [500} Days Of Summer would be directing it got even weirder.

He's never done action before so we were worried. Then Andrew Garfield of The Social Network was announced to be our new Spidey people started getting really worried as well as finding out it was yet another origin story. Things looked up when we found out that Rhys Ifans would be playing Doctor Connors who if you know your Spider-Man lore would turn into The Lizard.

Then we got a trailer following Spidey running across rooftop and the such, it looked pretty cool. Then someone on a video game website noticed that it was pretty much an exact replica of a trailer for a game called Mirror's Edge....have a look

Talk about awkward......

A few pictures surfaced of Spidey showing that he'd be using mechanical shooters instead of the questionable "organic" ones used in the previous trilogy, this news brought a few fans around as well as some showing that the film makers would be using a lot of practical effects for the swinging and such.

Another teaser was shown and then only a few weeks ago we were finally given a proper trailer and well....the web (haha) went into meltdown and The Amazing Spider-Man quickly shot into the position of one of the must see films of 2012!!!

I did post the trailer only a few days ago here (along with The Avengers trailer!) but seen as I'm such a cool all round nice guy...

Wow just wow. This could actually be the one time where a reboot/remake is the right way to go about things!! The Amazing Spider-Man is released in the US on July 3rd and in the UK on July 4th!!

Wow, I didn't realise I was just waffling for the majority of that, ahem. Promise I'll keep the rest short and sweet as there isn't that much info out around these just yet!

Oh but quickly, how fucking cool is that poster??

Next up is a reboot that I'm really, really not happy about!


I know I bang on about how such and such a thing is my favourite film and what not, well what can I say? I have a huge list of films that I can class as being favourites, I'm one of these people that can't make my mind up so instead of deciding on just one, I have about 40! The Evil Dead is right in that list (along with it's 2 sequels!)

Following our hero Ash as he goes to a small cabin in the woods with a few friends and stumble across "The Book Of The Dead" (also known as The Necronomicon) The idiots play a recording of the owner of the cabin reciting passages from the book which brings a few nasty spirits and demons to them. The kids start getting killed and possessed left, right and centre and it's up to Ash to get angry on their asses!

It's a fun little flick with a rather strange....well the only way I can describe it is tree rape scene! Yes you did read that right, a tree rape scene. Don't ask just watch.

With the film gaining a cult following and become popular, Sam Raimi (that guy again!) was given the chance to make a sequel Evil Dead 2 : Dead By Dawn. To be honest with you it's pretty much a remake of the first film but with a bigger budget.

Of course with a sequel, you've got to make things bigger and better and fuck, they sure did. Ash (who by the way is played by the amazing Bruce Campbell!) developed a real cocky attitude that included some amazing one liners that have entered into pop culture and his obsession with the chainsaw to a whole other level, wink wink.

With ED2 doing well it caught the attention of the studios who threw money at Raimi to make a third film which followed on the story set up at the end of 2, but the dynamics had changed. The way I like to explain the Evil Dead trilogy to anyone who asks me about it (which is actually quite a few!) is that The Evil dead is a horror, Evil Dead 2 is a horror comedy and Army Of Darkness (ED3) is just a comedy. It doesn't mean it's bad but if you were expecting a gory horror film with a bigger budget you will be let down.

The ending of Army Of Darkness does set you up for a fourth film.....a film that's never arrived and I'd say most probably never will, which is kind of upsetting but we have to deal with it.

Then, a few years back it was announced that a remake was being prepared with Ashton Kutcher down to star. After I stopped choking on my coco pops, it was soon mentioned that he wasn't being considered and things were progressing but slowly, which when you don't want something to happen, is always a good sign!

Things had been a bit quiet for a couple of years until things kicked right into gear in July of 2011. A director was announced and a script had been wrote. Bigger news came when we found out that Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell had signed on to produce, which when you don't want a classic to be ruined, I suppose it a great sign. More news broke that Diablo Cody of Juno (shit film) fame was brought in to revise the script so maybe things are looking up a bit? Or maybe not as it's been announced that the protagonist will now be a woman, I doubt she'll be sawing her own hand off and fashioning a rather fetching chainsaw appendage, do you?

 Ok so we won't know until it's finally released in 2013 and yeah, I'm not happy that they're remaking it but I'll still be there opening night to catch it, I just pray for their sake they get it right.

Those deadites are evil little fuckers when pissed off you know....

Last on this opus is....


Right then Vaderino's, please point out to me what is wrong with that picture.

Yep you've got it "COMING 2010" and we're now in March of 2012 so something tells me there's been a leeeeeeeeeeeeetle bit of a fuck up, don't you?

So this poster was first shown at some expo back in 2008, we had heard there was a remake being worked on way back in 2005 but nothing more had been heard until this popped up. At Comic-Con 2008, Darren Aronofsky was announced to be directing, well this piqued my interest and I'm sure a lot of other peoples. At Comic-Con 2009 when asked about the remake as nothing more had been heard and with MGM having a presence at the show, it was said that there would be no information available about the film. They would say though, that due to a few scheduling conflicts the film would be pushed back to 2011, but wouldn't confirm or deny if Aronofsky was still involved. This should have set the alarm bells ringing and soon enough in January of 2010 it was announced the film was on hold. One of the main problems being that after the board of MGM had seen Avatar and the success of it they wanted it to be in 3D. One small teeny wincey problem there, MGM were...well financially a bit fucked.

Then in February of 2011 news came out that MGM still had plans to make the film but with a new director attached and then the news started to flow like a broken toilet full of shit.

March 2011 a screenwriter was announced and then in April 2011 it was mentioned that MGM were apparently looking at people like Tom Cruise, Keanu Reeves and Johnny Depp to step into Alex Murphy's rather shiny shoes. Talk about a turnaround, things looked good. And then in June of that year at another expo, more promotional items were shown of which you can find the pictures here.

Then only a few days ago in fact, on March 3rd 2012 it was announced that Joel Kinnaman would be playing Robocop....Can anybody say "Let Down"????

So there we have it concerning the remake, but for the uninitiated ones of you in the audience I'll just let you know about the original...

Released back in 1987, set in Detroit which is now run by a company called OCP, we follow Alex Murphy, a veteran cop reassigned to a tough new precinct due to OCP reassigning the force in the hope that someone will be killed in the line of duty and be implemented into their new cyborg programme. Of course Murphy's first day goes really well and he dies. Well ok he's sadistically murdered by the local nutter but still, he's dead. Well.....of course OCP now have that body they need and Murphy becomes the first "Robocop".

We watch as Robocop tries to integrate into a bigoted police force and deal with the remaining memories from Murphy whilst trying to save Detroit from the criminal who murdered Murphy and OCP.

The film became a hit not only due to the violence and story but due to the director's, Paul Verhoeven, social commentaries on things such as capitalism, corruption and privatisation.

Now I've always loved Robocop, due to being around 5 (the sequel was released in 1990 so it was all over the TV) and knowing all about him but also not being allowed to watch the original film. Of course I'm an only child, so I conned my parents into renting me the original (which was an 18 here in Blighty) and sitting down to watch it with me. We got up to Murphy being mutilated with shotguns before they turned it off, so I had to wait a few years again until I could finally watch it all the way through. It did make me the coolest kid in the playground though, I was the only one allowed to be Robocop due to me getting to see the film (they were 5, I could have told them that Robocop rode a unicorn and the dumb fuckers would have believed me!!) and also as I did the best impression of him walking, sound effects included free of charge!!

I wouldn't say Robocop was a large part of my childhood, although the short lived cartoon series and subsequent video games and action figures certainly helped it become a part of my film loving mind. This leads me to the question, am I sure I want to see a remake??

Yes I do as the sequel and subsequent threequel weren't very good, mind you neither was the live action TV show but what can you do?

But I also want to say No, as I don't honestly believe you can do any better than what Paul Verhoeven achieved.

As always I'm going to have to just wait and see what they can muster up.....if they ever manage to actually get it to the big screen.

So there we have it guys and gals, the journey is ove...What?


Aww fuck sticks....I'm so sorry that I even forgot...

Sorry haha but on an added note check out the use of the Terminator theme haha. It's actually quite ironic as a comic book and video game was made on the idea of Robocop Vs. The Terminator.

Now where was I? So yes, the journey is finally over, I hope you've enjoyed a look into remakes and reboots and I hope you're now asking that question.

It is worth it?

You tell me.

Vader Out....

PS. Oh by the way, we may, just may be getting a guest reviewer in to have a discussion over a few things! Whether it will be a straight forward review or something like a transcript of us arguing over the best and worst points of a film, I don't know, it's totally up to them at this point in time! I'll keep you updated though!.


Remake Or Not To Remake, That Is The Question : The SEQUEL ( But Not As 2 Parts Have Come Inbetween Them But Shhh)

Well it's been a rather prolific few days here for me. I seem to be churning out articles left right and centre, no complaining right!!

Seriously I get moaned at for not doing anything for awhile so be thankful!!

Ahh you know I love you really! So let's knock this horror remake piece right out of the park shall we??

First things first though guys, do have a look back at the first part here, as if you haven't seen it then this will seem preeeeeeeety weird. Not really as you aint stupid but even so have a look and get caught up (there is 2 parts in between this and that, but it's mostly just information in them so it's up to you if you want to read them!).





1986 was the year. Just like in 1975 when Jaws made you not want to go back into the water, The Hitcher made you not want to pickup somebody stood at the roadside.

Right seriously though, why would you even dream of picking up someone?? "Oh I'm lonely, I know what to do!! I'll just pick up that rather lovely looking man holding the severed head and a sign wrote on a piece of cardboard with someones blood as ink, it's ok though, he's going the same place I am. Hopefully we can share the driving and maybe play I-Spy!".

No, No, NO!!! You just wouldn't fucking do this in the real world would you? Luckily this is movie land, and anything goes!

Following a complete moron called Jim who decides to pick up said Hitcher, Hitcher decides to let Jim know that he murdered the people who were in the stranded car they've just passed. The film then turns into a bloody game of cat and mouse.

I won't lie, it's a fun film this one and like I did say, you would question why you would ever pick up some random on the side of the road. And seriously how fucking scary is Rutger Hauer?

Trailer time....

Of course a popular horror film these days can't just be consigned to history can it??

Oh no, it can't....

Right first things first, I'll come right out and say this, it's a cool poster. There we go guys said it.

Then there's the film....

Oh man, it sucks! I mean really, sort of like a 75 year old hooker with false teeth that she takes out for an extra £10!! Yes, that much, oh and I'm sorry about the mental image you no doubt have there!!

As they're "kinda wacky" at Platinum Dunes, they decided to change things up a little bit, yes guys they change the main character into a woman. Now I'm all for equal opportunities but the whole point of the original was it was man vs. man. No we're treated to man vs. screamy woman and an attempted rape.

I'm all for horror films being about the woman up against long odds and some scary guy but in those films you don't get the bad guy trying to give her one even when she says no do you?

Have a look then....

More shocking to me is the fact that some people rave about this......oh no.

Next then...a classic in the horror genre and a personal favourite of mine...


Oh yes, now we're talking! I'll be honest, the previous films we've spoke about I haven't been a big fan of the original, let alone the remake. This though, I'm a massive fan, I love how "scary" it is, how corny it is and just how plain stupid it can be but do you know what?? I wouldn't change it for the world.

Released in 1980 intending to cash in on Halloween (I won't even acknowledge the remake of this!) Friday The 13th took off and morphed into it's own monster. You show anybody a white hockey mask and I can promise you they'll say "Jason!" Comics, TV Shows, 10 films (11 if you include the crossover Freddy Vs. Jason), CD's, Computer Games, fuck even a board game for us in Blighty!! This thing got huge and quickly, not loved by the critics at all but who cares??

Here's the thing though, Friday The 13th didn't even star our "hero" Oh no, Jason didn't come to the forefront until Friday The 13th Part 2, this was all about his mother, Mrs.Voorhees!!

Yes sweet little old Mrs.Voorhees doesn't forget a grudge as the whole point of the film is her trying to avenge the death of her sweet little Jason. Poor little mutant looking bastard drowned at Camp and she took it upon herself to kill the 2 people she held accountable as they were too busy going at it! One problem then arises when some inconsiderate bastards decide to re open the Camp, and psycho bitch isn't happy about this and takes them all out one by one. Oh and Kevin Bacon is one of them haha!

Have a looksie....

Right I realise now after reading, that I may have just ruined the film for you, tough shit really!! If you didn't know that happened then I'm ashamed of you and request you go and hang your head in shame in the corner of the room, go on, GO!

For the rest of you that have stayed, how cool is trailer voice over guy in that hey??

Let's move on to.....the "reboot" as they officially called it

I'm going to admit it again, what a fucking cool poster. Maybe it isn't the one they used to market the film much but fucking hell, it rules.

Then there's the film.

Originally slated to be an "origin" story, the writers soon realised if it was an origin they couldn't have the cash cow himself involved. So they quickly mashed up the first 4 films and spat this out.

Starting with Jason actually seeing what became of his mother at the end of the original film (which remember never existed) we are fast forwarded 30 years to see Jason start killing people and kidnapping one poor lass as she looked like his Mum when she was younger....weird. Jason of course starts killing more people and yadda yadda yadda...


So ermm yes. I'm not sure what to say to you now.

I will let you see this though...

Told you he looked like a mutant didn't I? Did you believe me? Well I hope so, my isn't he dreamy?

I know thought if we're talking about the man you want to see him in all his overalled, hockey mask wearing goodness so here you go!

Right then I've been putting this part off... The final horror film in our look at remakes and reboots and this one riles me up more than anything else.


Yes guys, ANOES (as it shall there forth be known!) is a classic. Easily one of my favourite horror film it has everything you need.

It's scary, it's funny, it's gory, it created a true icon.

Oh yes we spoke about how Jason became a star but he pales in comparison to what Freddy became. He's a legitimate pop culture icon. You name it and Freddy's face has probably been plastered on it at one time or another!!

Back in 1984 ,following poor Nancy, a girl who has started suffering from dreams involving a boiler room, a badly burnt man who is rocking a razor sharp glove. Her friend had the same dream but in hers this guy catches her and slashes at her, luckily for her she wakes up at the right moment to find her nightie has four slashes across them. Nancy proclaims everything is ok and tries to get on with stuff. Problem is Nancy's friend dies as her boyfriend looks on and sees slashes appearing on her body as if out of thin air. Nancy soon realises that it must be the man from her dreams. Scared she refuses to sleep and does everything to stay awake but it becomes a waste of time as she is soon drawn into a battle with the man who is now known as FREDDY KRUEGER!

We are given a back story that Freddy was actually a child killer who lived on Elm St. back when Nancy and her friends were kids. Freddy is let off on a technicality by the police so the vengeful parents of Elm St. track him down to his boiler room hideout (which explains why he's there in the dreams) and they set fire to it with him inside. now of course as the film series progressed this was fleshed out more (Check out Freddy's Dead : The Final nightmare as it's explained pretty well and also explains how he came back)

Freddy who, let's be honest is pretty pissed off, decides to come back to kill the kids of Elm St. he didn't get chance to first time round as well as get revenge on the parents who killed him. This is also linked in to the rest of the series so don't worry you'll understand what's happening.

Have a gander...

Oh I didn't mention that this was pretty much Johnny Depp's first movie role (pretty iconic as well once you watch it), he also turns up as himself in Freddy's Dead which is fun!

As the film series progressed, the producers, directors and writers soon realised that Freddy was the reason people came to watch the films and played on that. It wasn't about seeing the teenagers survive, it was all about see how Freddy would kill them and his one liners (WELCOME TO PRIME TIME BITCH!).

Of course nothing good lasts forever does it?? Of course not, so in 2010 we got this

Right let's be honest, why the fuck does Freddy look like a fucking alien?? Seriously guys come on!

Secondly this was really shit. It was like God had decided one day to just shit on everything and say "There you go, that's better"....it really isn't.

Where do I start?? No really, where??

Ok how about the fact they changed Freddy from being a funny child killer (yes I know that's not good but this is a movie, it isn't real) into a sadistic paedophile after the girl he loved when she was a kid and he couldn't have his way with her.


Yep seriously.....

I'm not going to sully this site even discussing this abomination anymore, they even tried to replicate the iconic twist at the end of the original, and made it look shit.

I don't want you to but here's the trailer for you to watch.

In fact after rewatching the trailer it's more apparent to me that all they wanted to do was take the iconic set pieces from the original and redo them so the kids of today can see it and go "wow that's like soooooo cool"

Yeah I'm feeling rather ashamed now, not for me guys but for them. We've just got to pray they go out of business so we don't have to suffer anymore.

I mean come on, this isn't Freddy...

No way....this IS Freddy....

See he's even smiling for you. Right I know the first one is a picture of a toy but the film is that dark you can't see him properly add in they didn't release anything promotional wise that you could see him properly. I mean Freddy was mostly in the dark in the original but that was due to the budget. Fuck in the remake they used CGI as well as prosthetics to make Freddy look like that.

I know what I'd rather have spent my money on. Add in the Robert Englund IS Freddy Krueger, it didn't matter how Jackie Earle Haley played it, he would never be Freddy, end of.

I'm not saying I'm a big Freddy fan but I actually have a signed picture of Englund in full Freddy make up and it's a prized possession. I am a geek.

So there we have it a look at the main horror remakes of the past 10 years or so, all done by Platinum Dunes. A Few classic films ruined due to people not understanding that golden rule.

If it aint broke, don't fix it.

Until next time.

Vader Out!

Monday, 5 March 2012

Rehacer o no para rehacer ... esa es la pregunta ..... La adición de Relaciones Exteriores

Haha see what I did there??

I'm so clever....ok I guess I should say thanks to Google Translate as well!

So in our previous visit to this world, I mentioned the English language remakes of a few foreign films so I thought now is the time to get that done and out of the way so I can finally finish the horror section and future look and then put this bad boy to bed. So let's get right to it....


The Eye - 2002 + 2008
Infernal Affairs - 2002 which became The Departed - 2006


La Cage aux Folles - 1978 which became The Birdcage - 1996
Le Diner de Cons - 1998 which became Dinner For Dicks Schmucks - 2010
Neuf Mois - 1994 which became Nine Months - 1995
Taxi - 1998 + 2004
Trois Hommes et un Couffin - 1985 which became Three Men And A Baby - 1987
La Totale! - 1991 which became True Lies - 1994
La Jetée - 1962 which became Twelve Monkeys - 1995


Profumo di Donna - 1974 which became Scent Of A Woman - 1992


Dark Water - 2002 + 2005
Yojimbo - 1961 which became A Fistful Of Dollars - 1964
Ju-On: The Grudge - 2003 which became The Grudge - 2001
Gojira - 1954 which became Godzilla - 1998
Seven Samurai - 1954 which became The Magnificent Seven - 1960
Chajushin Ari - 2004 which became One Missed Call - 2008
Kairo - 2001 which became Pulse - 2006
Ringu - 1998 which became The Ring - 2002

A Tale Of Two Sisters - 2003 which became The Uninvited - 2009
Into The Mirror - 2003 which became Mirrors - 2008


Insomnia - 1997 + 2008


Abre Los Ojos - 1997 which became Vanilla Sky - 2001
[REC] - 2007 which became Quarantine - 2008


Den Osynlige - 2002 which became The Invisible - 2007
Let The Right One In - 2008 which became Let Me In - 2010
Män som hatar kvinnor - 2009 which became The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo - 2011

Shutter - 2004 + 2008
Bangkok Dangerous - 1999 + 2008
Obviously I've left a few out that I don't think you'd be perfectly interested in so don't hold that against me. Looking through these lists thought it's apparent that 2 countries have given us more "quality" than the rest.

Yes Japan and France I'm looking at you! (I never thought I'd be saying that about France!!) Not all brilliant films but the fact that someone had the idea to remake certain things (True Lies, Twelve Monkeys, A Fistful Of Dollars, The Magnificent Seven) means that the world was treated to a great story and some brilliant film making.

So there we go guys, 3 parts down, 2 to go....hope we're all ready!

Vader Out!

Quick Update

Well really the fact is just downloaded Blogger for my iPhone and wanted to try it out!!

Oh and I'm watching a film called Textuality....it's so shit that I'd prefer to get a rusty teaspoon and gouge out my eyeballs before castrating myself and washing the wound in vinegar....talk about a vinegar stroke!!

Yes I still make shit jokes!!

It's ok I turned it over and now I'm watching Lethal Weapon 4....I don't know what's worse really.

Remember, nothing good happens after 2am...gotta love How I Met Your Mother, funny be so true!!

Vader over and out!!

Ps. New article up at 12pm!

All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy PART II

I did say didn't I? I promised I'd be back so...


These Shining jokes just write themselves you know.

Last time we were together I told you all about Stephen King's works being adapted for the big screen and I purposely left a few of the bigger ones off, and now you're going to find out why!

I present to you, my loyal Vaderino's...


I agree it does sound weird but there is a reason behind it and now I'm going to be sharing it with you all. you lucky so and so's!

The term "Dollar Deals" and "Dollar Babies" was a term coined (guffaw I'm so funny) by King to explain how he sells his permission to adapt one of his short stories to a group of students/ aspiring film-makers/ theatre producers. His fee?? Yep if you hadn't already guessed it's $1!!! Who'd have thunk that hey? Well depending the title of this part has dollar referenced twice.....

Aaaaaannnyyyyyways, the terms of the deal state that the films can't be exhibited commercially without King's explicit approval. The deal includes if you do adapt one of his short stories, King likes them to be sent directly to him, he'd watch them then place them upon his "Dollar Baby Shelf".

With using this sort of deal, King can retain all rights to his property, he just gives exclusive permission to the film-maker to make their own non-commercial adaptation.

Well of course there has been a few exceptions to this rule as a company called "Granite Entertainment Group Interglobe Home Video" (Fuck is that a mouthful!), negotiated and purchased the rights to commercially release a select few on VHS in 1986. These shorts being, "The Woman In The Room", "The Boogyman" and "Disciples Of The Crow". This collection came to be known as "Stephen King's Night Shift Collection".

From 1977 thru to 1996 the known Dollar Babies are -

The Boogyman - Jeffrey C. Schiro.
Disciples Of The Corn - John Woodward.
The Woman In The Room - Frank Darabont.
Srajenie (The Battle) - Mikhail Titov.
The Last Rung Of The Ladder - James Cole and Dan Thron.
The Lawnmower Man - James Gonis.
Here There Be Tygers - Guy Maddin (never produced).
The Sun Dog - Unknown.
The Man Who Loved Flowers - Andrew Newman.

Now, just because you've managed to snag the rights to adapt a version of King's work doesn't automatically mean you'll do anything in film, tell you what as I'm so nice, let's have a look what these guys have done.

Jeffrey C. Schiro became a editor, mostly on TV Shows and a few TV Movie's. He did thought, direct a story for the "Tales From The Darkside" TV Series.

John Woodward did nothing of note really when you take a look at his IMDb. 3 films directed in total, 1983, 1990, 200 so I'm going to say he's pretty much due one soon, wouldn't you?

As for Mikhail Titov, there's not much information about for him, there is someone on IMDb who has the same name, can't be that many of them knocking about can there? This person on IMDb has worked in films, mostly animation so I'd say this could possible be him.

Daniel Thron seems to have done really well for himself to be honest with you. Working in visual effects on films such as Zodiac, G.I Joe (ugh), The A-Team, Tron Legacy and Transformers : Dark Of The Moon. his directing partner James Cole has done.......fuck all!!

James Gonis only did the one thing which was his Dollar Baby, we weep for you poor man.

Guy Maddin seems to have had a pretty successful career making 41(!!) films as a director, none of which I have ever heard of...but still 41!!!!

Andrew Newman is more of a producer these days, working on British TV on shows like, Peep Show, Fresh Meat and Pete Versus Life. He was also a writer on "Da Ali G Show", so you can pretty much blame him!

Now if you hadn't already noticed, but I've missed someone of this list, by far the most successful of all the "Dollar Babies".

Frank Darabont

Now this guy has definitely made a living out of working on Stephen King adaptations.

The Shawshank Redemption : The Greatest Movie Of All Time™ was actually Darabont's first stab at directing a feature film, talk about the only way being down after that! Next up was his version of The Green Mile, which is almost always on everyone's top 5 or top 10 lists of films. Lastly he also directed The Mist, which although it's about interdimensional beasts attacking a supermarket, is a brilliant film with easily one of the most bleak endings ever (I defy you to not cry!). Also if you do get the chance, please do try to see it in black and white as Darabont originally intended, it hits even harder.

Currently, 96 Dollar Babies have been made and 90% will probably never be seen by public eyes, commercially at least, but you never know, stranger things have happened and we may just end up with another Frank Darabont through this.

Have a look at the trailers for The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile and The Mist.

Vader Out.........

Sunday, 4 March 2012

All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy...

Yes, it's me, yet again!! I really don't know what is up with me at the minute! I'm feeling it, shall we say!!

So now I've decided to talk to you about one of my favourite authors, Mr. Stephen King.

I love this guy, his books and short stories are a genuinely good read (Yes I don't just watch movie's you know, I can read!!) and I can honestly say I've never read a bad thing that he's created in that warped mind of his!

Not counting any adaptations for a TV movie or series, the guy has had 35, yes 35 of his works turned into a feature film, and I'm not even counting the one stand alone screenplay he created there! That's pretty impressive if you ask me, I can't honestly think of any one author who can even come close to that number, can you? I didn't think so guys, this man is something else. What's more impressive is the fact they're not all horror films as a lot of non King fans might have you think. There's even a few shocks as to what he has actually created thrown in for good measure!

I know what you're thinking, "shit, not another list!" but this one is worth it, trust me!

I'll give you a little legend as well so you know what I mean

* is a based on a short story.
+ is based on a novella
- is an original screenplay.

The Shining
Creepshow *
The Dead Zone
Children Of The Corn *
Cat's Eye *
Silver Bullet +
Maximum Overdrive *
Stand By Me +
The Running Man
Pet Semetary
Graveyard Shift *
Tales From The Darkside * (Cat From Hell)
Sleepwalkers -
The Lawnmower Man *
The Dark Half
Needful Things
The Shawshank Redemption +
The Mangler *
Dolores Claiborne
The Night Flier *
Apt Pupil +
The Green Mile

Hearts In Atlantis +
Secret Window +
Riding The Bullet *
1408 *
The Mist +
No Smoking * ( A Bollywood film based upon Quitters Inc.)
Dolan's Cadillac *
No come on, that is one mightily impressive list there don't ya think? Now I know some of you will be thinking where is "IT". Well people, "IT" was actually a miniseries developed for TV that was then released in"film form", so it doesn't actually count! We've also got some "Made For TV" movie's like "Sometimes They Come Back" and "Storm Of The Century".

So the plan is now to pick a couple out and do a quick review on them so you get your pictures and trailers, how nice am I to you hey?

What you will notice is that I'll be missing two of his most successful adaptations out as I have another article where they will be coming up in it.

So first up is.....


Directed by the master known as Stanley Kubrick, this is a favourite of a lot of horror buffs such as myself.

Well apart from the main guy himself, Stephen King. He despised this adaptation so much so that he created his own version for TV back in 1997. The only way he could get it made was if he agreed to stop slagging of Kubrick, so that gives you an idea of how he felt about it!

Following Jack Torrance (an awesome Jack Nicholson) as he takes his family to a hotel where he'll be the winter caretaker so he can work on his writing, the isolation of the hotel and some very dodgy goings on leads to Jack slowly losing his mind and deciding to kill his family for something to do. Add in his son has also got some telepathic ability it makes for some fun and games.

Well not really if you can't a hallway full of blood, some scary dead twins and an ugly naked ghost, but meh that doesn't matter.

King felt that Kubrick took too many liberties with his novel and made it public he wasn't a fan. By all means search it out yourself and you be the judge. I personally like the film but I do love the novel more, I guess I have a good imagination as I could picture everything King wrote and when I saw Kubrick's version it wasn't how I envisioned it, but that's just my personal opinion.

Here's the trailer...

Ok so I know it doesn't say much but trust me give it a go, you'll be impressed.

Next up is...


Now this is a film I only finally got to see a few years back. It was well worth the wait. A dark psychological horror it shows what happens when someone gets a bit too excited and starts to believe that what somebody writes in a novel is the truth (you people take note over what I write ok and don't go mental on me!)

James Caan plays Paul Sheldon, a famed author who decides to kill off his most famous character. Travelling up to the cabin he uses to write his novels, he starts working on a new unrelated story. On his way back west he hits a blizzard and crashes. Awakening with 2 broken legs and a dislocated shoulder, Paul is totally bedridden but luckily for him, his "number one fan" Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates) came across him and nurses him. One main problem though, Annie adores Paul's Misery books and on purchasing his latest, finds out that Misery has been killed off and goes a little bit....crazy shall we say? What follows is a taut scary ride as Paul realises nobody knows where he is and Annie has previous for killing people.

Oh I will say keep an eye out for the sledgehammer scene and tell me you don't wince or look away, even I had to at one point!!

Have a look....

Last but certainly not least is a classic coming of age tale that a lot of people honestly don't realise is a Stephen King story


Yes, Stand By Me is based on a novella by Stephen King, told you it wasn't just horror didn't I?!

This film goes onto a lot of people's favourite lists due to it being a great film with some amazing acting by the likes of River Phoenix, Kiefer Sutherland, Corey Feldman and Jerry O'Connell.

The story is about a group of 4 boys who hear that there is a dead body just out of town, so we follow them on their journey to not only find the body but find themselves.

Yes I know it sounded so clichéd, fuck even I knew it was when I wrote it but honestly it's the truth. I adore this film and I demand you see it. That is all.

So there we have it, a quick look at the best adaptations in my opinion of Stephen King's works. Like I said I've purposely left out a few as there's something special coming up in the next few days that will possibly explain as to why King's works are used so much.

So until Part 2...

This is Vader signing out.

All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy

Sorry....that's one poor joke there!

Remake Or Not To Remake, That Is The Question....THE REMAKE!!

I don't know what is up with me today but here I go again with yet another post....

Maybe I'm ill, maybe I'm bored, maybe I'm just lonely (aww) Ahem anyways.....

Last night I was sat here and I was thinking as to how to do the next part of this article and I started researching remakes and started making a few notes...

There have been 100's and 100's of remakes, the majority being horror films (which I'll touch mostly upon in the next part) and foreign. A lot of films have been remade more than once as well which makes you realise that it isn't just a recent thing in general.

For your consideration thought guys, I've picked out 78 that have been remade and I'm going to list them here for you with the years they were originally made and then remade.

Apologies for lack of visual stimulation for now and if it might seem boring but it needs to be done.

OCEANS 11 - 1960 + 2001
THE ITALIAN JOB - 1969 + 2003
SCARFACE - 1932 + 1983
FUNNY GAMES - 1997 + 2008
ALFIE - 1966 + 2004
APRIL FOOL'S DAY - 1981 + 2001
ARTHUR - 1981 + 2011
ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 - 1976 + 2005
BAD NEWS BEARS - 1976 + 2005
BLACK CHRISTMAS - 1974 + 2006

VADER.....GET THE TABLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's ok guys, it's only me again, and this time I've brought an even more ambiguous title with me...

So last night was Saturday night and being the popular, cool guy that I am...I was at home. Yes ladies and gents I have nothing better to be doing with my life at the moment and I'm single. What a surprise I hear you say (fuck you by the way!) so I don't go to the cinema as much to see anything new hence the abundance of old films being reviewed and talked about.

Oh, I am taking applications though, you have to be female, 21+, normal and not smell, that's all I ask... emails to here please (do enclose a picture as I don't want you to be some sort of hideous CHUD do I? By all means if you choose to be naked or in a state of undress, all the better!)

Alright so maybe I'm joking there (or am I??)

Now, as you should now hopefully know, my name doesn't come from Star Wars, as personally I can't stand them. Blasphemous?? Possibly, but I just don't get the little cheap thrills over them that so many geeks do, sorry.

Oh yeah, right my name. So errmm yeah, Vader doesn't come from Darth but rather from The Big Van Vader. Now, I know the majority of you will be sat there looking at that and thinking, "WHO??"

Well let me tell you now, the guy was a beast, a complete fucking monster, see....

So yeah, this is where the nickname comes from, I don't know either....Maybe I have to have a few chats with my mates over why they called me this as I don't look like that....hmmm

I know it seems I'm going on, but there is a reason behind all of this....


Yes, I'm not afraid to admit it, I grew up a fan....and I wonder why I'm now single hey?!? So, over the years, I've submitted (haha see what I did there...no? oh ok) myself to some rather shocking films based on the "sport" (David Arquette, I'm looking at you here buddy, not only did you somehow get WCW involved  with you but you made fucking "Ready To Rumble", I'm so glad Courtney left you!)

Luckily for us fans, news broke around 2006, that Darren Aronofsky was preparing a film based on the story of a washed up wrestler. Hell, he even had a Vader hero in Nic Cage lined up to play the lead. 'Ol Nic even went as far as going to a few Ring Of Honour shows to research his part.

Soon thought, Nic dropped out, luckily for us though, Aronofsky;s original choice was available and interested.

Ladies and Gentlemen....I introduce to you.....................


Oh yes, the unhinged one himself, Mickey Rourke was the choice. Rourke, a trained boxer (who gave up a promising film career to do it professionally!) scoffed at the thought of playing a wrestler, someone who "pretended" to fight. He then threw himself into the role, training hard and he quickly learnt to respect the men and women who have been putting their bodies on the line for years.

So anyways, the film. Mickey plays Randy "The Ram" Robinson, a fading wrestling superstar from the 80's who's attempting to cling onto his stardom by punishing his body to the joy of around 25 people packed into a high school gym.

Randy pushed himself too far trying to earn the adulation of the fans by putting his body through hell whilst pumping himself full of steroids. Of course this leads to The Ram suffering from a heart attack.

Coming to the realisation that his career, his livelihood, hell even his life is pretty much over, Randy attempts to integrate himself into "normal life", by trying to earn his estranged daughter's love and hoping his love for an over the hill stripper will be reciprocated.

One problem, Randy is offered one last match against his arch rival from his heyday, Does Randy carry on living his boring quiet existence that his body wants and craves, or does he risk killing himself just so he can be under those lights and have the fans screaming his name, one last time?

Ok, Ok I know, it's pretty much like 99% of every sports film you've ever seen, but I can say this is something else. It's one of the best films I've ever actually seen, let alone the best film based on a "fake sport". It's beautiful, haunting and there is a reason as to why Rourke was up for an Oscar!

The fact of the matter is thought, if you've watched the "sport" for as long as I have and have heard half of the stories that make the rounds, this could be literally any one of the legends and former heroes you idolised in the 80's. Those guys striving to still be the main guy, the main attraction, the superstar, the man, and that in turn is so sad. It says something when a bonafide legend of the ring, Rowdy Roddy Piper reportedly broke down whilst watching the film declaring that it could be a true story.

Before we get to the good stuff, here's your favourite thing...


Let's be perfectly honest here shall we? There's only one way that this can be going after I've just waxed lyrically (oooh) over this for the past god knows how long it's taken you to read it...


I do seem to be throwing out a lot of "5 winkers" (is that even a word?) lately but when something is this good....

If you do get the chance, please do see this film, regardless of whether you're a wrestling fan or not.

You will look upon the "sport" in a different light, and you'll be understanding why Randy should be awarded a place not only on your DVD shelf but also in you Hall Of Fame.

Vader Out...

Just Tap It In, Just Tap It In, Give It A Little Tappy, Tap Tap Taparoo

If you couldn't tell from the title, I'm one of a rare breed. I actually have a problem that I need to address and there's no better place to do such a thing than over the internet in front of faceless people who I don't know and can't judge me.

My name is Vader, and I am a.....


I know, I know, I'm sorry.

I honestly can't help it though, for some unknown reason the guy has a direct line to my funny bone. I should really be ashamed, but I'm not!

Now that we've got this shocking news out there, it's only fair if I drag you (not physically as well, you're reading this on the internet and I can't touch you nor see you....or can I?? Muhahah see what I did there? I just broke the 4th wall!! Ok maybe I didn't seen as this isn't a film or TV show but still, I'm secretly watching you, by the way....nice hair!) through a selection of his films and just try to show you why I'm a fan.

You ready then?? No?? Tough shit we're going in....


Well then, he might not be the main star in this fun little film but he's there on the poster so that right away makes him very important! playing a braindead drummer in a rock band, who take a radio station hostage with water pistols just so they can get their demo heard. It might sound stupid, well it is but it's actually a lot of fun, plus you get to see the face that goes with Fat Tony's voice from The Simpsons! Also the fact it stars Brendan Fraser and Steve Buscemi gives you an idea that it might not be that bad....no?? Oh ok... Have a look.

Next up is a funny film that I guess could be the reason a lot of people don't actually like the guy...


Right then what's better than an adult playing a man child?? Nope didn't think you could find anything better, see trust me Vaderino's! I won't lie his voice can get on your nerves in this but it doesn't stop it being funny. Following Billy as he goes back through the school system so he can finally graduate and then take over his Dad's hotel business before his Father's evil second in command can. Have a look....

One thing that does come apparent during the film is Billy might have a slight drinking/substance abuse problem as he...well he see's penguins...random I know but can't honestly think of anything better to see can you? a 6 foot penguin that you think is after your girlfriend.....damn

Did I mention that this also stars Bridgette Wilson, who later became Mrs. Pete Sampras?

Damn he served a right ACE with this one...haha did you see what I did there?? Yeah, I'm so sorry too....

Ahem anyways let's move on shall we...Ahh yes my favourite Sandler movie...


Now, I'm not even going to pretend that I either, like golf nor understand it. I find it tedious and boring as hell but when you end up with a complete nutcase with anger problems playing the sport, how can you not love it?

We follow Sandler as he plays Happy Gilmore, a waste of space in life who find out he has quite the knack for smashing a golf ball 400+ yards (apparently this is unheard of?? I dunno either!) he ends up getting onto the pro tour with the hope he can make enough money just to buy back his Grandma's house.

I can honestly say, I can recite this film, line for line. Did I mention...

My name is Vader and I am a geek.

Might as well get it all out of the system hadn't we? Ok have a look....

Even sat here re-watching the trailer I can't help but laugh. I must watch this at least once a month, it's the perfect film to pop on when there's nothing on or you're feeling a bit shit about everything, never fails to put me in a good mood! Oh oh oh story time....I actually bought this for £3 on VHS from Music Zone (R.I.P).....You are all welcome for me sharing that!

Let's move on....


I will come right out and say it, I love American Football. Yes, I do understand it, I get the rules and what not and yes I did stay up and watch the Super Bowl as well as usually staying up to watch a game every other week when the season is on. I just love it and I equally love movie's based on the sport and this one is right up there for me.

Alright so maybe it isn't on the same level as things such as Remember The Titans and Friday Night Lights but it makes me laugh so there!!

Playing a socially awkward "water boy" under the rule of a pushy mother who won't let him do anything in his life and everything that's any good is "The Devil", Sandler shows that we can all find something we're good at....

Aww fuck why should I make this sound better, he's a bit "special" and finds out he can tackle the fuck out of people! It's funny and it's fun seeing people get smashed all over the place!!

Now I know that at least some of you will be fans of the man, fuck, his films make enough money, so there's definitely more than just me who's a fan!

You fans obviously by now, or at least I hope you would have noticed that I've left out a fair few of his "bigger works", and I'll explain why. I will just say that I'm only really talking about Sandler's full, balls out comedy films as his dramatic roles are few and far between and I would suggest you should check them out as, if you're not a fan,  you would be by the end.

I'm not going to beat around the bush here as it's taken you long enough to get to this point, so I'm going to give you a quick explanation as to why these haven't been included....

The Wedding Singer : 80's Shit.
Big Daddy : Parent Shit.
Little Nicky : Really Shit.
Mr.Deeds : Boring Shit.
Anger Management : Angry Shit.
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry : Homophobic Shit. **
You Don't Mess With The Zohan : Racist Shit.
Bedtime Stories : Disney Shit.
Funny People : Unfunny Shit.
Jack And Jill : Won't Even Watch This Shit.

(** Not really but couldn't find anything funny to explain how shit I think it is!)

Alright, maybe I am being a little bit too harsh here as a few of these do have a couple of redeeming features....but you're not going to be finding them here!!

So, maybe on reflection, I haven't painted the guy in too good a light. Come to think about it, for about 90% of his whole body of work he's played exactly the same character, ANGRY SHOUTY ADAM!!!!! It's only really his later work that he'd toned it down a bit (50 First Dates, Click, Grown Up's, Just Go With It....and yes I do enjoy those!)

Maybe this is why he's equally loved and hated?? Maybe 50% of people love his man child act and 50% want to kill him? I dunno either way I like the guy!

I will leave you with one thing though....

Vader Out!