Sunday, 4 March 2012

VADER.....GET THE TABLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's ok guys, it's only me again, and this time I've brought an even more ambiguous title with me...

So last night was Saturday night and being the popular, cool guy that I am...I was at home. Yes ladies and gents I have nothing better to be doing with my life at the moment and I'm single. What a surprise I hear you say (fuck you by the way!) so I don't go to the cinema as much to see anything new hence the abundance of old films being reviewed and talked about.

Oh, I am taking applications though, you have to be female, 21+, normal and not smell, that's all I ask... emails to here please (do enclose a picture as I don't want you to be some sort of hideous CHUD do I? By all means if you choose to be naked or in a state of undress, all the better!)

Alright so maybe I'm joking there (or am I??)

Now, as you should now hopefully know, my name doesn't come from Star Wars, as personally I can't stand them. Blasphemous?? Possibly, but I just don't get the little cheap thrills over them that so many geeks do, sorry.

Oh yeah, right my name. So errmm yeah, Vader doesn't come from Darth but rather from The Big Van Vader. Now, I know the majority of you will be sat there looking at that and thinking, "WHO??"

Well let me tell you now, the guy was a beast, a complete fucking monster, see....

So yeah, this is where the nickname comes from, I don't know either....Maybe I have to have a few chats with my mates over why they called me this as I don't look like that....hmmm

I know it seems I'm going on, but there is a reason behind all of this....


Yes, I'm not afraid to admit it, I grew up a fan....and I wonder why I'm now single hey?!? So, over the years, I've submitted (haha see what I did oh ok) myself to some rather shocking films based on the "sport" (David Arquette, I'm looking at you here buddy, not only did you somehow get WCW involved  with you but you made fucking "Ready To Rumble", I'm so glad Courtney left you!)

Luckily for us fans, news broke around 2006, that Darren Aronofsky was preparing a film based on the story of a washed up wrestler. Hell, he even had a Vader hero in Nic Cage lined up to play the lead. 'Ol Nic even went as far as going to a few Ring Of Honour shows to research his part.

Soon thought, Nic dropped out, luckily for us though, Aronofsky;s original choice was available and interested.

Ladies and Gentlemen....I introduce to you.....................


Oh yes, the unhinged one himself, Mickey Rourke was the choice. Rourke, a trained boxer (who gave up a promising film career to do it professionally!) scoffed at the thought of playing a wrestler, someone who "pretended" to fight. He then threw himself into the role, training hard and he quickly learnt to respect the men and women who have been putting their bodies on the line for years.

So anyways, the film. Mickey plays Randy "The Ram" Robinson, a fading wrestling superstar from the 80's who's attempting to cling onto his stardom by punishing his body to the joy of around 25 people packed into a high school gym.

Randy pushed himself too far trying to earn the adulation of the fans by putting his body through hell whilst pumping himself full of steroids. Of course this leads to The Ram suffering from a heart attack.

Coming to the realisation that his career, his livelihood, hell even his life is pretty much over, Randy attempts to integrate himself into "normal life", by trying to earn his estranged daughter's love and hoping his love for an over the hill stripper will be reciprocated.

One problem, Randy is offered one last match against his arch rival from his heyday, Does Randy carry on living his boring quiet existence that his body wants and craves, or does he risk killing himself just so he can be under those lights and have the fans screaming his name, one last time?

Ok, Ok I know, it's pretty much like 99% of every sports film you've ever seen, but I can say this is something else. It's one of the best films I've ever actually seen, let alone the best film based on a "fake sport". It's beautiful, haunting and there is a reason as to why Rourke was up for an Oscar!

The fact of the matter is thought, if you've watched the "sport" for as long as I have and have heard half of the stories that make the rounds, this could be literally any one of the legends and former heroes you idolised in the 80's. Those guys striving to still be the main guy, the main attraction, the superstar, the man, and that in turn is so sad. It says something when a bonafide legend of the ring, Rowdy Roddy Piper reportedly broke down whilst watching the film declaring that it could be a true story.

Before we get to the good stuff, here's your favourite thing...


Let's be perfectly honest here shall we? There's only one way that this can be going after I've just waxed lyrically (oooh) over this for the past god knows how long it's taken you to read it...


I do seem to be throwing out a lot of "5 winkers" (is that even a word?) lately but when something is this good....

If you do get the chance, please do see this film, regardless of whether you're a wrestling fan or not.

You will look upon the "sport" in a different light, and you'll be understanding why Randy should be awarded a place not only on your DVD shelf but also in you Hall Of Fame.

Vader Out...

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