Monday, 21 February 2011

Who Loves Free Things?? You do you tight bastards!!!!!

So here it is, something for my UK viewers to enjoy


Oh yes, FREE tickets just for you!!! Thanks to the guys at Cineworld and BAFTA, they've made some vouchers available so you can go see certain films for free this next week.

How much do you love me now?!?!!?

All you need to do is go HERE,download the voucher and print it out and be prepared to see some fantastic films for sod all!!

Here's the list of films, cinemas, dates and times for you....
Cheltenham, Crawley, Didsbury, Glasgow Renfrew Street, Nottingham, Shaftesbury Avenue, Wandsworth and Yeovil:
Fri 25The Social NetworkInception
Sat 26InceptionThe Social Network
Sun 27Toy Story 3Inception
Mon 28The Social NetworkFour Lions
Tue 01InceptionToy Story 3
Wed 02Four LionsThe Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Thu 03The Girl with the Dragon TattooFour Lions
Birmingham, Bristol, Cardiff, Chichester, Edinburgh and Sheffield:
Fri 25The Social NetworkThe Social Network
Sat 26Toy Story 3The Social Network
Sun 27The Social NetworkToy Story 3
Mon 28The Social NetworkFour Lions
Tue 01The Girl with the Dragon TattooToy Story 3
Wed 02Four LionsThe Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Thu 03The Girl with the Dragon TattooFour Lions

And Remember.....

The Fighter fighting the good fight??? Rocky did it better!!!!

So this past week, I watched The Fighter. I'm not sure what I was expecting if I'm totally honest with you. A Rocky Redux maybe?

Ok, it might not have the same emotional kick that you got the first time you sat through Rocky, you might not be able to connect with the character of Micky Ward, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't at least try to watch it.

Let me be straight with you though, see I know what you guys want don't I? The best thing about this and I mean THE BEST THING is yet again, Batman himself, Christian Bale. This guy is fast becoming our generations Robert De Niro (as long as he doesn't do anything like Meet The Parents or Rocky And Bullwinkle of course!). The guy totally embodies every character he plays. For this he plays Micky's half brother, Dicky Eklund, a former boxer living off the fame of one fight and a major smack addict! Of course nobody plays a troubled soul as well as Mr.Bale. The guy lost some serious weight to take this role and with that he took on Dicky's body and his nuances. The nervous twitches, the slight slurring of speech, all signs of a man on the top of his game and a serious (mind the pun kids!!) contender for the Oscar this year!!!!

The story follows Micky, a boxer who's more of a jobber, the guy promoters hire so they can give their fighter an easy win. It follows the tribulations of having someone you love ruin almost everything for you at every step, leaving that shadow and seeing what can happen when you work hard. Of course this is a true story so you know what's going to happen (well if you have any brains and decide to have a look at the background of Micky and Dicky), I won't say it's fun getting there with the brothers, more interesting if anything. If you want to watch one of the worlds best actors, doing what he does best whilst chewing every piece of scenery available to him, this is the film for you.

A quick look at the trailer and we'll get onto the return of everyones favourite part of the site......

So, Vader Wink time..... As I said earlier this isn't Rocky, and I feel some people might have trouble sitting through another boxing film based on a loser doing something with their lives. I will be honest with you guys as I always am, if it wasn't for Bale, I wouldn't have bothered with this, have a read on wikipedia and google about Micky Ward. But and this is a big but, if you want to give it a go, do it!!! I'm pretty sure you'll find something you'll enjoy. As for Vader Winks I'm sorry but this one only gets....

2.5 VADER WINKS!!!!!

Yet another downbeat review there, it's just a film I couldn't personally connect with very well, whether it's the pushing of it down my throat and people constantly telling me it's amazing, I'm not sure. All I know is that if I want to watch a film about a boxers redemption I'll watch Rocky and if I want to watch a sports film about climbing back to the top and doing something with yourself I'll sit through The Wrestler, now that is a great film.

Got something very special coming up next for you all, if you're based in the UK, you're gonna love it.....I mean we all love FREE things don't we?!??!?! 

Wednesday, 16 February 2011


Ok, so you're making a movie based on a range of books aimed at teenagers about an alien escaping from people trying to kill them and what do you use as music in the trailer??

FUCKING ADELE......Epic Fail.......

Well now......

Well what a shitty 5 minutes I've just had, in this space here, there would have been a rather lengthy article about how shit movies based on video games are.....but with blogspot being a big hairy piece of shit, with it's automatic save feature I lost everything!!! I wanted to delete one small line of text and lost over a weeks work with around 30 pictures and 12 videos and around 6000 words!!! It would have been, in my opinion, the best article I've wrote!! But because this is shite, chances are you won't ever be getting the article as of right now I can't honestly be arsed typing it all back up so bye bye to the video games!!!

In place will probably be another few reviews as they're quick to write and easy to do on the fly.

If you can't tell I'm seriously pissed off right now!! More the reason for me to step up the learning of DreamWeaver and get a PROPER website up and running for you, with polls, a forum, competitions and the such. Admittedly it might be a while until it's up and running but keep an eye out for the new and improved VADER MOVIE FILES.

Anyways I best get writing so you've all got some new material to read and debate over. One thing I will ask, yet again, is that if you read something and you agree or disagree, get commenting on it. I'm all for debating over movies (as a few people found out this past weekend), I give you my opinions for a reason, i know not everyone is going to agree and it's fun to argue over them!!

I want to make this an active community where you all get involved, tell me what you like, tell me what you hate, tell me I'm a douche and you don't agree, tell me I'm a legend and what I'm saying is right, honestly I want you too!!! Let's have some fun (even if I'm not right this second!!!) and make this a proper success!!

If we all want to see this site expand and spread we need everyone to be pulling together, so come on guys, get involved!!!!

Right now I'm going to go and have a little cry in the corner but then I'll come back bigger and stronger and even funnier!!!


Friday, 11 February 2011

Comic. Book. Film?? Put it back on the rack and walk away.....Slowly... PART 2 : THE REVENGE OF THE NERD!!!!!

Well I have been promising this to you for a while now so let's finish this saga...but quickly a recap (just imagine it being the movie trailer guy saying this as it scrolls slowly up the screen....)



Wow that was intense.....let's not piss around though, why don't we get straight into it with......


Now, growing up and reading the select few comic books I was privy too at my local newsagents, the Fantastic Four was one that I occasionally managed to get hold of. I also grew up watching the cartoon, so I knew enough of the backstory and the goings on in the dynamic of the group to know what would be going on.....guess what? I sat there scratching my head as it was just confusing. 

Nooooo not the story but how could anyone like Ioan Gruffudd pull someone like Jessica Alba?? Talk about far fetched man....... And you're going to make me believe that they were together, and let his best friend and her brother crash at their place?? Yeah ok..... Oh and that he's the most brainiest guy in the world.....I'm not even going to carry on as I'm getting more confused. What I will say is that Chris Evans (no, not the ginger prat with glasses!) gives a pretty good portrayal of Johnny Storm, he's cocky, annoying and pretty much perfect in my eyes.  I will say I'm really looking forward to seeing what he can do as Captain America if i'm honest with you. As always I know I can be boring and you guys love watching a video so here we go.....

Another thing I'll give this steaming pile, is the effect of Ben's skin as the The Thing. It's pretty cool as you could almost believe he was made from rock. Don't worry guys as this isn't the last time we're going to see these guys as...well as a matter of fact they're the next film in our list today....


Wow that was a mouthful! Well first thing, I still can't believe that Ioan Gruffudd could pull someone like Jessica Alba. The only plus point for this one is the fact they made Silver Surfer actually believable with how they did the effects. I'm not going to bore you with anything about this one apart from one little thing, and if you're a fan of comic books and know you're Marvel universes you'll understand how bad this is....
So as you can tell, this one has a hell of a lot to answer for....which I guess means after the trailer we can move onto the next one......



See, I'm betting that hardly any of you have ever seen this have you? Lucky you really! It's only been these last few years that I've made the connection between this turd and comic books. Back in the day when Superman actually died at the hands of Doomsday, the aftermath was soften by the eventual return of the Man of Steel (see where I'm going here?) During the off season where Superman was probably sunning himself somewhere, a few pretenders to the crown arrived and Steel was one of them. A dude wearing a suit made of steel who carried around a big hammer with a big Superman symbol on his metal chest. Guess what though....this has fuck all to do with Superman! It stars Shaq, and a very depressing Judd Nelson, I mean remember when that guy was relevant? It's just a complete mess the whole thing (maybe linking it to Superman might have had people interested??) and the less said about it, the better. Here's the trailer for you and a little present too.

Your present, how could you tell that this was based on a DC Property honestly?
Spot the difference? Also laugh at the fact that Shaq once headlined movies, yes it did happen once upon a time!

So next on our list hmmm I don't know how much more worse this could go, we'll get there though as we can't make this a trilogy, we all know they never work, See what I mean? Oh I know...Yesssss in fact this is the ultimate in pissing all over your property.....

Ladies and Gentleman I present to you, CAPTAIN AMERICA

Theatres everywhere? Did I miss something then? I don't recall ever seeing this anywhere near a cinema! I mean I was like 5 at the time but that's not the point! What I do remember is excitedly slamming the VHS into my player and hitting play. My god was it a big mistake. Red Skull is no longer a nazi? When did I miss that memo? He's now a what?? An Italian fascist?? Oh god....why did it all go wrong Marvel? Why did you have to put us through this? Everything about this is terrible, the acting, the effects, the story! Want one little tidbit from this? Cap is played by Matt Salinger, son of J.D, yep that's all I can come up with! I mean even look at his costume, he looks like he's wandered off a porn parody!

Look at that sexy rubber suit!!!!

Luckily for us all, Marvel are trying to make up from letting this ever go into production with this years, Captain America : The First Avenger, which as you can see at least doesn't make Cap look like a gay porn star......
Oooh gritty!

Well here's the trailer for this piece of cack for you to watch, you know, because I'm nice like that!

To be honest with you, If you really want to see this have a search round Youtube as the whole film is there for you to watch, but remember you have been warned!!!

So we're coming to the end of our epic look at the worst comic book films ever, I know it's been emotional but I can't leave you without a special look at a pretty bad comic book film that wasn't really made to be seen by anyone!

Strange I know but it's true! It was made to extend a licensing rights deal and you can tell! Roger Corman is the man we can thank for bring this ultra low budget film to the screen. The effects are so bad, I could have made them with a bit of latex, paint and a match! The film in question stars our favourite superhero family yet again, The Fantastic Four. I managed to get hold of a copy a few years ago and man it's bad. The acting isn't that bad, neither is the story but with the effect being that poor, well you make it out for yourself. If you have a look around the net you can find a copy that you can download (not that I condone that kinda thing you see but we all have needs I guess!) and you can see what I mean!

At least the suits sort of keep in line with the comics.....

There we have it though, the end of the article, yes I may have left Daredevil out or The Punisher films but I think you've got enough to be thinking about for now!

So my Vaderites, there we have it, will this article return who knows? I mean, you can never keep a good dog down maybe the same with comic book films?


Michael Cera.....A Legendary Geek? Nah, He's Just Francois....Or Scott......Or Evan.......

Last night after writing the Simpsons article, I put on a film I've never really been too bothered about seeing, Youth In Revolt......

I'll agree with you, poster doesn't do much for you no? Trust me, this isn't a bad little film, if anything it solidifies Michael Cera as the "King Of Geeks". I mean the guy plays them so well, in fact in almost every film he's been in, he is one. Could this be how he is in real life???

WAIT....If you want to find that out go onto one of those shitty gossip sites that delve into every little detail about someone's life, I'm betting they'll have what you're looking for!!

Back to why we're really here though, the film. It's a bit of a bonkers one if I'm totally honest with you all. Cera plays Nick Twisp, the perennial loser, Mum's shacked up with a total loser who hates your guts, Dad has a sexy little blonde on his arm and you're best friend is a total nutjob and a stalker to boot. After the family escapes to a trailer park for a few days, Nick falls in love with a girl who happens to be seeing someone already. Nick decides he must have this girl and decides that by being the bad guy, he'll get her, that's where Francois comes in, he's Nick's "bad side". Everything from there on in, is about the different things Nick (with a little help from Francois) will do to prove how much he needs this girl, or to sleep with her whatever!

Have a quick scan at the trailer see what you make of it.........

There is more to this post though other than the winks tonigh, as after watching the film, I realised that, of what I've seen of Cera, I'm quite a fan. He always plays that guy that you know at one point in your life, you have been.
Whether it's being madly in love with someone for years and feel now is the time to do something about it by trying to become the cool guy, or maybe battling some ex's or even getting someone pregnant when you're a little bit too young......ok maybe not the majority of readers but you get my drift!!! Let's have a delve into the archive (or my DVD collection ya know!) and see what we can come up with!

Ahh yes Superbad, the film that brought the guy to my attention. Well, not really, as McLovin and Seth Rogen walk away with this one. But you can't help but feel drawn towards Cera as Evan as we've all at one point in our lives been there. You'll do anything to impress the girl (or boy, cos ya see here at TVMF we're all about the equal opportunities!) of your dreams even trying to get booze when you're underage, or gatecrashing a party to steal theirs! Or maybe that was just me??

The more you watch this though, the more you noticed that Evan is the fabric keeping the friends together as they're all preparing to go to college. It's a cracking film that will have you laughing and cringing at in equal parts. Another positive apart from the one's already mentioned is Emma Stone.

Oh man, I love this girl! Not only is she stunning, she's seriously a funny actress. Check out Easy A if you get a chance!! And can I add she's also going to be in the new Spider-Man movie? I'm there!!!

A trailer? You're kidding right? It adds like 35 seconds onto my writing of these things!!! You'll what?? Hahahaha yeah right as if you'd do that to me!! I bet you don't......Hello? Hello?? Where'd you go??

Ahem......anyways the next film we'll take a quick look at is Juno.

What I will say about this one, is that I'm not a fan, not at all! I can't explain why, I'm just not! I don't find it funny in the slightest, I want to punch almost everyone involved with this one as they seriously get on my nerves!! I've tried watching this about 5 times and every time I fall asleep midway through, It's boring as sin!!! The saving grace? Yep you've got it Michael Cera!!! He brings across the awkwardness of someone who's just got somebody pregnant and isn't able to deal with the consequences pretty well. The rest of the film? I'm not even going to carry on speaking about it, here's your trailer though......

And I've gotta ask, how creepy are Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman in this? WEIRDOOOOOOOSSSSSSS

The last film we're going to look at is a new personal favourite of mine Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World...

Oh fuck, where the hell do I start with this?? It's the craziest, most bonkers film I've ever seen, I LOVE IT!!!!! Based upon a comic book (oh look here we go again!) it follows Scott Pilgrim, a bass guitarist in a band called "Sex Bob-omb" ( the first of countless computer game references you're gonna see in this one!), who whilst seeing a schoolgirl spots a mysterious girl called Ramona Flowers. In order to be with Ramona, Scott has to battle "The League Of Evil Exes", Ramona's seven ex boyfriends (ok well one is a woman, if ya get me drift haha), if he defeats them, he gets the girl. The only other thing is these battles happen when Scott isn't expecting them and whilst he's also dealing with getting his band through the battle of the bands competition they're currently in! The video game references are 10 to the penny in this one, even the beginning with the Universal logo gets all 8-bit on us! This is one truly brilliant film, that trust me on this will become a cult classic in years to come, just jump on the bandwagon ASAP!!!!!

Now this is my pleasure to bring you the trailer for this one, so no fighting!

I would say rush to Blockbuster to get your hands on this, but don't as it's a shit place to go! Don't even get me started on the dicks who work in my local one as they don't have a clue about anything at all in that place, so much so I'm actually writing an email to the HQ to moan about them as I'm writing this! But enough of my disgruntled customer experiences!  This is about the ultimate geek on the block so to Mr. Michael Cera, keep on being awkward and keep making me feel better about myself, it's what you're getting paid to do after all!

We salute you!


Hi diddly ho there Vaderino's! Well unless you're really dumb, you'll already from the first sentence know what tonight's article is about!

First thing though, a little insight into what I've been doing the last few days, hence why you haven't had a regular dose of Vader. As I mentioned in the previous article, I've been researching into moving us over to a dedicated server, so we can really start making a go at this. A few ideas have come and they will be sorted in due course. The next is/was the creation of a logo/header for the site so it's not just the basic, boring font as you log on. Well so far it isn't coming together like I would have hoped, so this is a call to arms of all my Vaderites,

Is there anybody out there who thinks they are up for making a proper kick ass logo for the site? Email me on the address at the bottom of the page so we can get the ball rolling.

The other thing that I've been doing is setting up a network of "Vader Files" sites, I know spreading myself thin as this isn't getting that much attention from myself at the minute, but I feel by getting them set up we can interlink them for example, right now I'm about to write about The Simpsons Movie, but surely The Simpsons themselves deserve an article to themselves? So that's why the network is being established by my trusted group of web monkeys (OK just myself and the dog, and she can't type too well see, ipdfhidfhipdsfhipdfnkndg, told you didn't I? So it's just me setting them up, arrival date? God knows!).

At the end of the day though, at the moment, it's all about The Vader Movie Files as this is why you all keep coming back for more. Last thing before we get down to it, I am looking for a few contributions, either for here or the other sites I'm setting up, If you feel you can write a good, funny article which could be roughly around 600-700 words with some pictures involved, give me a shout, again on the address at the bottom.

Anyways, Ladies and Gentleman I present to you......


Oh yes, after like 18 seasons and 400-odd episodes, they finally decided to give us all what we wanted. And what did we get from a film we'd been waiting close on 20 years to finally see......meh!

Yes guys a large "meh". Not that it's bad, it's just "meh". I don't know how many times I'll be typing "meh", but it's the only way I can sum up the feeling I had as I left the screen, just "meh"! I'm a huge Simpsons fan (not in the tattoo of Marge naked on my forearm kind!) so for this to be just "meh" leaves a slight sour taste in the mouth. For years I longed to see what caper Homer could bring upon the family whilst leaving the restrictions of network television behind as well as the shackles. What did we get?

Yes guy's that is a picture of Bart Simpson's cock! (I had to google this to find you a picture as proof, whatever you do, DO NOT GOOGLE BART SIMPSONS PENIS, you will have a heart attack!!!)

20 years and all you could give me was a scene involving Bart's dick dangling down?? Jesus guys, run out of ideas already?!? Although it did provide a funny set piece in the film and also gave us a fantastic poster.....

Now, I don't want you all thinking I'm hating on the film as I feel it failed my childhood, it didn't, it just wasn't what I wanted. I mean why have the villain of the piece being a government agency when you have 2 of the most dastardly animated men since, well Dick Dastardly, Sideshow Bob and Mr. Burns?! Why have a retread through Homer letting the family down yet again, Himself and Marge splitting up and reconciling at the end once Homer has redeemed himself? It isn't all bad points though, there are some truly hilarious things going on, namely Homer and his pet pig, anything involving this suinae (yes that's right 'cos I googled it!) will leave you in stitches.

Maybe I am being a bit harsh as it quite a funny film, you just can't help but feel like the film makers have let you down. See what you've had me doing, warbling on about it without giving you, your beloved trailer and slight synopsis, what kind of readers are you?!?

So there you have it, the trailer. Funny I agree, do you want to know why Homer has a noose around his neck with the townsfolk ready to finish him off? Well......After killing Greenday due to the state of the town, everyone decides to clean up the place and, yes you guessed it, Homer ruins that. This leads to the family being on the run as Springfield is encased inside a giant dome (hmmm didn't Stephen King write about a town underneath a dome??). That's it, I mean obviously I've not told you everything as I don't deal with spoilers here as you know, but that's the general gist of everything.

Ok so maybe I've made it sound dull, it's not that bad, but as I said it's not that good either. But hey if you've always wanted to see Bart naked, well congratulations you pervert, you've got your wish here!!!!

But now, let's excentuate the positives of this piece as I really don't like leaving you on a negative.

1. IT'S THE SIMPSONS GODDAMN IT!!!! No matter how hard you try to stay mad at these guys you can't! There's a reason they've been on TV for over 20 years.
2. SPIDER-PIG. I dare you not to sit there and piss yourselves. Easily the best thing in the movie.

Yes, it might not be what you wanted, it may be a little "meh", but at the end of the day, you're still going to sit there, you're still going to laugh and you're still going to try as hard as you can to find something that works for you.

It's that time again though, yes I may have bashed the film for the past x amount of words but you can't keep a good dog down so I'm going to give The Simpsons Movie...

3.5 WINKS!!!!

Maybe not the bad rating you were expecting, but I have seen it like 50 times so I've learnt to love it more and more with every viewing, I just feel if you're a fan and haven't seen this yet you're going to feel slightly let down after all it is all slightly, "meh"

As for finding something that works for you..........

VADER BONUS............................................................................

What I will give you is this though, the reward of one of the greatest teaser trailers ever! This bad boy came out of the blue, not many people actually knew there was a Simpsons movie being released, let alone being made! As it starts, you actually believe it could be for a bran new Superman animation, by the end you're in no doubt it's going to be a fun ride regardless of what's going on. The trailer actually made you believe that they'd do a good job worthy of The Simpsons. Let's just hope if they finally get around to the sequel, it'll be what we, as fans, really deserve to see.
Hope this one hasn't been too much of a downer for you guys, promise normal service will resume ASAP. Let me know what you think in the comments section below.

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

Ooooh What've I been Doing......

My my my, I have been a busy Vader!! For your perusal, A new design of sorts (new fonts etc), I've added an RSS feed so you can have every new post delivered to your browser, A twitter update thingy so it saves me time every time I write a new post, a donate button if you'd really like to give me 50p and the ultimate thing for the night.....


GASP.... I can hear you now but yes it's true, you can have a daily digest of all of our new posts delivered directly to your inbox....

Exciting no???

Anyways thought I'd share it with you guys, especially after our BEST day EVER!!!! over 100 individual hits in just under 24 which, I have to say, is pretty frickin' amazing!!! Thanks again people!!!

I will give you a quick update though, chances are tomorrow (or today if you want to be a funny guy seen as it's 1.30am here!!!) there won't be any posts, you never know I might sneak one in, but I've got a few emails to send out regarding the site and hosting services and I'm getting on to create a logo for us and possibly our own, sexy, header!!!!


Ahem, so yeah, apologies if your expecting something new tomorrow, but I'm hoping that within the next 48 hours we should have some new things for you to drool over and possibly this big news I'm waiting on.

Have a great day or days depending of when I'm next here for you all and keep on laughing at the drivle I'm posting, I know at least one of you are due to my first piece of fan mail....ooooh

Here's the addy if you're just toooooooooo lazy to scroll down to the bottom of the page

Look forward to speaking to you guys, as I promise I'll reply to anyone and everyone!!

Monday, 7 February 2011

A plea...Well a request....Ok, I'm telling YA!!!!!!

Afternoon Vaderites, so with the last post of Red Skull's reveal, I've had my biggest day so far!!! Thanks to everyone who's had a look today, especially you guys in the U.S, Canada and even Australia!!! God knows how we've had such a large reach in just over 14 hours but I thank you anyway!

What I am asking though, is that if you're going to view and like what you see, please vote for me in the blogger of the year awards, and leave me a comment, let me know what you like or don't!

Also and this is the final thing I'll be asking you for today, Spread the word!! Join the facebook page, request to be my friend on there, follow me on twitter, tattoo our address on your body....ANYTHING!!!

Everything you need is on the right hand side of the page so come on do your service, without sounding like a £20 hooker, but the more views we get, the more articles I can write!!

There is a few articles just being fine tuned ready to be posted including the second part of our look at crap comic book films and the promised failed comic book scripts one as well! Hopefully you guys will enjoy them as much as you have enjoyed our previous ones!!

Anyways have a great evening, in case I don't get back on to get them up and posted!

VADER OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.....*cough*.......TTTTTTTTT......*splutter*.......TTTTTTTTTT


I know it's late, but this needs to be shared ASAP!

It's the Super Bowl tonight/today/whatever, and as always we get our first look at a whole host of new trailers and Captain America has JUST been shown and premièred online, and this so needs to be shared....

Our first look at..... RED SKULL!!!!

Credit goes to Yahoo Movies for making the trailer available but the screen cap is all my own work (I'll admit, I was lucky at stopping the trailer as he was shown for a split second!!)

Here he is.....

The first online to have this??? No idea but it ROCKS

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

View Askew...Well wearing your glasses like that, you will be....

Afternoon Vaderites! After a rather productive morning, (film watching of course) I popped the 10th Anniversary edition of Mallrats into the DVD player and felt compelled to talk about a film that I genuinely enjoy as well as the works of Kevin Smith. Now, not everyone is a fan of Mr.Smith some people just don't "get" him, but trust me, spend 90 or so minutes in the company of one of his films and you'll be interested to see what else he can do. So where shall we begin? How about the beginning.....

Back in 1994, a little black and white film was unleashed on the unsuspecting public, Clerks.

The basis of the film, is following the exploits of best friends, Dante and Randal, during a working day. Sounds boring I know, but trust me (which I hope by now you do!) you'll be rolling about in laughter. The wacko's who frequent the 2 shops (Quick Stop and RST Video) will make you actually piss your pants! The other main point of the film is that it was the first to create the View Askewniverse, a universe created by Smith where characters, events and places interlink with each other. With each subsequent film made, more and more information is given filling in the timeline right from 0BC. Although this being the first film to be made, it's actually set a day after the second film we'll talk about. Another few things to note about Clerks, is the fact it's the first time we get to meet "Jay and Silent Bob", two stoners and drug pushes who enjoy nothing more than just standing outside the two stores causing trouble. The other thing being that Kevin Smith was actually a real life employee of Quick Stop and used the store during the night to film interior shots, it also helped the running gag of the shutter being down all day due to somebody putting chewing gum into the locks! It wasn't an easy shoot, not by a long shot, as Smith personally funded the film by selling his comic book collection as well as maxing out countless credit cards. Luckily it worked out well, as Smith got to film his second feature, but first the trailer.....

So, let's move onto the second film to be released (but actually the first in the series, confusing I know), MALLRATS!!

I'll admit it now, this was the first film by Kevin Smith that I ever saw. I lent it from a friend on VHS (wowza how long ago??) and sat there mesmerized at how funny and clever the whole thing is. This was the film that alerted to me to the genius of Smith and led me into the complex world of the View Askewniverse. As I mentioned, even though this is the second film made by Smith, it's actually the first in terms of the universe he created. This is found out by the mentioning of Julie Dwyer dying the day before Mallrats is set, and the boys in Clerks attending her wake with Dante knocking the coffin over! Again Jay and Silent Bob pop up, this time showing that Silent Bob has a lot more strings to his bow than first thought as it turns out he's quite a clever man as both him and Jay set about ruining the game show getting ready to be filmed that afternoon in the mall. The main protagonists of Mallrats are Brodie and T.S as they go about trying to win T.S's girlfriend, Brandi, back whilst avoiding security and Brandi's irate father. As with most Kevin Smith films, you strap yourself in and wait for the laughs to come. This also stars Joey Lauren Adams who goes onto become the star of the next film in the universe.... Again here's the trailer for you guys.

The next film on the list is Chasing Amy, a love story of a straight guy falling in love with a lesbian!
I'll say this I'm not too much of a fan of this one. Not that it's bad but when I compare it with others in the universe it just doesn't measure up for me. But enough of that lets get to it. This one is about Holden McNeil and Banky Edwards, two friends who also happen to be comic book artists, who have created a comic based on Jay and Silent Bob called, "Bluntman And Chronic". Whilst up in New York at a comic book convention, they meet Alyssa and Holden falls for her. The term Chasing Amy comes from Silent Bob reciting a similar story as to what Holden is going through now (that you'll have to find out yourself by watching it!) and announce that ever since then he's constantly been "Chasing Amy". The film culminates back at the convention in New York, where Holden and Banky are no longer partners and are both selling there comics and Holden hands over a copy of his new comic, "Chasing Amy" to Alyssa. As I said not as good as the other films, but still a film I'd recommend you seeing. A trailer I hear you cry??

The next film on the list is Dogma, a film actually mentioned as being the next time we'd see Jay and Silent Bob, in the credits of Clerks.

Ahh yes Dogma, the little film that could, well did really. If you mean by making the director a victim of 1000's of pieces of hate mail of which a large majority were death threats. Bit of a strange one this as it involves 2 fallen angels travelling across country, to enter a church which will purge their sins meaning they can re-enter heaven. Only problem is, this would mean the end of the world, so what do we get? The last blood relative of Jesus, the 13th Apostle oh and Jay and Silent Bob. It is a funny film, even with a rather strange apology to the duck billed platypus at the beginning!! My real memory of this though, was going to the cinema to finally see it at the 3rd attempt. The first time, we were turned away due to one of my mates giving the totally wrong birth year, second time was my fault as I knocked my parents' wedding dinner service over ruining plates that were worth quite a bit. Every piece was destroyed..... The third time though, 31st December 1999, me and my friend finally got in to see it. Admittedly I don't think we really "got" it at the time but I remember laughing quite hard and Jay and Silent Bob, more for the die hard's this but still a funny film, if just a tiny bit controversial.....oh and it has a Shit Demon in it!!!!

WAIT, WAIT what's this......a......trailer?? AGAIN??? God damn, I am good to you people!

See, I bet you want to see it You can't stand Jay and Silent Bob and feel it's just a way for Kevin Smith to shoehorn himself into his own screenplays and to give his friend a job? Well you might wanna skip this next part as the next film is based solely on these two...


Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is the name, and it's 104 mins of the two stoners we all love (or hate but if you hate them I did warn you and told you to not bother reading this part, SHAME ON YOU!!) making as many dick, gay and fart jokes as you can handle. This sees our 2 titular heroes being banned from standing outside the Quick Stop, thanks to Dante and Randal, and finding out that the comic book based on them (Bluntman And Chronic by Holden and Banky from Chasing Amy, see how it's all fitting in?) is being made into a film, and decide to go to Hollywood to stop it being made as they need to get paid for it, whilst also being chased for being "Terrorists" for a cell called C.L.I.T. Oh did they mention they also have a monkey hanging out with them?? The magic of this though is the fact that the View Askewniverse comes full circle as almost every character we've come across from the previous 4 films. Jay and Silent Bob (obviously!!) are the main characters from the universe but they come across Dante and Randal at the Quick Stop, Brodie at his comic book shop, Holden at his house, Banky at the set of the movie and Alyssa as she leaves the premiere of the movie. Smith always said that this would be the last of the View Askewniverse and for a time we believed him.....until he couldn't help himself.

Oh, i guess I might as well give you the trailer for this one too.....

So guys and gals we're on the final leg of our journey together on this cold and wet Wednesday afternoon. But It's a perfect way for us to finish as we've really have come full circle as we're back at where we started albeit roughly 10 years later (in the universe people!!!), yes we're back with Dante and Randal!!!!

Oh, where do I start with this one? This is my favourite Kevin Smith film by far!! The dialogue is by far the best he has wrote, my example of this is a scene that you need to see to believe it. It involves Randal arguing with a customer and his co-worker Elias over how bad LOTR is!! So much so the other guy starts puking!!! You'll love it!!!

Anyways this one starts with Dante still working at the Quick Stop, going to open the store and finding it ablaze. The film then shifts a year as they guys have gained a job working at a fast food restaurant and it again follows a day in their lives as they are coming to terms that Dante is breaking the relationship up by moving to Florida with his wife to be. Randal spends the day bullying Elias whilst plotting the perfect going away party for Dante (which again has to be seen to be believed) all while Jay and Silent Bob are still peddling their wares outside, although now they have found Jesus apparently (something to do with Dogma maybe?). It's a perfect way to finish a fantastic series of films that are all interlocked in some small way with it being characters or places and by the end you can't help but think you're gonna miss these guys and their adventures.....But what's that in the credits....Jay and Silent Bob may return??

My God I hope so!!

Last one then seen as I know you all love this part of the article, where you can sit back from my drivel for 2 minutes and relax by watching a video so here goes.

By all means though, Smith has directed a few more movies, there was Jersey Girl, which again starred a regular, Ben Affleck, but the less we say about that, the better for us all! Then Zack and Miri make a porno, which I will freely admit is a very very funny film, not on the same level as these we've spoke about today, but in terms of a comedy film, it's a good 'un. Of course we finish then on Cop Out, if you read movie sites you'll know that only these past few weeks, Smith has gone on record as saying the star of Cop Out, Bruce Willis, was soul destroying to work with. This translates onto film as a poor showing on par with Jersey Girl, yes it's that bad!! I don't think it helps that it was the first film by Smith that he hadn't wrote and it shows, the dialogue is sloppy throughout, or that could just be Tracy Morgan, I haven't decided yet! This year though should hopefully see the release of a new Kevin Smith film entitled, Red Slate, which is Smith's first journey into horror, and as you know being such a fan of horror I'm eagerly awaiting that one!

The bad news is that Smith has declared that this will be the last film he ever directs (there are a few rumours including a 3rd Clerks story) as people fully expect him to go back to his other loves, writing scripts and comics. What a lot of people don't realize is that Smith has wrote stories for Batman, Spiderman and Daredevil. He also owns a comic book store as well meaning he can indulge in his love! Smith is also famous for writing a Superman script that was dismissed by Tim Burton who had accepted the directing gig, but I guess we could talk about that some other time, in fact that could be rather fun. Yeah there's an idea, failed comic book movies.... look out for that one guys!!!

So it's time for me to sign off, I mean expect another article tonight as you know, i love doing this!!

Take care and "God Speed Spiderman"......oh wait no, that's not right...........

Goodbye Everyone!

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

A Top 10 List?? In February? Really?? You bet your ass it is!!!

See, made you look with that title didn't I? Don't worry this isn't one of those pompous, "Oh all the films this past year have been of equal quality but my god, how astounding was Robin Williams portrayal of Ghandi?" types of list. Oh no sir, this is about Horror films. Good old fashioned, balls to the wall as your throat is slit, whilst being half naked and in a deserted summer camp, horror films!

As well all should hopefully know from reading the site for the past 2 weeks, I'm not a planner when it comes to writing these articles but for this one, I've got a pen and paper out and I thought long and hard about this list.... ok 5 mins but still!

As always with these things, these are in my opinion the greatest 10 horror films in history, so of course it's not going to please everyone, and there's probably going to be a fair few that will be missed out that you'll call blasphemy on, but that's life kiddo! Also whilst making a list which stands at around 40, I noticed, I could literally make a top 10 just of Zombie films as they are a particular favourite and I might just do one! But this is about Horror in general.

So onto the show starting with NUMBER 10!!!!



Where do I start with the film widely regarded as the game changer which brought horror back to the forefront in the mid 90's and made it popular again. The magic of Scream on first viewing is that after the first 10-15 mins you really don't know what's going t happen. Why? Ermmm could be to do with Wes Craven killing off Drew Barrymore (The biggest star in the film at the time), within this 15 minute window. Wow...
I love the fact that Craven also likes to pay homage to this genre, by playing on your knowledge of the genre and twisting it to his liking. Also Jamie Kennedy's character is the ultimate film geek who keeps you informed of each little tidbit that's thrown at you whether it's the virgins who get it first, or you never run up the stairs! 2011 will also see the release of SCRE4M, whether it will be any good, who knows....



Freddy is one of my all time favourite horror characters, an Icon if you will. Team him up against another Icon and you've got gold. You wouldn't be able to even fathom my excitement when this finally left development hell and made it to our screens. 2 heavyweights finally battling it out to see who wins in a fight to the "death". Luckily for us all, even at the end when one of them finally "wins", the other lets us know, that this battle is far from over. Problem is,  this was over 8 years ago now and you get the feeling we'll never see a rematch. A few years back, Bruce Campbell (more on him later) let slip that they were working upon a sequel titled Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash, meaning we'd get more of the same but with a complete legend joining the field, shame it will never happen though now.....



What's the one common mistake that everyone makes when talking about this film? Jason doesn't make an appearance in his hockey mask and he isn't the killer GASP!!! Everybody, when you mention FT13th, automatically tells you that it's Jason but nope, it's Mrs.Voorhees who is to blame for the slaughtering of semi naked horny teenagers at Camp Crystal Lake. The one thing you need to look out for is a very early performance from one Kevin Bacon ( of six degrees of separation fame) who gets his throat opened up for him. I can promise you every Friday that happens to be on the 13th of a month, you'll find this on at least one channel whilst flicking through. Just promise me you won't try to judge this up against the terrible remake? Promise??



Not too shabby for a film that started off as a student project and ended up with Spider-Man finally being made. Yes, the director of Spidey is also the twisted mind who brought this and (i'm guessing and kinda hoping) the only tree rape scene ever! Ok, so that might make you want to not watch this but stick with me here, it's great! Sam Raimi with the help of his brother Ted and star Bruce Campbell (told you we'd be seeing him again!) carved a truly terrifying story involving something called the "Necronomicon", a book wrote in blood and bound in human skin, mmmm mmmmmmmmm. Anyways this shows why you should never, ever go into the woods and read such a book, and expect to come out alive. One little tidbit I can share with you is that Joel Coen of the Coen Brothers fame (Fargo, True Grit remake etc) was the assistant film editor. You learn something new with us every single day don't ya know!



Right, first thing first, this isn't the original poster, but it's by far the best one I've seen. Another in our list directed by Wes Craven and staring good old Freddy Krueger, this explains what Freddy is all about. A child killer, murdered by the parents of Elm St. stalking their teenage children in their sleep. Does it get any better? Honestly? The magic of this though was the fact Freddy was mostly shown in the shadows, giving him an air of mystery (truth was the make up dept. weren't over thrilled with the make up designed for Robert EnglundDepp so there's an excuse for making your missus watch it, aren't I good to you guys? Again, just like Friday The 13th promise me you'll stay away from the remake as, well it's really really shit!

I know this one is a remake, but it's one of those rare occasions where a remake surpasses the original. The gore is amped up to 20 and the dread factor raised even more as we follow a small band of survivors of a zombie apocalypse as they hole up inside a deserted shopping mall. If anything, this gets a place on our list due to the worlds first zombie baby! They way it's mothers stomach bulges and little lumps come up as the baby fights to get out will make you squirm which means Zack Snyder, the director, has done his job in updating a  classic originally made by the Grandaddy of the zombie flick, George A. Romero. Snyder must have done well out of this though, seen as he's tasked with making Superman cool again!



Now, I've spoke about Saw before, so you all know my feelings towards it! It launched a series which culminated in a 7th episode, so they must have done something right, Right? RIGHT??!?



So, I'll admit it now, I'm catholic, so I've always been interested in the one thing we've always been told doesn't happen. I only caught this about 7 years ago, when I turned 18 as I was too young to catch it the 2nd time it came out at the cinema. What a powerful film! My dad had seen it firs time around in the 70's and always spoke about how mental it was, women throwing up in the cinema, being carried out, and he also mentioned about the supposed "curse" surrounding the film. It was only 2 years back when I got my hands on the documentary made by the BBC of all people called "The Fear Of God". It's a fantastic insight into a genuinely scary film!



It's Freddy again!! What a surprise I hear you say! This is a fantastic film, end of!! After turning down the chance to direct NOES 2, Craven came back to write the story for a film which is far superior to the one he directed. This has the best lines, the best kills and the greatest version of Freddy going!!! Bringing back the hero from the first film, "Nancy", helps you feel for the kids as they band together to take out this menace. Oh can I add...... "WELCOME TO PRIME TIME BITCH!" What I will say is that the film that beat this to number one in our list had to work hard, if that's even possible, as they are both equally amazing but coming in at......


So here's our number one horror film of all time as voted for by....well me! Technically a remake of the first film (number 7 on the list), I like to think that Evil Dead 2 is the perfect mix of comedy and horror and it's nice and gory too! Almost exactly the same story as the first film with the added matter of a time vortex thrown in (leading to the 3rd and final film, so far, in the series Army Of Darkness), this pushes cheap horror to it's limits. Did I mention our hero Ash takes his chainsaw obsession a little bit too far by cutting off his possessed hand and replacing it with the chainsaw.
 Armed with his new hand and his trusty "Boomstick" and a vast array of witty one liners, Ash takes the deadites head on to save himself from being another one of their victims. The gore is A+ and the things Ash comes across will have you in stitches. Trust me, if you love horror and haven't seen this yet, go get it, stick it in your DVD player, shut the curtains and get ready for a real classic in horror cinema!

So there we have it, my top 10 horror films of all time! I'm thinking this is going to become a regular feature on the site as I seriously enjoy having to think about my favourites and I love trying to write about them in my particular writing style. As always guys and gals if you've got anything to say let me know either through the comments section, the email address at the bottom of the page, the facebook page or the twitter feed. I may or may not have time tonight to finish off the comic book film article, see how things go. I've also set up a few other blogs which once I get some things up and ready on them I'll unleash upon the world.

Anyways, if I don't get chance to write anything tonight make sure you all have a good evening, afternoon or morning depending where in the world you are!
Vader OUT!

I'm not easily scared but.......

I'm going to let you into a little secret ok? I'm scared of one thing and one thing only.

And no it isn't cute lil Regan here.

And it isn't this colourful freak either (I will admit I can't watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang because of him, well I could but I choose not too!)

No my only fear is much stronger than the both of them put together. I have one large collection of DVD's and I'm proud to say only 3 of them have this "thing" that causes cold sweats and sleepless nights.

My problem.....I forgot which one's they were and about 45 mins ago I popped the disc into my player and sat back to enjoy Spider-Man. And then it hit me, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, a cold sweat came upon my brow....I shit myself in fact (not literally before any of you ask!). The cause of this....and remember to turn your speakers up full whack.

SEE!!!!! I can't even bare to watch that again, today was the first time in around 4 years I've sat through it, and I'll admit it, I'm proud I didn't grab a pillow and sob uncontrollably into it!

I can hear you all laughing now, I can feel it!! It all comes from being a kid and going to the flicks with my Gran. In fact let's go all misty eyed and have a lovely blue haze cover us as Wayne and Garth come across the screen letting us know we're travelling back to how things were........


I was 6. Every Saturday morning without fail me and my Gran would go shopping at like 7am then be at the cinema for 10am to catch that weeks newest kids release. I'll be hones I can't remember which film it was, but I'm sat there with the sweets we'd bought from the market, me with my sports mixture, her with her bloody toasted teacake coconut thingy's.....anyways, we'd bought a small popcorn and I'm sat there checking out the trailers. The screen fades to black as the final runway lights go out to get us ready for the feature presentation and then it happened.

The certification screen came on.......

Nothing I know so I still sat there all excited and then it started, THAT video. The lightning strikes, the rocks come into view as the helicopter comes overhead and then the worst moment, when in a quite empty cinema and the stereo system pumped up to full, the guitar was struck.


Well the sports mixture went 15ft into the air and I screamed. Not just a yelp but a full blown scream.

I felt the tears start to roll down my cheeks as the most chilling sound came into my ears, that little chinking noise to show how amazing the stereo was in the screen. It surround my head in an instant and sent me flying out of my seat, down the aisle and out of the door past the usher who was stood taking tickets.

Yes keep laughing, it's what I'm here to do! Anyways I was finally tempted back into my seat by my Gran who'd, after consoling me, bought me a HUGE tub of popcorn. But the scars remained.....

Even at the age of 14 when me and my mates used to think we were cool getting into 15 films and the occasional 18, when that came on before the film, I used to ram my fingers as deep into my ear as they could go much to the amusement of my friends. The only problem then as sitting eating popcorn whilst not trying to get earwax on it! (Ok I made that last bit up, I washed my hands first!)

Well again, this one's a little bit different from my usual articles, but I'm hoping you all still enjoyed a little insight into my movie going life. Next up will be my list of the 10 greatest horror films of all time!

Oh and catch you on the flipside Vaderites! (haha you even have a nickname from me now!!!)