Tuesday, 1 November 2011

Here'ssssssssssss Johnny.......Jason.......Freddy?!? Anyone?!?!?!?!?!?!

Well hello there guys and gals, how we all doing?!?

I did promise us a bit of a treat this week, what with yesterday being Halloween. This would have been posted yesterday but alas a small computer problem put paid to that but we're not going to let that ruin our fun are we?

Nope didn't think so!!

As I did mention the other day we're going to spend a few days looking at a few different horror related things, so let's get this thing going shall we?

The plan I'm thinking would be to have a look at a few horror series, trailers for each one and the such and give you my own little take on them, sound good?

Well of course it does....I'm doing it after all! Let's GO!!!

Now then, 2011 actually sees the first year (well since 2004!) that Halloween hasn't been graced by Jigsaw, sad faces all round please.

I freely admit, I was....no wait I AM a massive fan of the series.Ok, Ok they are rather simple the further they got along and turned more into an extended advert for "how not to use ScrewFix Direct" and porn for the gore hounds, but my lord were they fun! Who honestly thought that something as low key and cheap as the first movie would turn into some sort of horror behemoth? Let's go back to the beginning and I'll show you what I mean...


Ok so we're actually talking about 2 guys, stuck in a dirty bathroom. Fun yes?

Well actually it is! Honestly it really is...Vader Promise! I remember as I've previously mentioned elsewhere on the site how this was a totally secretive film, posters (or "billboards" for you US readers!) sprung up almost overnight a week before release stating,


Well after initially seeing that and laughing (how could you not?) I wanted to see SAW, I wanted to know what it could be. The night came, I'm sat there, popcorn in hand, drink in the other and it started.....2 guys in a dirty bathroom. I thought for one minute I'd stumbled into the wrong film...oh wait, there's a dead due lay in the middle of the floor who's blown his brains out...WOW.....NO WAY, they're chained up by their ankles in this room....WHAT?? There's a serial killer called Jigsaw??

You kinda get the picture, I was mesmerized by what was unfolding up on the screen, I mean I'm not going to ruin anything for you here but "somehow" one of these 2 guys gets free and makes his bid for freedom and then the one thing that SAW became famous for started.

Oh yes Vaderites, THE TWIST! As the series moved along you always knew when it was coming, and no, lack of running time left wasn't it! It was this, a piece of music that became to be known as "Hello Zepp".

It's good that isn't it? As a fan, when you heard those opening bars start up, you got all excited and paid even more attention to see if you'd missed anything whilst watching the film that you could have missed which would have given everything away.

Another defining feature of every movie was the fact that every one was linked in some way either by a character (and I don't mean Jigsaw himself!) or a place/situation.


Yes, ladies and gents the following year we were treated to a sequel which was every bit as good as, if not better than the original! SAW II is generally considered to be the best film of the whole franchise and well, I couldn't agree more!

This one follows a group of people in.....a smelly house, I'm actually starting to notice a bit of a pattern here, maybe in horror films you can't actually have a house or a warehouse of some sort that doesn't smell. I mean come on, you can't tell me Freddy's boiler room smelled good, or Leatherface's family home/abattoir smelt of roses? Hell I bet Jason has the worst body odour of anything you could ever imagine, in fact I can promise you that all these people he slayed with his machete were already dead from him just raising his arm to strike them with it....


Jason lifts his arm to deliver the fatal blow



Splat, machete through the face. Yum.

Ahem where was I? Oh yeahhhhhh this one concerned a group of people in a house which has a chemical being pumped into it meaning that either way....well they're pretty much fucked as they have to make their way out of the house in a certain amount of time whilst dodging and beating Jigsaw's crazy "games". As always, there's a link between the main character and the guys in the house as well as a link to the first film.....fun times.


Ahh SAW III, I remember your release just like it was yesterday, it wasn't, I mean come on I'm not the proud honour of a time machine nor have the need to hit 88mph.

Anyways, as I was saying, there was a lot of hysteria surrounding the film over here in Blighty due to the film being so "graphic" that people were being taken out of screening due to fainting and vomiting, muhahaha what fun!

Actually the screening I was in, there was at least 3 people carried out by friends, semi concious and numerous people being sick and what was I and my girlfriend doing?


I know that makes me weird right? The SAW franchise quickly became a highlight on both of our calendars and we always strived to be there opening night.

Enough of my love life though this one concerned a guy....in a smelly warehouse, see told you didn't I!! SAW III had more of a moral compass compared to the other films though as we follow a guy called Jeff who's having a bit of a hard time after his son was killed in a car crash and as he makes his way through the warehouse he comes across people that were involved in the case surrounding the death and we watch as Jeff makes the choices whether they live or die.

Deep huh?

So yeah as previously mentioned there is a link to SAW II, although minor in the general scheme of things but it does help tie everything in!


Ok, I know this one doesn't actually give you much but maybe that's for the best as the proper trailer pretty much gives away what happens at the end of 3!

A lot of people's complaints are directed towards the fact that we all wanted to know how Jeff's story would end, as after 3 there was a lot that could have happened, but no, it gets sewn up pretty quickly!

In this one Lt.Rigg (from SAW II and III, there's one of your links from previous films!) becomes an unwilling player in Jigsaws games ( in smelly places no doubt!). This is where things started going a bit pear shaped as you feel the writers were struggling to tie everything in with previous films and the twist that follows is pretty much obvious from the first 5 minutes of the film but it's still a bit of fun getting there. We also find out what finally happened to a character we first met in the second film, so yay!

The trailer for this one, of which I'll be honest does show you a character from the 4th film so you get an idea that he does survive what happens to him, but apart from that this film....sucked.

Yes, even as a fan I can be honest and non-objective when telling you my feelings! you get the feeling that some of the events in this are just helping tide you over until the finale of the series whenever that may have been. Which when you think about it, is a pretty stupid thing to do as what would have happened if SAW V failed miserably? (Ok the studio knew it wouldn't as the SAW films had a knack of making their full budget back over the opening weekend....and more)

So we follow an FBI agent (the dude in the trailer and from IV) as he believes he's solved the case of who is Jigsaw's second accomplice, and meh. FBI agenty man runs around in some, I'm guessing, smelly places and so on and so forth. We also get to witness 5 people connected through circumstance going through some real shitty traps in what I can promise you, would be a smelly place! There is one part of this film though that is of some real importance come #7 though so keep those eyes peeled mmmmkay?


Ahh yes SAW VI, another shit entry into the whole SAW canon. I'm not really sure how much more I can add, this time we follow a group of people involved in insurance (who actually do tie into the whole mythology, don't ask) getting their "what for's".

This film just sucked majorly, it also brings in a character we've known about for a long time doing something pretty much out of character and something we have actually learnt over time, they were totally against, but hey, this is Hollywood baby! They do what they like!

Not too long after the release, it was announced that SAW VII would be the final film in the series. Us SAW geeks started getting all excited as we tried to figure out who or what was involved in the background of every film, that one person, or people who had been helping Jigsaw all along. Reviewers in magazines and on websites rejoiced at not having to sit through any more SAW films after the next one, and who could blame them?

SAW had slowly become a shadow of it's former self, a parody almost of hardcore gore porn. The more blood (CGI as well may I add...*GULP) split meant to the produces that more money would be made, and they were right. Forget about story or plot....no it's all about the moolah. And then the one sentence you don't want to hear muttered was announces
"SAW VII....in 3D"
Now I'm the first to admit, I'm not a big fan of this whole 3D revival going on, hell I remember how shit it was back in the 80's and there's nothing about a horror film shot in 3D (of which another film in our choices will be talked about this week!)

I started to worry...was I right to? Join us again after the break where we'll go through the final film in the series and wrap everything up for you in a tight, neat, pretty little bow just for you.

Oh, *ahem* welcome back, now, where were we?

SAW VII (or 3D, you know, whatever)

SEE, even the trailer doesn't even help it's cause does it?!?! All that shit flying out of the screen, give me a break!

I admit, when I saw (hahaha see what I did there...oh) this I worried. This should have been the grand finale of a great but bumpy horror series and it was turning into a complete joke. I think also having to pay like an extra £2 to see it pissed me off a little.

I walked into the cinema all angry (but still rocking the popcorn and drink!) and sat down at the first showing of the day waiting to be annoyed of how they ruined everything and couldn't even finish everything properly.

I was wrong.

Talk about a complete swerve ball and a return to form! Awesome traps, awesome deaths and the mother of all twists!! We go all the way back to the first film here which was a welcome thing after what we'd been through with the previous few films! In this one, we follow a self help guru who falsely stated he survived a Jigsaw trap and has made some money off of it. Our killer isn't to best pleased by this and decides to make him suffer whilst also playing games with the police, who now know the killers identity.

This was what it was all about a great film with such a massive shock of an ending that you sit there mouthing "WTF", oh and I did, I'm also pretty sure I said it out loud too, luckily I wasn't the only one! Yes, I know I keep going on about the twist but it's the big pay off that you'd been waiting 6 years and 7 films for and my lord, was it worth it.

So there we have it Vaderites, the first post of horror week. I hope you had fun reading it even in my strange style. I've been told that reading my writing is like you're actually sat in front of me as if I was speaking to you, whether that's the case, I don't know. I just aim to please and I really do hope you've all enjoyed today's post! I mean even if it makes you go out and rent/buy/steal these films, then hell, I've done a good job I'd say!

So keep well, look after yourselves and one anoth....shit no that's not me, before I sign off though I have one thing to say to someone about the whole SAW saga...


Ahem anyways....


Saturday, 29 October 2011

What's This? What's This? There's A Post Over There.....

Well, well, well if it isn't me, doing exactly what I promised hey?

I do have to apologise now, yes I used a lyric from The Nightmare before Christmas there, but seen as it's a CHRISTMAS film and I'm not a fan, it's going to be the only mention of it in this wholeeeeeeeee article!

Right anyways, back onto what I said I'd do. I'm thinking maybe do things a bit differently and instead of full reviews or a full list (seen as I've done it before) I'm just going to go through my DVD collection instead and open you up to some awesome (and ok, some seriously shit) films.

The question is where do I start....

Ahh yes, let's take a trip back to 2002. I was 17 and pretty much failing at college, well ok I never turned up but come on. Ahem anyways.....So yeah a little film about a flesh eating "virus" attacking a group of "sexy" people in some redneck part of the US. 
I'm going to be totally honest with you right away though, seen as I'm good like that, I only wanted to see this because Rider Strong was starring in it. Anyone who knows him will be wondering why in the hell he would make me want to see it but what can I tell you, I was a massive Boy Meets World fan!!
 *cough* So yes Cabin Fever, directed by Eli Roth (his first movie) is a great little fun flick which does what you need to. It has the gore, it has the laughs, it has the country bumpkins, it has sex.....ermm actually it hasn't, I mean it could have led to that but....yeah see it and you'll know what I'm on about...Also ladies, just be careful when shaving your legs....if you know what I mean. Well your Venus razor will not work well if you're suffering from a particularly nasty strain of a flesh eating virus!
As for the sequel......just pretend there isn't one! If you get the chance though, please do pop this one in as I promise you, if you like your blood that extra shade of red, this is for you!!

Here's a trailer for you people to enjoy!

Ok, so next in the list, hmmm let me just lean over and look at the DVD's.....Ahh yes, why not...


Oh yes, now this is a real fun film! I mean come on guys, just look at the tagline, "Herbert West Has A Good Head On His Shoulders... And Another One On His Desk". Come on, how can you not tell me that it doesn't sound like good fun!

Actually based upon a H.P Lovecraft story, the film focuses on a pair of medical students, one who is rather normal with a girlfriend and one who is....well Herbert West. Good 'ol Herb likes messing about with dead tissue and well.....this leads to all manner of things. Dead cats coming back to life? Yep we've got that! Re-animated corpses baying for blood? Yeah, we've got that too. The severed re-animated head of a suspecting doctor performing oral sex? Ermm yeah we've got that one as well.

But don't let that put you off, this is a fun, gory film which spawned a few sequels and made a B-Movie star out of Jeffrey Combs, so trust me on this one, get a copy and get it watched!

Have a quick look at this then seen as I'm hoping you're still here!

Once I started writing this article I came to the conclusion that alot of the horror films in my collection are actually parts of a series of films so I'm going to dedicate a few articles over the next few days, detailing each film in the series and maybe a *GASP* short explanation on why I'm such a big fan! So promise me you're not going to be sat there reading this going "oh come on he's left out xxxxxx or yyyyyy", Well people, chances are what you're thinking about will be here soon! In fact let's make it a bit of a horror week....what ye s....oh wait....I can't actually hear you, funny that. Maybe one day they will invent some sort of programme which means we could speak over the intern..




So there it is, I'll call this one quits for now and get planning on the "collection" posts, we've got Saw, we've got A Nightmare On Elm Street, hell we've even got Friday The 13th!! Amongst those we'll also have a few surprises thrown in, that I can guarantee.

So sorry if this wasn't what you were expecting tonight but....well no excuse I just felt like it!

So keep tuning in over the rest of the weekend and the rest of the week and see what I can write for you Vaderites, I know you love it really...




Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Oh No.....

Yes, I went all Black Ops on your sorry asses yet again!

I come back to have a quick look and to tell you something and it's happening again....

People are looking for Bart's dick!!!

What the hell was I thinking......You sick people, especially the gentleman in France from yesterday who felt it necessary to not only google it, but then proceeded to click back onto it a good 8 times!!

Annnnnnnnyways, It's that special time of year isn't it, and being a geek like myself it can only mean one thing.


Now if you've been around since the beginning you'll know I'm a big fan when it comes to this genre, hell I even gave you my list of the 10 greatest horror films way, way back (See Here!!)......So I'm thinking to celebrate our first Halloween together we're going to have......

Horror Night!!

Now, I don't know when I'll be posting it up as I do have a few little things to sort out with the other site I'm currently working on but I can guarantee (oooooh shit!) that it will be up in all it's blood soaked glory before the big day!

Anyways enjoy yourselves (not literally when it concerns you cartoon porn freaks! I can only imagine some of the depraved shit you people get up to.....poor, poor Lois Griffin) and keep checking back as I promise, my big celebrated return (ok maybe I'm the only one going on about it but still...) will be worth the 2 minutes of your life (this does include the cartoon freaks as it will probably last longer than the time you spend with the pictures)!!

Salutations Vaderino's

Saturday, 15 October 2011


Ok....Ok I know I know it's been ages since I last posted anything but I've been a little bit busy (Alright I forgot Ok?!?). I've been rather busy building another site to be used for a business venture, of which I'll show you soon.

The major thing is though....


So keep your eyes peeled for some new updates soon.

Oh and I do have to say unless anybody didn't know how Blogger works, I can see what brings the majority of you here (Thanks Yellowboard!) but honestly, the freak who's been searching for Bart Simpson porn and pictures of his dick....


QUICK UPDATE - Just totalled up the amount of searches for Bart this month......158.....you strange person you! Well I'm hoping it's just one person or else...well.......*SHUDDER*

Also I really want to thank you guys for continuing to visit the site, depending I've not put anything on since June time, I've somehow added another close on 2000 visitors from all over the world, I'm talking places like the USA, Germany, Australia, Estonia, Brazil, Mexico and such. I have no idea how you guys find me but carry on coming back!

That is all.....Vader Out

Tuesday, 19 July 2011

UPDATE - Does Whatever A Spider-Pig Does, He Does It In HD!!!!!!


Well, well, well, looky at what we have here, can somebody say....


As The Macho Man Randy Savage (RIP!) would have said....


Quality is a bit poor but hell, it gives you a slight idea of how much this may rock! As well should know by now, I'm a HUGE Spidey fan and I'm seriously looking forward to this as Andrew Garfield is a cracking little actor.

It's always worth having a scout around though for certain trailers (The Avengers I'm looking at you and may I add to you wow!), if there's call for them I'll chuck them up.

If it does annoys anyone (That's you the big scary lawyer men!) and it needs to be taken down , give me a shout on here.


Credit to movie-list.com, even though it's straight from youtube but I'm just such a nice dude!

Monday, 18 July 2011

Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That, Who's Afraid Of The Big Bad.....S%*T WRONG FILM!!!!

Today is a special day, you all saw (Well I bloody well hope you all saw!) The Dark Knight Rises poster I posted last week.

Well today is even more special.....


Enjoy.....It's only like 12 months till it's out!

He Soooooo Doesn't Have A Limit.....Or Does He??!?!

Ok so, yes I know it's been a fair while but I promise you whilst my computer joined the ol' scrapyard in the sky I haven't been doing nothing.

Well almost nothing, I've errr.....

Ok, Ok you got me, I've done absolutely nothing, the weather has been absolutely fantastic here so been enjoying that but I've also spent some time catching up on a pile of disc's I needed to watch and this is the proverbial fruits of my labour!!!

Now I'm going to admit something to you here, I love Bradley Cooper.

Ok so it's not in that man crush sort of way but there's something about him I just can't help liking, I mean I feel the same about Ryan Reynolds, but when I first saw the trailer for this I just thought....

Well I just thought....

But then I finally sat down with and that meh mutated into something, something majestic and awesome, it turned into a....

This film is just amazing. Now we all know I'm not one to make a comment on the filming style nor anything technical like that, I pride myself on giving you the sort of review you want, no bullshit just the facts, is it shit or not, but I need to make a few comments on the whole style of this thing, but first let me tell you what it's all about.

So we follow Eddie, a struggling author from NYC, going nowhere, doing nothing and now single. A chance run in with his ex wife's brother leads Eddie to taking a drug which opens up the dormant 80% part of the brain. This leads to him finishing his book almost instantly, learning a new language or 2 whilst out on a jog and banging his landlords wife who truly hates his guts. The only problem?
Well apart from taking drugs (Remember kids, drugs are bad mmm'kay) Eddie is drawn into a lifestyle which becomes impossible to maintain without the drug, and the drug isn't legal which makes it even harder for him to get his hands on it. Throw in a Eastern European loan shark, a cold blooded killer and De Niro. The question is, what's going to kill Eddie first, circumstances or the drug?

Oooh, now that was just like reading a synopsis from Empire or Total Film hey?  
You sure?
Yeah, I didn't think so! Anyways the reason I love this film so much isn't due to the fact Bradley Cooper is awesome as a total waste of space turned into a smooth slick smug rich guy, nor the fact De Niro looks like he finally cares about acting again, nor even how cool the story is.
No, its due to the film making. The film starts all grey and dreary and seems slow but the minute Eddie pops one of his special pills in, there's an explosion of colour, the whole screen brightens up as vivid colours fill the screen. the cuts become quick and sharp and some of the tracking shots are fantastic!

Ahem, anyways enough of me going all "film student" on you (which by the way I wasn't ever one, my college didn't do them so what did I do, "Theatre Studies", I thought it'd be the same, ermmm it wasn't, Chekhov isn't for me, neither is studying Stanislavsky's method, shit I forgot I was telling you something then...) this is one great piece of film making which pretty much got the director, Neil Burger (what an awesome name!!!), the Uncharted : Drake's Fortune gig. It might not seem much but if it stops Mark Wahlberg getting a job, I'm all for it!!

As always let's have a quick look at the trailer before we get down to the nitty gritty.....

So now it's time.

This is where I'm going to shock you though as I know you know what you think you know about what I know when it comes to marking this. I'm here to tell you though you don't know that I know that you know what you think you know what I know....ahem err.....


Hahahaha told you so didn't I!!! You well though I was going to be giving this 5 Winks, but as amazing as I find this film, it isn't up there in the classic section just yet, but in time no doubt when I come to re-evaluate my original scores it might just sneak in.

So there we have it, I think that is my first review in, what 2 months? Hope it was worth the wait for you guys and I need to apologise, god knows what I've done but it looks like everything has gone all double spaced on the page.....never mind.

Vader Out!!!


Well hello there Vaderino's.....You guys missed me?

Why, of course you have!!!! Got lots and lots to catch up with and something very special to finish up with today so let's get to it!!

New post coming up in T-Minus 10 mins and counting......

Monday, 20 June 2011

There's problem at the ol' mill Lassie

Hey there Vaderinos!!

First off, sorry there's been nothing new up for a while but we're having a few technical issues here at Vader Towers, the computer is dying a slow and more than likely painful death.

The problem is being sorted but it could be another few days/weeks until we can get it resolved.

There's quite a few reviews raring to go for when the normal service is resumed.

So with that I say bye bye and look after each other,

Vader Out

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

McDonalds Saves The Day....I Think?!?

Mac And Me

Wow, I'm back yet again, I must really be bored!! So here we go guys and gals, the final part of our little trip down memory lane. this was the 3rd DVD in that collection I was bought that was a bit of a rare one.

This one follows a young boy in a wheelchair who befriends a little alien (the Mac in question!) and follows them escaping from NASA agents whilst trying to reunite Mac with his family.

Well that doesn't sound like ET at all does it? Oh no, of course not, this is totally different. Why?

Because it is seriously shit!!!!!

If not due to the rehash of ET's story, not by a long shot. This is shit due to it being one long commercial!

I'm not kidding you know. Mac supposedly stands for "Mysterious Alien Creature", but it becomes rather obvious very quickly that it is actually standing for McDonalds! The only thing Mac will eat or drink is Skittles and Coke which leads us to the most obvious product placement of the whole film.

A 5 minute dance number involving Ronald McDonald himself whilst in a McDonalds restaurant!!! If that doesn't scream "EAT HERE" I don't know what else would.

There is a reason that this is classed as one of the worst films ever by almost anyone who has ever seen or reviewed it.

Do you know what makes this even more shameful? And I'm asking you this after you have just seen that trailer. They tried to claim that none of the product placement was intentional...errrrrrmmm ok yeah I believe you.

So there's only one score I could possibly give this film.


And a request that none of you actively go out searching to see this film, and for God's sake, do not buy it!

What I will give you though seen as you will never (I hope!) see this film, is the famous(!) dance scene I was telling you about.

Now go wash your eyes out and think about what you've just done you sick, sick human being.

Vader Out!

Super Joystick Hero Bros. 3

The Wizard

Howdy again Vaderinos. Not bad is it? 2 posts within an hour!!! It's just like when I first opened the site!

As I mentioned in the last post, we'd be talking about another film from my childhood, The Wizard.

This was in the pile of DVD's my missus got me that birthday and my god did I worship this film.

It follows the story of Jimmy, a young boy who is always running away from home with his little lunchbox trying to get to California. It's not really mentioned, but it's implied that Jimmy is suffering from autism. He doesn't say much since his twin sister died in a drowning accident, the only word from his mouth is "California". After what happened with his sister, the family broke down, with Jimmy staying with his Mother and Stepfather and his other 2 brothers (Christian Slater and Fred Savage) living with their father.

After Jimmy is put into an institution, Corey (Savage) decides to break him out and finally take him to California. On the way, Corey realises that Jimmy has a skill at video games and after meeting Hayley, who is trying to get home, they decide to enter Jimmy into "Video Armageddon", a competition being held in L.A.

Along the way they use Jimmy's skill to hustle people out of money to help fund their trip. Whilst travelling they run into a teenager who uses the famous "Power Glove" as his controller who declares he is entering the competition and will win the $50,000 prize.

Whilst this is going on we have the sub plot of Jimmy and Corey's mother hiring a specialist in tracking down runaway kids who is in a battle to find them before the boys father and brother. I have to admit it's a fun little sub plot which shows the lengths people will go to find missing kids.

Sounds like something else really when you think about it, no? Can anybody say Rainman??

What makes this film extra special thought is the actual competition. It was the first time we had ever laid eyes on what is easily the greatest video game of all time, SUPER MARIO BROS. 3!!!! Man, did seeing that on screen get me all excited for finally getting my hands on the game. Personally I'm thinking that Nintendo just used the whole film as one extra long commercial, what with this, the Power Glove and Double Dragon playing big parts in the story, you'd be stupid to think differently.

Here's the trailer for you to get all excited over;

It's now that time that you're all waiting for.....Vader Winks time!!!

Now as you can tell, this film holds a very special place in my heart as I remember loving it so much, and I still do now. It's fun, exciting, serious and has Mario 3, what more could I honestly ask for? As for the score though I have to be totally honest with you guys and that means.....

3.5 VADER WINKS!!!!!!

Yes, maybe not the score you might have been expecting from me but it's what I think it deserves. It has aged considerably and not too well if I'm honest with you, and yet again it's a Fred Savage film where it shows what a talent he had, and what a talent he wasted.

When you actually look at films he's been in with people, it's like his bad luck has rubbed off on them, I mean let's just take a quick look before I sign this one off....

The Princess Bride - Cary Elwes
Vice Versa - Judge Reinhold
The Wizard - Christian Slater
The Boy Who Could Fly - Jason Priestly
Little Monsters - Daniel Stern

All those guys were huge at one point and now, well you either don't hear from them, are in TV shows that suck or DTV releases that are seriously crap. And in all 5 cases there is one common denominator....


Ladies and Gentleman, I rest my case.

Vader signing off till next time......

ARGHHHH Real Monsters?????

Gooooooooooooooooood Morning Vaderino's!!!

So, I'm sat here, I'm bored, I don't know what to watch.

Then.....It happened......

In the corner of my eye I spotted it, a film so obscure that you can't get it on DVD over here (well you can get it on import from the US)

Little Monsters

You see, as a kid we had a guy called "The Video Man" come round to the house. He rocked up in a burgundy coloured jeep and when he swung open his boot it was loaded up with crate upon crate of VHS tapes. We paid him like £5 every 2 weeks and took about 5 tapes off of him. They weren't always the new releases but most of the time they were classics and real random films, you know the type I'm talking about, the sort that the 80's was famous for! Well one day I'm sat there probably playing on my NES (yes kids a NES, one of the greatest computer console's of all time!) and the door went. My mum opened it and there he was, a bright light shining from behind his jeep and an angelic choir started to sing heralding his arrival....or maybe it was pissing it down with rain and you could hear the local kids causing trouble but still, why let it ruin a perfect image?

Anyways, one night I picked up this, and excitedly popped it into the VHS player.

I loved it. It was funny, it was scary, it was everything a weird kid like me would want.

And then I got it on DVD.

It all came about a few years back. My missus asked me what I'd like for my birthday and being a geek like myself I just said how I'd like a few DVD's that I hadn't seen for a few years. My list consisted of...

The Wizard
Mac And Me
Little Monsters

Now you see I'm a lucky guy when it comes to certain things, and finding this woman was one of them. Not only did she get me a pile of DVD's but in the middle of the pile were these 3 classics from my childhood. Now I will talk about the other 2 some other day soon but this is all about the Fred Savage classic, Little Monsters.

So back to the beginning of our story. I couldn't decide what to do today so thought, hell I'll watch Little Monsters. Let me give you a brief idea of what it's about.

The story follows Brian, a 6th grader who's family have just moved into a new house. Pretty soon strange things start happening in the house and after being told by his brother, Eric, that there are monsters who come into the house at night, Brian decides to confront the problem. This leads to Brian trapping Maurice, the monster who's been causing all the trouble. After a few chats, Brian and Maurice become friends and Maurice starts taking Brian on scare jobs, which leads to them causing trouble to a variety of kids from his school. Pretty soon though Brian learns he's slowly turning into a monster and after Eric is kidnapped by the monsters, Brian gathers together his friends and goes into the monster world to get him back.

Sounds fun I admit and as a kid it really was. Maurice was the sort of character you fell in love with instantly, he was crude and naughty and funny and as a kid, the sort of guy you wanted to be friends with.

At 25 though? Wow this film is totally different from how I remembered it! There's swearing, piss jokes and a joke about having your head blown off by a 12 gauge shotgun!! Eyes popping out of someones head!! Monsters melting!! Masturbation jokes!! Faces melted off by light!!

Not really the sort of things you' really want your kids watching. Is it? I didn't think so. I can honestly say sitting here, at 25, I'm genuinely shocked at how adult orientated this actually is. Obviously some kids films have to have something for the adults to see so they can sit through them but this was possibly one step too far, even for me.

As always here's the trailer for you;

Even looks weird doesn't it? Now as I said, it can't be bought in the UK, only as an import but if you look hard enough, you can watch it on YouTube in it's entirety. Now though, it's time for the Vader Winks.

If I was reviewing this from memory 5 years ago, it would probably have got a good solid 4 from me. Now though? Well after sitting through it again, and realising what the hell was going on, I can only give it one score...


Maybe a little low but I can honestly say I'm quite shocked with how adult it actually is! On a bonus note though Ben Savage, who plays Brian's cute little brother Eric, is the guy from Boy Meets World, which I loved as a kid, it was a great programme!

Even more funny though is the guy who plays Maurice. Howie Mandel is his name and it may not mean much to many of us. But to some he is actually the host of America's version of Deal or No Deal!!!! He's also a judge on America's Got Talent! Just proof that even after acting in something like this, you can still make a career in entertainment.

Unlike Fred Savage. He had the world at his feet and now.....He directs TV shows.....

Oh, and he directed Daddy Day Camp...hmmm

Such a shame.

Vader Out

Monday, 23 May 2011

If I Were A Toy.......Or A Cartoon. Hell, You Probably Raped My Childhood Too!!!

It happened again you know. There I am typing out another article and go to do something and BOOM everything gets deleted!

But this time I'm not going to let it beat me! You're still going to get the article, even if it drives me nuts!

So today, we're talking about films that are based upon toys and cartoons. The magic of the cartoons which are based upon the toys is the fact that they are just really 20-25 minute long commercials. So without messing about too much as I have already spent 45 mins on this article so let's get it on!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

This was the inspirtaion for this whole article due to me actually sitting here watching it right this second! The movie is based upon the comic book, cartoon and toy line of the same name. Now being a 90's kid (well I was born in '85, but you know what I mean!) this was my generations ultimate cartoon. It had everything, turtles (which were huge at the time) and ninjas, what more could you ask for? Anyways enough of me reminiscing.....

Released in 1990 at the height of the cartoon and toy's fame, this is the first film I can genuinely remember being shocked and excited that I was going to be able to see it. You see, I was a huge turtles fan! I had it all,

The Toys

The Bed Sheets

The Wallpaper

Ok, admittedly this one is just a poster but it's the best I could find, and my wallpaper was pretty much just that design all over! Back in the day this picture was on everything, hell I even had it on a T Shirt!! This picture actually reminds me of when I was 6, I had a Turtles themed birthday party at home. I had a Leonardo birthday cake (he was my favourite and he wore blue!), out of the 10 invite 6 of us (including me) had the T Shirt I mentioned on and we had pin the tail on Leonardo's mask! Oh yeah we rocked hard that day!!

I also had countless copies of the VHS Tapes they produced at the time. I used to sit there and just watch them over and over (so glad I managed to pick up a DVD copy of these episodes!). It also happened to have the greatest theme song ever...

Oh look it's that symbol yet again. You know what, I dare you not to be singing this for the rest of the day!!

Shit sorry, I got all caught up then and forgot, we're about movies on here!

So yeah in 1990 the film came out. At the time I thought it was brilliant. It was funny and full of action and hell, we got Casey Jones!!! (If you don't know who he is, google him!!)

This is all about a crime wave sweeping through New York City. The cause of the crime wave? Shredder and his Foot Clan that's who!! Our favourite reporter April O'Neil is of course looking into all of this when she is mugged and saved by Raphael (for the uninitiated he wears the red mask!). The Turtles then get involved when Splinter is kidnapped, leading to them finally facing off against Shredder!

Of course on looking back you can see it isn't brilliant but still it's a great ride down memory lane for people of around 25+. As always here's the trailer for you...

What I did learn about this whilst researching it, was that the plot of the film was actually based upon a few issues of the original comic book whilst adding in a few elements of the cartoon series, most notably April O'Neil being a reporter and the boys wearing coloured masks (in the comic they wore red)

Of course being based on a cartoon and toy line this was one successful movie which as we all know had to spawn a sequel, well a couple in fact but we don't talk about the 3rd one nor the dodgy CGI one from 2007! This leads us to the sequel...

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze

Now this is my personal favourite in the series! This is due to the fact it was one of the only films (if not the only!) that my Gran took me to see and didn't actually fall asleep watching! It's also one where I managed to con my Gran, Mum and Dad to all take me separately to see!

The follow up to the first one only came out a year later in 1991 and was a lot more aimed at the younger generation. This was due to the first one keeping the rather dark element of the comic books. What you will notice is that the Turtles barely use their weapons, due to a lot of parents complaining about excessive use in the first film.

This focusses on the ooze which helped create the guys and Splinter. Shredder returns after (SPOILER ALERT) seemingly meeting his end in the first film (SPOILER END) and follows his quest to gain revenge on the whole gang for ruining his plan.

One of the main selling points of this film was the fact that it had a pretty good Vanilla Ice cameo and song in it (Yes, he did do more than Ice,Ice Baby you know).

So maybe it's not too good, but hey, I was 6!!! Let's have a good look at the trailer....

Sadly though as I said, they made a 3rd film which involved them being transported back in time to Japan and shows them helping a village and blah blah blah. Then there was TMNT which I mentioned earlier and again this sucks!

In better news though there is a new live action Turtles film arriving in 2012 which is to be produced by Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes company (the guys who brought us remakes of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre etc) Nothing much has been mentioned about it apart from a single image that was anonymously sent out to movie sites

Not as "cute" as previous incarnations but it looks like they might be trying to go back to how they were originally created, ugly human like turtles that kick ass!

Next on our list is....

G.I Joe: The Rise Of Cobra

Oh my Lord did this suck. Yet again based upon a cartoon and toy line, this just....sucks.

Maybe it's because I wasn't really a fan of it growing up, I'm not sure really but even still anything that puts Channing Tatum front and centre can't be good. This follows a rather redundant story line about some nano filled missiles and an evil group led by said missile designer and a covert group of heroes sent out to regain said missile. Yeah as you can see I have no interest in it at all!
A trailer....

What's more shocking is the fact that the animated movie is 1000 times better than this will ever be and that involved a race of snake people!!

One question I will give you though, which has more acting ability?


 I'll give you a hint, it isn't the human!

Another film based upon the cartoon which again was based on the toy line is....


Right you'll have to forgive me right now as I'm a massive fan of Transformers so my judgement may be a little clouded, but unlike some sites *AICN ahem* I'll be as impartial as possible plus I don't get bought by free stuff, yeah Knowles we're looking at you!!

So after years and years of whispers and waiting we were finally presented in 2007 with a proper live action version of TF! I won't lie, I was dying to see this when it came out. Was I disappointed? Yes and No. You can't imagine how awesome it was to finally see something you'd spent your life watching and playing with finally being realised on the big screen. Yes there had already been a TF movie (we'll get to that!) but this was LIVE ACTION for Christ's sake! Massive robots tearing up shit? YES PLEASE!!!!

Ok, so the story has a lot left to be desired, it follows Sam buying his first car, who turns out to be an Autobot. Sam's ancestor had discovered Megatron trapped in the Arctic and Megatron had lasered the whereabouts of the "All Spark" onto the guys glasses. The Decepticons need the "All Spark" to regenerate etc and it's up to the Autobots to stop them. Yeah sounds interesting, I think not. But the ace in the sleeve for this film?

NOOOOOOOO not Megan Fox!! Although she helps...This guy....

Ok, so maybe he isn't the greatest director who ever lived, but this guy can make beans on toast explosive! Renowned for using excessive explosions and action set pieces, was there anyone else they could have got to make this work? Oh did I mention that Steven Spielberg produces? Robots + Those guys = WIN! 

Of course, when you give the people what they've wanted for years. what's the next logical step? Yep, sequel..

Transformers : Revenge Of The Fallen

Oh man, talk about ruining a good thing. Not only do we turn up the action to 11, but we also thrown in a poor version of a lot of peoples favourite TF (Soundwave I'm looking at you) but we also have some poor toilet humour (Robots have testicles don't you know) and a mild case of racial stereotyping (hello to The Twins)
This follows how TF's had been to earth 1000's of years ago and the pyramids are actually built around a machine made to destroy the sun......errrr ok...... Said Fallen is a bad guy who can only be beaten by a "Prime" but Oh NOOOOOO!!! Optimus Prime gets killed half way through this (Yeah I'm not giving out a Spoiler for that as it's been done before!), so what are we to do?!?!?!

As with most films these days, we will be treated to a third instalment this summer of which I posted a trailer here. Of course this (as G.I. Joe) had a very popular animated movie in the 80's to contend with.

Now that was a film!! It was good fun, it was Orson Welles last credit and Optimus Prime actually dies!! G.I. Joe was supposed to go the same way with Duke dying but since the backlash to OP dying was so big they had to change the ending!! This is also rather popular due to the songs that were in it.

Stan Bush, we salute you.....

I can also tell you now, the toys are still impossible to do and I'm 26 this year. My folks got me Optimus Prime last Christmas as a joke and then took great delight in me screaming abuse at it on Christmas Day as it was getting the better of me, Damn you Prime, Damn you to HELL!!

The last film on our list today is....

Masters Of The Universe

Oh no. I don't think there's much I could add to this! I mean we should all know the story about how Prince Adam can turn into He-Man and fight Skeletor, right? Can someone explain to me why in this he uses a gun and comes to earth? No? Didn't think so!

This is so bad that no doubt one day we will all look upon it as being a guilty pleasure, not me though! This is shit to the highest degree, end of! There has been talk about a remake/reboot of this one day, my God I hope so!

 Oh look another action figure with more acting skill than the actor who played the character!

So there we have it.....or do we........


Ok so maybe these haven't been made into a movie yet but we can hope!


Now this is another huge part of my childhood, I loved everything about this. For years there's been talk about a movie version but alas nothing has come to fruition...... Yet. What has been released not so long back though was the CGI tests for a movie version that was cancelled....sad face time.

How brilliant could that have been? Shame we'll never probably get to see that really. What we can have is a BRAND NEW series though which should be hitting the UK sometime this year!

But lets just spend a few minutes reminiscing....


How warm and fuzzy do you feel right now?

Lion-O We Salute You!!!!


Now if there was ever a call to get a film made of a property, this is it! A film about guys and gals who have special masks and have vehicles that can change into helicopters, and planes etc?? YES PLEASE! Hollywood, get this made now!!!

I mean how could you not want to see this?? And just to get my hands on the toys again....Ooooh I can't wait!
Yes please, that reminds me actually, some bastard stole my Rhino (the purple truck), I will find you one day!!!

So there we have it yet another article for you to hopefully enjoy. I know I seriously enjoyed writing this one as it gave me ample opportunity to have a stroll down memory lane, and nothing can be better than that! It also helped me to remember what an awesome childhood I had and I was seriously lucky to have lived through such a brilliant time in terms of toys, animation and family!

So as always take care of yourselves and remember, Vader loves you.

Vaderinos, I bid you farewell.

Monday, 9 May 2011

What's This, What's This....It's Only A New Blog


Hope you're all keeping well! Just a quick post to let you know I've started up a new Blog ! I'll be honest it's a lot different as it's about food and recipes (another love of mine!).

I'm looking to make this new Blog a totally interactive experience, where you can share you're recipes (Pictures have to be included!!) and share your results in one's I've posted!

So hopefully I'll see some of you guys over there!

If you do want to send your ideas and pictures in then click here!!!

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

Happy Star Wars Day!!!!

Yeah I'm not ashamed!!

May The Fourth Be With You!!!!


Whilst watching the football, I've just been alerted to this fantastic advert which I think is pretty apt with it being Star Wars Day and all!!


Friday, 29 April 2011


OMFG as the kids put it!!!



Thursday, 28 April 2011


So in the Thor post from a little earlier, I made reference to a cracking trailer I saw in front of it yesterday.
It's about a film that poses that question we've all wanted to know the answer to, what would happen if aliens landed on a council estate in London and all that was there to defeat them was a group of pot smoking, cheap cider, BMX riding chavs?

Well it looks like we're gonna find that answer out....Check it out

If I Had A Hammer, A Hammer In The Morning Or Should It Be..STOP! HAMMER TIME!!!!!

Wow.... I promised it'd be here and it is.

Now normally I don't do reviews for things just out at the flicks (Yes I review things that have been out for maybe a few weeks but this is the first one of something I've seen the day it's out!), but this deserved a Vader Wink review.

"Why?" I hear you ask, well let me tell you people, this rocks!!

We all know by now my feelings on comic book films and this....well this was amazing.

I'll admit as I was sat in the cinema on twitter, I turned to my lovely lady and said to her, "I'm not sure I'm going to like this, I'm not a fan of Thor" to which she replied "Behave, you know you will!!" She's not often right you know, but  this time she was right and more. Just so you know she only came because after asking me about it the other night I pulled up a picture of Chris Hemsworth as Thor.

The problem with this? It happened to be this picture...

When she finally finished drooling 10 minutes later she agreed to go!!

So after agreeing we'd go, on Wednesday we arrived at the cinema, I pulled out the ol' iPhone with my "Orange Wednesday" App on it (hahaha and I'm on o2 muhahahahaha" and paid the lady, jeez how expensive is it for the cinema nowadays. Sometimes I wished I still worked at the cinema, then I'd get 15% off my booze and 25% off the popcorn and.....

Sorry about that..... errmm where was I? Ahh yes, so we bought the popcorn and drink and nachos (it was breakfast and dinner all rolled into one!!), and took our seats. Lights went down and we were treated to the trailers. Now I'm one of these people that loves the trailers, it's sometimes the best bit but I can honestly say I don't remember many of them from yesterday just the one (BTW you MUST watch Attack The Block when it comes out, Aliens Vs. Chavs....YES PLEASE!!!!)

The 3d glasses went on and it started. First things first though the 3d in this is fantastic, the depth it shows in Asgard is just delightful and when Mjölnir (That'd be the hammer for the uninitiated of you!) goes flyting through the air there were a few gasps. Ok so these gasps were by the fat guy with the Thor T-shirt on 5 rows back but still!

So, the story. Well it's about Thor, The God of Thunder from Norse mythology, who is rather big headed and cocksure. He's about to be given the throne by his father Odin over his brother Loki (The God of Mischief) when there's a attack in a sort of trophy room. Thor sees this as a sign of war and without asking goes charging into battle with his friends, Sif and The Warriors Three. Well things go kinda tits up and it ends with Odin casting Thor out of Asgard and throwing Mjölnir after him telling it it shall only be used by somewhere worthy of it. Thor ends up on Earth where he is found by Jane Foster (Geek Alert #1) and her team studying wormholes and the such. This is where a lot of the humour comes, usually involving Thor having to get used to the fact he is only human and no longer a God (try not to laugh when Thor is in hospital and just after he leaves it!). The group take Thor back with them where they get him cleaned up, dress him (Geek Alert #2) and feed him. The film is then about Thor trying to get his hammer back (if you know what you're looking for here it's Geek Alert #3, hint for you, man with bow!) and Jane trying to figure out where he has come from.Yes it rather follows a generic formula (man is good, does bad, learns compassion, becomes good etc etc etc), but it is really good fun!!

Really though, you know deep down that this is just a set up film, ready for next years The Avengers (which I imagine Captain America will be the same!) but that doesn't stop it being immensely good.

What I will say to you though, please if you've ever seen a Marvel film before from Iron Man onwards, you know that you have to stay to the end of the credits (which run a good 5 mins or so!) as there's a little tidbit at the end which you'll love if you know anything about The Avengers.

It's that time though Ladies and Gents time for the Vade......

What? Shit you're kidding me?

You're not?

Guess I better had then....

Sorry almost forgot about that then...so yes Vader Winks time.

Well you should know by now I'm a big massive geek when it comes to these things so I have to judge this with my head not my heart....

Ahh you know what, I don't care it's my site and I'll do what I want so there ner ner na nerr nerrrrrr..

Grow up Vader......So yeah I'm gonna give this 4 VADER WINKS!!!!

It's not a classic by any means as you know this is just leading to something bigger and better next year but it could have been a really bad film, luckily for us it isn't, try to catch it you'll enjoy it I promise!

So there we have it, a rather strange review of the my whole experience I think, keep just to the films in future Vader I hear you cry, well maybe. What I am going to leave you with though is this....They started on Tuesday and this came with the press release....Enjoy...