Just Tap It In, Just Tap It In, Give It A Little Tappy, Tap Tap Taparoo

If you couldn't tell from the title, I'm one of a rare breed. I actually have a problem that I need to address and there's no better place to do such a thing than over the internet in front of faceless people who I don't know and can't judge me.

My name is Vader, and I am a.....

ADAM SANDLER FAN!!

I know, I know, I'm sorry.

I honestly can't help it though, for some unknown reason the guy has a direct line to my funny bone. I should really be ashamed, but I'm not!

Now that we've got this shocking news out there, it's only fair if I drag you (not physically as well, you're reading this on the internet and I can't touch you nor see you....or can I?? Muhahah see what I did there? I just broke the 4th wall!! Ok maybe I didn't seen as this isn't a film or TV show but still, I'm secretly watching you, by the way....nice hair!) through a selection of his films and just try to show you why I'm a fan.

You ready then?? No?? Tough shit we're going in....

AIRHEADS

Well then, he might not be the main star in this fun little film but he's there on the poster so that right away makes him very important! playing a braindead drummer in a rock band, who take a radio station hostage with water pistols just so they can get their demo heard. It might sound stupid, well it is but it's actually a lot of fun, plus you get to see the face that goes with Fat Tony's voice from The Simpsons! Also the fact it stars Brendan Fraser and Steve Buscemi gives you an idea that it might not be that bad....no?? Oh ok... Have a look.

Next up is a funny film that I guess could be the reason a lot of people don't actually like the guy...

BILLY MADISON

Right then what's better than an adult playing a man child?? Nope didn't think you could find anything better, see trust me Vaderino's! I won't lie his voice can get on your nerves in this but it doesn't stop it being funny. Following Billy as he goes back through the school system so he can finally graduate and then take over his Dad's hotel business before his Father's evil second in command can. Have a look....

One thing that does come apparent during the film is Billy might have a slight drinking/substance abuse problem as he...well he see's penguins...random I know but can't honestly think of anything better to see can you? a 6 foot penguin that you think is after your girlfriend.....damn

Did I mention that this also stars Bridgette Wilson, who later became Mrs. Pete Sampras?

Damn he served a right ACE with this one...haha did you see what I did there?? Yeah, I'm so sorry too....




Ahem anyways let's move on shall we...Ahh yes my favourite Sandler movie...

HAPPY GILMORE

Now, I'm not even going to pretend that I either, like golf nor understand it. I find it tedious and boring as hell but when you end up with a complete nutcase with anger problems playing the sport, how can you not love it?

We follow Sandler as he plays Happy Gilmore, a waste of space in life who find out he has quite the knack for smashing a golf ball 400+ yards (apparently this is unheard of?? I dunno either!) he ends up getting onto the pro tour with the hope he can make enough money just to buy back his Grandma's house.

I can honestly say, I can recite this film, line for line. Did I mention...

My name is Vader and I am a geek.

Might as well get it all out of the system hadn't we? Ok have a look....

Even sat here re-watching the trailer I can't help but laugh. I must watch this at least once a month, it's the perfect film to pop on when there's nothing on or you're feeling a bit shit about everything, never fails to put me in a good mood! Oh oh oh story time....I actually bought this for £3 on VHS from Music Zone (R.I.P).....You are all welcome for me sharing that!

Let's move on....

THE WATERBOY

I will come right out and say it, I love American Football. Yes, I do understand it, I get the rules and what not and yes I did stay up and watch the Super Bowl as well as usually staying up to watch a game every other week when the season is on. I just love it and I equally love movie's based on the sport and this one is right up there for me.

Alright so maybe it isn't on the same level as things such as Remember The Titans and Friday Night Lights but it makes me laugh so there!!

Playing a socially awkward "water boy" under the rule of a pushy mother who won't let him do anything in his life and everything that's any good is "The Devil", Sandler shows that we can all find something we're good at....

Aww fuck why should I make this sound better, he's a bit "special" and finds out he can tackle the fuck out of people! It's funny and it's fun seeing people get smashed all over the place!!

Now I know that at least some of you will be fans of the man, fuck, his films make enough money, so there's definitely more than just me who's a fan!

You fans obviously by now, or at least I hope you would have noticed that I've left out a fair few of his "bigger works", and I'll explain why. I will just say that I'm only really talking about Sandler's full, balls out comedy films as his dramatic roles are few and far between and I would suggest you should check them out as, if you're not a fan,  you would be by the end.

I'm not going to beat around the bush here as it's taken you long enough to get to this point, so I'm going to give you a quick explanation as to why these haven't been included....

The Wedding Singer : 80's Shit.
Big Daddy : Parent Shit.
Little Nicky : Really Shit.
Mr.Deeds : Boring Shit.
Anger Management : Angry Shit.
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry : Homophobic Shit. **
You Don't Mess With The Zohan : Racist Shit.
Bedtime Stories : Disney Shit.
Funny People : Unfunny Shit.
Jack And Jill : Won't Even Watch This Shit.

(** Not really but couldn't find anything funny to explain how shit I think it is!)

Alright, maybe I am being a little bit too harsh here as a few of these do have a couple of redeeming features....but you're not going to be finding them here!!

So, maybe on reflection, I haven't painted the guy in too good a light. Come to think about it, for about 90% of his whole body of work he's played exactly the same character, ANGRY SHOUTY ADAM!!!!! It's only really his later work that he'd toned it down a bit (50 First Dates, Click, Grown Up's, Just Go With It....and yes I do enjoy those!)

Maybe this is why he's equally loved and hated?? Maybe 50% of people love his man child act and 50% want to kill him? I dunno either way I like the guy!

I will leave you with one thing though....

Vader Out!

Remake Or Not To Remake, That Is The Question

I'm sat here pondering, the eternal thought we all have.

Well maybe not all of us, but I know it's something I think about quite a lot, is a remake always a good thing?

Lately, for some unknown reason, Hollywood feels the need to give us something we've already seen, but shown in a new light. Ahh yes, there is also the brand new thing of "rebooting" a film to bring it to a new audience.

Does it work though, that's what I know you'd like to know so let's have a look at a few from the past 10 years or so and decide together, see here at Vader Towers I know you enjoy having to think, I mean why else would you keep coming back?

What I will point out is the fact that the majority of these reboots and remakes are actually of well loved horror films, which can make things even worse for geeks like me....Enough of this though, let's get to it!

THE AMITYVILLE HORROR

So here we go on our long (!!) ardours journey together, starting with the 1979 horror film, The Amityville Horror. Based on a "true" story (hmm yeah right, ok) it follows George and Kathy Lutz as they move into a new house. Normal so far isn't it?? Oh did I mention that said house was the scene of mass murder by a dude called Ronald DeFeo Jr, who thought it was all fine and dandy to slaughter 6 members of his family, what a lovely chap.

So yes, the Lutz's move in and last a grand total of 28 days before claiming they've been terrorised by unseen forces. RIGHT, first things first sure you just realised you couldn't actually afford the place?? How about the fact that 28 days is the usual stint in rehab isn't it? Maybe somebody had a drinking problem and forgot he'd been a bit of a dick towards his family?

Alright, alright maybe I'm being cynical as I don't believe shit like this but as it's a film and it's of the horror genre I shall leave my feelings at the door and carry on. 

Anyways, yes the family have some trouble with weird voices and the such and shit themselves and leave, which lets be honest if that happened to you and me we'd do the same thing.

One thing this has going for it is a brilliant performance by James Brolin. The longer the film goes on, the worse he starts looking due to lack of sleep, and numerous murderous thoughts and weird going ons. Here's the trailer for you to have a quick look at...

I don't know what's worse over that trailer? The dodgy piano music or the even dodgier voice over.

You get an idea of the film though and the trials and tribulations you get from living in a haunted house. What's more impressive is the fact that this one story somehow managed to produce 7 sequels!!! It's ok though, the Lutz's made some money out of the whole shebang so it's all good now....hmmm

This then leads us onto the remake from 2005

Ermm....right then 2005's The Amityville Horror.....errmmm ok. So same sort of story as the original but more of a basis on time (don't ask) and a mental preacher who killed native americans in the basement (ahh so that's why it's haunted...ok)

To say that this is shit would be a disservice to actual pieces of human excrement.

George Lutz in the original was just a normal guy, what do we get in this??

Yes Ladies, and this is for you, we get Ryan Reynolds looking like a fucking male supermodel, oh how life must have been so hard for these guys.

Here's the trailer for this....

What I do want you to do right now, is to go back to the poster for the remake and make it bigger if you can (Hey, I just write this shit!) and see if you can notice something at the top of the poster, a little line that should strike fear in your heart if you're a genuine horror fan....

"FROM MICHAEL BAY, THE PRODUCER OF THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE"

Oh yes, this is yet another abomination from Platinum Dunes, a production company created by Michael Bay, who specialise in horror films but mostly remakes of some real classics. Don't worry I'm sure over the course of this article we'll come across this company again....in fact....

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE

Now this is a bonafide classic in the horror genre. Following Leatherface (he's the big fuck off dude with the chainsaw in case you didn't know!) as he hacks and slashes his way through a group of complete fucking morons. When I say morons, I actually mean complete fucking brain dead idiots!!

We also meet Leatherface's family who are just as mental, hell they let the big man wear a dress to serve dinner....so not only is he a homicidal maniac wearing a mask made of leather (or possibly human skin, I dunno) and wielding a fucking chainsaw around like it's a shopping bag but he's a transvestite as well.....weird.

I wouldn't personally say it's a scary film if I'm honest, it's good but not great, it's funny but it's not supposed to be and so on and so forth, but I think you'd enjoy it if you like horror films and haven't yet seen it. Let's be honest though, if you're a horror fan and haven't seen it you must be weird.

What makes this more special though is the fact that it must have shit a fair few people up back in 1974 as it was actually banned here in the UK by the BBFC and only allowed a proper release in 1998!! Even more funnier if you do some research about it, is the fact that the director had hoped for a PG rating in the States, imagine how he must have felt when it came back to him rated as "X", which is pretty much a bad thing if you want to make some money from your picture!! After a few cuts, he managed to get the rating down to a "R". Some naughty cinema proprietors inserted the cut scenes back in and showed the film under the "R" rating, tut tut tut!!!

Have a look at the trailer....

If you notice from the trailer and the poster, they like to let you know that it's "BASED ON A TRUE STORY". Now not to ruin your fragile little minds if you believe this but....GASP, Leatherface never ever existed!! It's actually based upon a guy called Ed Gein who was a little "unhinged" shall we say. Killed,ate people and also had a liking to skin the bodies of women and wear them like an overcoat, nice guy though!!

So no matter what really happened in the film, after the fun and games of it being banned etc it's always going to live on in infamy and I'm kind of glad it does, as it signalled the start of some "proper" horror films.

Unlucky for us, the same name signalled the start of a scary trend in Hollywood as mentioned before..

Yes guys and gals, the 2003 remake of TCM was Platinum Dunes' first stab (guffaw) at the remake.

And.

It.

Sucked.

Yes, I saw this the day it came out as I was rocking the cinema uniform at the time and it would have been rude not to at least check it out. Jesus I wish I hadn't.... A little bit of advice for you though, if you want to see a horror film at the cinema, don't bother going on a Sunday night as that's when all the married couples who've palmed the kids off on Grandma go and it's pain in the arse and they seem to sell out more!

Same story really as the original so have to give them some credit for that I guess. Obviously there's going to be a few tweaks but it doesn't make it any better, it's shit. I know there will be fans of this over the original, probably 15 year olds who haven't seen a decent horror film before and believe this to be "scary", the fools!!!! They know nothing!!!

There is one redeeming feature for this though, and boys this is just for you...

Oh yes, obviously this isn't a still from the film like The Amityville Horror one and it's a bit bigger than the Ryan Reynolds one but I run this place and if I want to put up a picture like this for the male population, I bloody well will do!!!

Trailer time!!!

Back to where I was though, the original TCM spawned a few "questionable" sequels of which I don't want to even acknowledge if I can get away with it (TCM2 is pretty much a comedy....I'm not sure if it was intended to be that way either). Luckily for the world the remake only managed to spawn one sequel, which is just as bad and we haven't been subjected to anymore since 2006 so SCORE!!!!

I will warn you all, there is plans for another TCM film, this time a direct sequel to the original and to be shot in 3D!!!!!!!

Yeah, it will suck as well.


So there we have the first part of our look at remakes, I know you're thinking "Fuck, he doesn't post anything in months, then gives us 4 posts in such a short time, and he can't be bothered finishing this one in one sitting"...Well I will tell you now I actually started writing this bad boy over a year ago and thought I'd at least try and get it started and posted so be thankful!!!!

I do promise I will finish this soon as we've got quite a few remakes to still go through, with at least another 3 just to come from Platinum Dunes!!


So until next time....

VADER OUT!

I'm Going To Make You An Offer That You Can't Refuse....

Ok, so I know already that line isn't even uttered in the film we're going to be talking about today, but my theory was it was better to use that than to make some sort of shit pizza joke, no?

I know you all love my jokes, it's why you keep coming back but even so, I do have some standards (you wouldn't think so but...)

Where was I? See this is what happens, one minute you're talking about making crap jokes, the next you don't have a clue what you're doing and I'm far too lazy to even look 3" up the screen to see what I'd just wrote, times they are a changing. Oh ideas....how many song titles could I fit into one article?? Not doing it today as it would mean I have to think and I'm currently operating on about 3 hours of sleep which in turn makes it around 14 hours for the whole week (Damn you Oscars, damn you to hell!!!)

Damn!! I've gone and done it again, right let's start shall we???

GOODFELLAS

The reason for talking about such a classic film is.....well I watched it the other night and I didn't rightly know what else to talk about today, yeah it is one of those days!!!!

So let's talk about the story. We follow Ray Liotta (surprisingly he is the main character in this but looking at that poster you wouldn't think so would you?? Mind you, when you've got a legend like DeNiro in your film, you show that off, don't you?) who plays Henry Hill. Starting from when Hill is just a youngster, we follow him throughout his life, coming across various people and mobsters and joining the "gang" as such. This is where DeNiro and Pesci come in as Pesci plays Hill's best friend of sorts, Tommy DeVito. Jimmy Conway (DeNiro) finishes off our little ménage à trois as the trio of friends work hard to rise through the hierarchy of the mob. Tommy and Jimmy soon get ideas above their station and it's up to Henry to decide as to whether it's worth helping himself and his family or to keep his mouth shut for the sake of his friends and his life.

Of course there's a lot more going on as the film is just under 2 and a half hours long but I can promise you it's worth investing yourself fully. I will just add the film is directed by the legend, the master, my all time favourite director Martin Scorsese .

Want proof as to why he's just an amazing director?? Watch this bad boy....

 See what I mean?? Genius!!!

The most amazing thing about the whole film is when you find out it's actually based on a real story and Henry Hill is genuinely actually in Witness Protection in the States, although he does occasionally pop his head above the parapet.

Here we go as normal....a trailer just for you, not you though. I'm not sure I like you, but you other people, enjoy!


 

How amazing does it honestly look? See I know that's what you'd like, I know you people, well not really. I know the few people who I actually really know who read this, then there's the few I've spoke to but apart from that I don't actually know any of you. Talk about making things a little bit awkward between us......I still like you though. Well obviously apart from the one person I told earlier but even so we can still be friends....


My God, shh man just get onto rating the fucking film!!!


Yes, it's why you're here really. So Goodfellas I pronounce you the proud owner of

5 VADER WINKS!!!!

and instant

VADER CLASSIC!!!!!!

Well this was like drawing blood from a stone!!! Whether I keep posting on here now remains to be seen as I'm having so many problems using Blogger, it's officially becoming a piece of shit so I guess I'll be looking at some alternatives in the near future. I may, just may post up another piece today as I have nothing else to do.

Not that it means anything against you people as come on, you're my Vaderinos guys!!!! It's just, this time last year I was turning out articles left, right and centre and it was taking me about 10-20 minutes to get them up onto the site as it was that easy. Now with Blogger, well this is a short one let's be honest and it's taken me 45 minutes to write and arrange the poster and 2 videos as it was being fucking ridiculous!! But enough of me ranting and raving as it means nothing, keep your eyes peeled though people.

As always, love yourself and one anot....Ahhh fuck it, go out, get smashed and have a great night!

VADER OUT!




PS. I did mention the shit pizza joke so here it is.....

Told you it was shit!!!! So's the pizza though....oooh sick burn!

I AM A SUPER GEEK

2 posts......in the same day??

WOW.


Nothing major to report here, just some trailers I need you to see...


Enjoy.

.....Bang......Wallop?!?!

Well, well, well. What do we have hear??

It's me, it's me, it's the V, A, D, E, R...yeah that didn't look as good typed as it did when I said it in my head.... I'm so so sorry.

Annnnnnnyyyyywaaaaaayyyyssss, how you all doing? Well I hope?? I know I've neglected you all for months and months and the truth is...I just couldn't be bothered. Poor show from me I know but I just didn't have the energy to try to be funny and to give you all what you want.

THIS. HAS. CHANGED.

So enough of the pontificating and catching up, I bet you're dying to know what the title of this post is all about.....yes I thought so. If you have any brains, you'll notice that this is a common saying, but what's missing...

CRASH.

Well done kiddies, but what also goes with Crash? Well to crash you have to be in a.....

CAR.

Well done again, I'm so proud right now. Ok so if you're in a car, to crash it you have to be.....

NO!!! Not speeding but you have to be able to....

DRIVE

.
AHA...See what I did there??? Ahem.....

So let's get on it like a car bonnet.....or a chicken burger (Yeah, I don't know either)...or whatever it is the youth of today says...

First things first the story. It follows, well his name is "The Driver" that's it. Took them ages to think of that didn't it? He drives getaway vehicles for naughty baddies, but and here's the twist....he's also a stunt driver in the movies. OOOOH AHHHH.

Yeah, so, he drives, a lot.

Meets his neighbour, you can tell he wants a bit, makes friends with her little son, her husband comes out of jail, falls in with bad people again, Driver helps him, things go tits up, Driver tries to sort it.

Doesn't sound much but it has a lot of things going for it.....you ready??

THE DRIVER BARELY SAYS A WORD - This is true he doesn't and it works something stupid!!! It shows Ryan Gosling for what he is, a fantastic actor. The man can do no wrong in my eyes as it is but seeing him in this role, his actions, his facial expressions, just wow. I also think I've developed a little man crush on the man but shh.

THE ACTION IS AMAZING - This is also true. For a film shot without a massive budget the set pieces that the director squeezes out are genius, may I also add you wish after watching this that you could drive like that!

THE SOUNDTRACK IS EASILY ONE OF THE BEST THINGS EVER - Ok so this is where I get far too excited, this soundtrack is just.....well it rocks! From Kavinsky through to Desire and College and then finishing up with Cliff Martinez's score, it's a whirlwind of electronica inspired pop which fits in with the neon drenching of the film. For a brilliant example please avert your eyes to the little video window below...



See what I mean?? Amazing

HE WEARS A GOD DAMN WHITE JACKET WITH A BIG FUCK OFF GOLDEN SCORPION STITCHED INTO THE BACK - Need I say any more??

So to finish up......SHIT...Almost forget my precious', the trailer for your perusal...

Now it is time......

I award DRIVE..... 5 VADER WINKS and I am proud to award it...


VADER CLASSIC STATUS!!!!!!!


So there we go, I love this film, I love the soundtrack and I love Ryan Gosling but most of all I love you all.....ok well maybe not you Dave Fielding, you send me some weird things and say some things which make me question your sanity, also you admitted you come on here to see Bart's penis (Yes I'm still having trouble with that!!!)

I should be back soon as I've enjoyed doing this again and I've seen enough to actually write a few things so....

VADER OUT.

Here'ssssssssssss Johnny.......Jason.......Freddy?!? Anyone?!?!?!?!?!?!

Well hello there guys and gals, how we all doing?!?

I did promise us a bit of a treat this week, what with yesterday being Halloween. This would have been posted yesterday but alas a small computer problem put paid to that but we're not going to let that ruin our fun are we?

Nope didn't think so!!

As I did mention the other day we're going to spend a few days looking at a few different horror related things, so let's get this thing going shall we?

The plan I'm thinking would be to have a look at a few horror series, trailers for each one and the such and give you my own little take on them, sound good?

Well of course it does....I'm doing it after all! Let's GO!!!

SAW I-VII

Now then, 2011 actually sees the first year (well since 2004!) that Halloween hasn't been graced by Jigsaw, sad faces all round please.

I freely admit, I was....no wait I AM a massive fan of the series.Ok, Ok they are rather simple the further they got along and turned more into an extended advert for "how not to use ScrewFix Direct" and porn for the gore hounds, but my lord were they fun! Who honestly thought that something as low key and cheap as the first movie would turn into some sort of horror behemoth? Let's go back to the beginning and I'll show you what I mean...

SAW

Ok so we're actually talking about 2 guys, stuck in a dirty bathroom. Fun yes?

Well actually it is! Honestly it really is...Vader Promise! I remember as I've previously mentioned elsewhere on the site how this was a totally secretive film, posters (or "billboards" for you US readers!) sprung up almost overnight a week before release stating,

"DARE YOU SEE SAW?"

Well after initially seeing that and laughing (how could you not?) I wanted to see SAW, I wanted to know what it could be. The night came, I'm sat there, popcorn in hand, drink in the other and it started.....2 guys in a dirty bathroom. I thought for one minute I'd stumbled into the wrong film...oh wait, there's a dead due lay in the middle of the floor who's blown his brains out...WOW.....NO WAY, they're chained up by their ankles in this room....WHAT?? There's a serial killer called Jigsaw??

You kinda get the picture, I was mesmerized by what was unfolding up on the screen, I mean I'm not going to ruin anything for you here but "somehow" one of these 2 guys gets free and makes his bid for freedom and then the one thing that SAW became famous for started.

Oh yes Vaderites, THE TWIST! As the series moved along you always knew when it was coming, and no, lack of running time left wasn't it! It was this, a piece of music that became to be known as "Hello Zepp".

It's good that isn't it? As a fan, when you heard those opening bars start up, you got all excited and paid even more attention to see if you'd missed anything whilst watching the film that you could have missed which would have given everything away.

Another defining feature of every movie was the fact that every one was linked in some way either by a character (and I don't mean Jigsaw himself!) or a place/situation.

SAW II

Yes, ladies and gents the following year we were treated to a sequel which was every bit as good as, if not better than the original! SAW II is generally considered to be the best film of the whole franchise and well, I couldn't agree more!

This one follows a group of people in.....a smelly house, I'm actually starting to notice a bit of a pattern here, maybe in horror films you can't actually have a house or a warehouse of some sort that doesn't smell. I mean come on, you can't tell me Freddy's boiler room smelled good, or Leatherface's family home/abattoir smelt of roses? Hell I bet Jason has the worst body odour of anything you could ever imagine, in fact I can promise you that all these people he slayed with his machete were already dead from him just raising his arm to strike them with it....

"ARGHHHHH NOOOOO DON'T PLEASE, I KNOW WE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN HAVING SEX NEXT TO THE LAKE BUT ARGHHHHHH"

Jason lifts his arm to deliver the fatal blow

"WHAT'S THAT SMELL? EWWWWW"

Dead.


Splat, machete through the face. Yum.

Ahem where was I? Oh yeahhhhhh this one concerned a group of people in a house which has a chemical being pumped into it meaning that either way....well they're pretty much fucked as they have to make their way out of the house in a certain amount of time whilst dodging and beating Jigsaw's crazy "games". As always, there's a link between the main character and the guys in the house as well as a link to the first film.....fun times.

SAW III

Ahh SAW III, I remember your release just like it was yesterday, it wasn't, I mean come on I'm not the proud honour of a time machine nor have the need to hit 88mph.

Anyways, as I was saying, there was a lot of hysteria surrounding the film over here in Blighty due to the film being so "graphic" that people were being taken out of screening due to fainting and vomiting, muhahaha what fun!

Actually the screening I was in, there was at least 3 people carried out by friends, semi concious and numerous people being sick and what was I and my girlfriend doing?

Laughing.

I know that makes me weird right? The SAW franchise quickly became a highlight on both of our calendars and we always strived to be there opening night.

Enough of my love life though this one concerned a guy....in a smelly warehouse, see told you didn't I!! SAW III had more of a moral compass compared to the other films though as we follow a guy called Jeff who's having a bit of a hard time after his son was killed in a car crash and as he makes his way through the warehouse he comes across people that were involved in the case surrounding the death and we watch as Jeff makes the choices whether they live or die.

Deep huh?

So yeah as previously mentioned there is a link to SAW II, although minor in the general scheme of things but it does help tie everything in!

SAW IV

Ok, I know this one doesn't actually give you much but maybe that's for the best as the proper trailer pretty much gives away what happens at the end of 3!

A lot of people's complaints are directed towards the fact that we all wanted to know how Jeff's story would end, as after 3 there was a lot that could have happened, but no, it gets sewn up pretty quickly!

In this one Lt.Rigg (from SAW II and III, there's one of your links from previous films!) becomes an unwilling player in Jigsaws games ( in smelly places no doubt!). This is where things started going a bit pear shaped as you feel the writers were struggling to tie everything in with previous films and the twist that follows is pretty much obvious from the first 5 minutes of the film but it's still a bit of fun getting there. We also find out what finally happened to a character we first met in the second film, so yay!

SAW V

The trailer for this one, of which I'll be honest does show you a character from the 4th film so you get an idea that he does survive what happens to him, but apart from that this film....sucked.

Yes, even as a fan I can be honest and non-objective when telling you my feelings! you get the feeling that some of the events in this are just helping tide you over until the finale of the series whenever that may have been. Which when you think about it, is a pretty stupid thing to do as what would have happened if SAW V failed miserably? (Ok the studio knew it wouldn't as the SAW films had a knack of making their full budget back over the opening weekend....and more)

So we follow an FBI agent (the dude in the trailer and from IV) as he believes he's solved the case of who is Jigsaw's second accomplice, and meh. FBI agenty man runs around in some, I'm guessing, smelly places and so on and so forth. We also get to witness 5 people connected through circumstance going through some real shitty traps in what I can promise you, would be a smelly place! There is one part of this film though that is of some real importance come #7 though so keep those eyes peeled mmmmkay?

SAW VI

Ahh yes SAW VI, another shit entry into the whole SAW canon. I'm not really sure how much more I can add, this time we follow a group of people involved in insurance (who actually do tie into the whole mythology, don't ask) getting their "what for's".

This film just sucked majorly, it also brings in a character we've known about for a long time doing something pretty much out of character and something we have actually learnt over time, they were totally against, but hey, this is Hollywood baby! They do what they like!

Not too long after the release, it was announced that SAW VII would be the final film in the series. Us SAW geeks started getting all excited as we tried to figure out who or what was involved in the background of every film, that one person, or people who had been helping Jigsaw all along. Reviewers in magazines and on websites rejoiced at not having to sit through any more SAW films after the next one, and who could blame them?

SAW had slowly become a shadow of it's former self, a parody almost of hardcore gore porn. The more blood (CGI as well may I add...*GULP) split meant to the produces that more money would be made, and they were right. Forget about story or plot....no it's all about the moolah. And then the one sentence you don't want to hear muttered was announces

"SAW VII....in 3D"

Now I'm the first to admit, I'm not a big fan of this whole 3D revival going on, hell I remember how shit it was back in the 80's and there's nothing about a horror film shot in 3D (of which another film in our choices will be talked about this week!)

I started to worry...was I right to? Join us again after the break where we'll go through the final film in the series and wrap everything up for you in a tight, neat, pretty little bow just for you.


Oh, *ahem* welcome back, now, where were we?

SAW VII (or 3D, you know, whatever)

SEE, even the trailer doesn't even help it's cause does it?!?! All that shit flying out of the screen, give me a break!

I admit, when I saw (hahaha see what I did there...oh) this I worried. This should have been the grand finale of a great but bumpy horror series and it was turning into a complete joke. I think also having to pay like an extra £2 to see it pissed me off a little.

I walked into the cinema all angry (but still rocking the popcorn and drink!) and sat down at the first showing of the day waiting to be annoyed of how they ruined everything and couldn't even finish everything properly.

I was wrong.

Talk about a complete swerve ball and a return to form! Awesome traps, awesome deaths and the mother of all twists!! We go all the way back to the first film here which was a welcome thing after what we'd been through with the previous few films! In this one, we follow a self help guru who falsely stated he survived a Jigsaw trap and has made some money off of it. Our killer isn't to best pleased by this and decides to make him suffer whilst also playing games with the police, who now know the killers identity.

This was what it was all about a great film with such a massive shock of an ending that you sit there mouthing "WTF", oh and I did, I'm also pretty sure I said it out loud too, luckily I wasn't the only one! Yes, I know I keep going on about the twist but it's the big pay off that you'd been waiting 6 years and 7 films for and my lord, was it worth it.

So there we have it Vaderites, the first post of horror week. I hope you had fun reading it even in my strange style. I've been told that reading my writing is like you're actually sat in front of me as if I was speaking to you, whether that's the case, I don't know. I just aim to please and I really do hope you've all enjoyed today's post! I mean even if it makes you go out and rent/buy/steal these films, then hell, I've done a good job I'd say!



So keep well, look after yourselves and one anoth....shit no that's not me, before I sign off though I have one thing to say to someone about the whole SAW saga...

BITCH I WAS RIGHT!

Ahem anyways....

VADER OUT!!!

What's This? What's This? There's A Post Over There.....

Well, well, well if it isn't me, doing exactly what I promised hey?

I do have to apologise now, yes I used a lyric from The Nightmare before Christmas there, but seen as it's a CHRISTMAS film and I'm not a fan, it's going to be the only mention of it in this wholeeeeeeeee article!

Right anyways, back onto what I said I'd do. I'm thinking maybe do things a bit differently and instead of full reviews or a full list (seen as I've done it before) I'm just going to go through my DVD collection instead and open you up to some awesome (and ok, some seriously shit) films.

The question is where do I start....

CABIN FEVER

Ahh yes, let's take a trip back to 2002. I was 17 and pretty much failing at college, well ok I never turned up but come on. Ahem anyways.....So yeah a little film about a flesh eating "virus" attacking a group of "sexy" people in some redneck part of the US. 

I'm going to be totally honest with you right away though, seen as I'm good like that, I only wanted to see this because Rider Strong was starring in it. Anyone who knows him will be wondering why in the hell he would make me want to see it but what can I tell you, I was a massive Boy Meets World fan!!

 *cough* So yes Cabin Fever, directed by Eli Roth (his first movie) is a great little fun flick which does what you need to. It has the gore, it has the laughs, it has the country bumpkins, it has sex.....ermm actually it hasn't, I mean it could have led to that but....yeah see it and you'll know what I'm on about...Also ladies, just be careful when shaving your legs....if you know what I mean. Well your Venus razor will not work well if you're suffering from a particularly nasty strain of a flesh eating virus!

As for the sequel......just pretend there isn't one! If you get the chance though, please do pop this one in as I promise you, if you like your blood that extra shade of red, this is for you!!

Here's a trailer for you people to enjoy!

Ok, so next in the list, hmmm let me just lean over and look at the DVD's.....Ahh yes, why not...

Re-Animator

Oh yes, now this is a real fun film! I mean come on guys, just look at the tagline, "Herbert West Has A Good Head On His Shoulders... And Another One On His Desk". Come on, how can you not tell me that it doesn't sound like good fun!

Actually based upon a H.P Lovecraft story, the film focuses on a pair of medical students, one who is rather normal with a girlfriend and one who is....well Herbert West. Good 'ol Herb likes messing about with dead tissue and well.....this leads to all manner of things. Dead cats coming back to life? Yep we've got that! Re-animated corpses baying for blood? Yeah, we've got that too. The severed re-animated head of a suspecting doctor performing oral sex? Ermm yeah we've got that one as well.

But don't let that put you off, this is a fun, gory film which spawned a few sequels and made a B-Movie star out of Jeffrey Combs, so trust me on this one, get a copy and get it watched!

Have a quick look at this then seen as I'm hoping you're still here!

Once I started writing this article I came to the conclusion that alot of the horror films in my collection are actually parts of a series of films so I'm going to dedicate a few articles over the next few days, detailing each film in the series and maybe a *GASP* short explanation on why I'm such a big fan! So promise me you're not going to be sat there reading this going "oh come on he's left out xxxxxx or yyyyyy", Well people, chances are what you're thinking about will be here soon! In fact let's make it a bit of a horror week....what ye s....oh wait....I can't actually hear you, funny that. Maybe one day they will invent some sort of programme which means we could speak over the intern..

What?

Really??

Oh......

So there it is, I'll call this one quits for now and get planning on the "collection" posts, we've got Saw, we've got A Nightmare On Elm Street, hell we've even got Friday The 13th!! Amongst those we'll also have a few surprises thrown in, that I can guarantee.

So sorry if this wasn't what you were expecting tonight but....well no excuse I just felt like it!

So keep tuning in over the rest of the weekend and the rest of the week and see what I can write for you Vaderites, I know you love it really...

No?

Oh...sorry

VADER OUT!!!