Tuesday, 6 March 2012

Remake Or Not To Remake, That Is The Question : THE REVENGE!!!!!!

How do.

Let's not fuck about today shall we, it's the final part of our epic anthology (!!) delving into the idea of remakes and reboots! (If you haven't caught the other parts they are here, here, here and yep you guessed it, here!)

So then, so far we've looked at Platinum Dunes and their constant attempts to sully the good name of classic horror films, a list of some of the biggest remakes and then finally, a list of foreign language films remade for the English speaking world. I promised that with the final piece in this story of ours, we'd look at some future remakes/reboots.

Luckily (or unluckily depending how you look at it!) we have a pretty massive, maybe unnecessary, "reboot" coming in just a few short months, and 2 massive classics in the next year or so.

You ready??

Yeah I though you might be......


Right, I'm going to be deadly honest with you now. I HATED the idea of this. I'm a big Spidey fan have been since I was a kid. The excitement I felt when I first heard they were going to be putting him up on the big screen back in 2000 I couldn't handle it! The cold sweats started and yeah, maybe a little bit of pee came out* but it was going to take yearsssssss, how could I cope?

(*NOTE - I didn't really pee, I'm not 70+*)

(*ANOTHER NOTE - Apologies to anyone who's 70+ who reads this and doesn't pee themselves, I don't mean to offend, even if you might smell of it and murray mints, but who am I to judge?)

Well being an idiot and 15, I went to my local library and book shop and got everything I could to get myself back up to speed, ends up I hadn't forgot that much so that was nice! Anyways back to what I'm on about. So yes, it was announced that Sam Raimi would be bringing your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man to the big screen, and in 2001 we were treated to our first "teaser trailer".

This trailer was a thing of beauty with a few little secrets thrown in for serious geeks fans like me to appreciate. There was one problem with the trailer and it was quickly pulled from the net. I'll let you see for yourself...

Yep, the Twin Towers took centre stage and after 9/11, the team at Sony believed it could be slightly disrespectful and pulled it. I mean, you can't blame them after the atrocities of that day, it's just a shame that this couldn't have been seen by more people.

So in May of 2002, Spider-Man hit the big screen. It was full of action and humour, sincerity and some of the best special effects that had been seen. Retelling the origin of our web swinging hero and showing him battling with one of his most famous enemies, The Green Goblin, Sony had a massive hit on their hands and quickly green lit a sequel.

Spider-Man 2 arrived in 2004 and was even better that the original. More action, an amazing villain in Alfred Molina's portrayal of Doctor Octopus and a great look at a classic Spidey storyline in which he decides to give up being Spider-Man. The film made over $780 million worldwide. Of course what does making money mean to a studio?


Spider-Man 3 arrived in 2007. This time the plan was to show Peters battle with a symbiote which bons to him giving him a rather fetching black suit, sexual yes? Facing off against Sandman and then against Spidey's main arch enemy Venom.

The main problem with 3 though was the fact it felt like Venom had been shoe horned into the film and most probably not at Raimi's request. The story is that Raimi isn't a fan of the Venom character, but Sony know he's a big fan favourite and made sure he would be involved. It ends up we actually get a rather poor presentation of such a "anti hero". The film had quite a few problems, it felt like there was too much going on what with Peter going all "emo" and it was derided by the fans and critics alike, could this be the end?

Well as it ends up, it was but there's actually a few twists and turns first. The film made over a $100 million more than 2 so the next logical step would be to make a fourth. It was quickly announced that Raimi as well as Tobey Maguire would be back. Whisperings started that Sony weren't too happy with the story but then a major coup was announced....

John Malkovich had signed on to play Vulture. Things soon started looking up for Spidey 4, the fans started to get excited again...then the news came in early 2010.

Raimi and Maguire were out, which of course meant Malkovich was too, and Spider-Man 4 wouldn't be happening.

So you can imagine, the fans were disappointed, but things then turned weird when not long afterwards it was announced that there would be another Spider-Man film and more puzzling.....it was to be a reboot.

The fans were in uproar, "it's not even 10 years old" was the cry and then when we heard that Marc Webb (is that not the perfect name for the director of a film about a man with spider abilities?) the director of the "romcom" [500} Days Of Summer would be directing it got even weirder.

He's never done action before so we were worried. Then Andrew Garfield of The Social Network was announced to be our new Spidey people started getting really worried as well as finding out it was yet another origin story. Things looked up when we found out that Rhys Ifans would be playing Doctor Connors who if you know your Spider-Man lore would turn into The Lizard.

Then we got a trailer following Spidey running across rooftop and the such, it looked pretty cool. Then someone on a video game website noticed that it was pretty much an exact replica of a trailer for a game called Mirror's Edge....have a look

Talk about awkward......

A few pictures surfaced of Spidey showing that he'd be using mechanical shooters instead of the questionable "organic" ones used in the previous trilogy, this news brought a few fans around as well as some showing that the film makers would be using a lot of practical effects for the swinging and such.

Another teaser was shown and then only a few weeks ago we were finally given a proper trailer and well....the web (haha) went into meltdown and The Amazing Spider-Man quickly shot into the position of one of the must see films of 2012!!!

I did post the trailer only a few days ago here (along with The Avengers trailer!) but seen as I'm such a cool all round nice guy...

Wow just wow. This could actually be the one time where a reboot/remake is the right way to go about things!! The Amazing Spider-Man is released in the US on July 3rd and in the UK on July 4th!!

Wow, I didn't realise I was just waffling for the majority of that, ahem. Promise I'll keep the rest short and sweet as there isn't that much info out around these just yet!

Oh but quickly, how fucking cool is that poster??

Next up is a reboot that I'm really, really not happy about!


I know I bang on about how such and such a thing is my favourite film and what not, well what can I say? I have a huge list of films that I can class as being favourites, I'm one of these people that can't make my mind up so instead of deciding on just one, I have about 40! The Evil Dead is right in that list (along with it's 2 sequels!)

Following our hero Ash as he goes to a small cabin in the woods with a few friends and stumble across "The Book Of The Dead" (also known as The Necronomicon) The idiots play a recording of the owner of the cabin reciting passages from the book which brings a few nasty spirits and demons to them. The kids start getting killed and possessed left, right and centre and it's up to Ash to get angry on their asses!

It's a fun little flick with a rather strange....well the only way I can describe it is tree rape scene! Yes you did read that right, a tree rape scene. Don't ask just watch.

With the film gaining a cult following and become popular, Sam Raimi (that guy again!) was given the chance to make a sequel Evil Dead 2 : Dead By Dawn. To be honest with you it's pretty much a remake of the first film but with a bigger budget.

Of course with a sequel, you've got to make things bigger and better and fuck, they sure did. Ash (who by the way is played by the amazing Bruce Campbell!) developed a real cocky attitude that included some amazing one liners that have entered into pop culture and his obsession with the chainsaw to a whole other level, wink wink.

With ED2 doing well it caught the attention of the studios who threw money at Raimi to make a third film which followed on the story set up at the end of 2, but the dynamics had changed. The way I like to explain the Evil Dead trilogy to anyone who asks me about it (which is actually quite a few!) is that The Evil dead is a horror, Evil Dead 2 is a horror comedy and Army Of Darkness (ED3) is just a comedy. It doesn't mean it's bad but if you were expecting a gory horror film with a bigger budget you will be let down.

The ending of Army Of Darkness does set you up for a fourth film.....a film that's never arrived and I'd say most probably never will, which is kind of upsetting but we have to deal with it.

Then, a few years back it was announced that a remake was being prepared with Ashton Kutcher down to star. After I stopped choking on my coco pops, it was soon mentioned that he wasn't being considered and things were progressing but slowly, which when you don't want something to happen, is always a good sign!

Things had been a bit quiet for a couple of years until things kicked right into gear in July of 2011. A director was announced and a script had been wrote. Bigger news came when we found out that Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell had signed on to produce, which when you don't want a classic to be ruined, I suppose it a great sign. More news broke that Diablo Cody of Juno (shit film) fame was brought in to revise the script so maybe things are looking up a bit? Or maybe not as it's been announced that the protagonist will now be a woman, I doubt she'll be sawing her own hand off and fashioning a rather fetching chainsaw appendage, do you?

 Ok so we won't know until it's finally released in 2013 and yeah, I'm not happy that they're remaking it but I'll still be there opening night to catch it, I just pray for their sake they get it right.

Those deadites are evil little fuckers when pissed off you know....

Last on this opus is....


Right then Vaderino's, please point out to me what is wrong with that picture.

Yep you've got it "COMING 2010" and we're now in March of 2012 so something tells me there's been a leeeeeeeeeeeeetle bit of a fuck up, don't you?

So this poster was first shown at some expo back in 2008, we had heard there was a remake being worked on way back in 2005 but nothing more had been heard until this popped up. At Comic-Con 2008, Darren Aronofsky was announced to be directing, well this piqued my interest and I'm sure a lot of other peoples. At Comic-Con 2009 when asked about the remake as nothing more had been heard and with MGM having a presence at the show, it was said that there would be no information available about the film. They would say though, that due to a few scheduling conflicts the film would be pushed back to 2011, but wouldn't confirm or deny if Aronofsky was still involved. This should have set the alarm bells ringing and soon enough in January of 2010 it was announced the film was on hold. One of the main problems being that after the board of MGM had seen Avatar and the success of it they wanted it to be in 3D. One small teeny wincey problem there, MGM were...well financially a bit fucked.

Then in February of 2011 news came out that MGM still had plans to make the film but with a new director attached and then the news started to flow like a broken toilet full of shit.

March 2011 a screenwriter was announced and then in April 2011 it was mentioned that MGM were apparently looking at people like Tom Cruise, Keanu Reeves and Johnny Depp to step into Alex Murphy's rather shiny shoes. Talk about a turnaround, things looked good. And then in June of that year at another expo, more promotional items were shown of which you can find the pictures here.

Then only a few days ago in fact, on March 3rd 2012 it was announced that Joel Kinnaman would be playing Robocop....Can anybody say "Let Down"????

So there we have it concerning the remake, but for the uninitiated ones of you in the audience I'll just let you know about the original...

Released back in 1987, set in Detroit which is now run by a company called OCP, we follow Alex Murphy, a veteran cop reassigned to a tough new precinct due to OCP reassigning the force in the hope that someone will be killed in the line of duty and be implemented into their new cyborg programme. Of course Murphy's first day goes really well and he dies. Well ok he's sadistically murdered by the local nutter but still, he's dead. Well.....of course OCP now have that body they need and Murphy becomes the first "Robocop".

We watch as Robocop tries to integrate into a bigoted police force and deal with the remaining memories from Murphy whilst trying to save Detroit from the criminal who murdered Murphy and OCP.

The film became a hit not only due to the violence and story but due to the director's, Paul Verhoeven, social commentaries on things such as capitalism, corruption and privatisation.

Now I've always loved Robocop, due to being around 5 (the sequel was released in 1990 so it was all over the TV) and knowing all about him but also not being allowed to watch the original film. Of course I'm an only child, so I conned my parents into renting me the original (which was an 18 here in Blighty) and sitting down to watch it with me. We got up to Murphy being mutilated with shotguns before they turned it off, so I had to wait a few years again until I could finally watch it all the way through. It did make me the coolest kid in the playground though, I was the only one allowed to be Robocop due to me getting to see the film (they were 5, I could have told them that Robocop rode a unicorn and the dumb fuckers would have believed me!!) and also as I did the best impression of him walking, sound effects included free of charge!!

I wouldn't say Robocop was a large part of my childhood, although the short lived cartoon series and subsequent video games and action figures certainly helped it become a part of my film loving mind. This leads me to the question, am I sure I want to see a remake??

Yes I do as the sequel and subsequent threequel weren't very good, mind you neither was the live action TV show but what can you do?

But I also want to say No, as I don't honestly believe you can do any better than what Paul Verhoeven achieved.

As always I'm going to have to just wait and see what they can muster up.....if they ever manage to actually get it to the big screen.

So there we have it guys and gals, the journey is ove...What?


Aww fuck sticks....I'm so sorry that I even forgot...

Sorry haha but on an added note check out the use of the Terminator theme haha. It's actually quite ironic as a comic book and video game was made on the idea of Robocop Vs. The Terminator.

Now where was I? So yes, the journey is finally over, I hope you've enjoyed a look into remakes and reboots and I hope you're now asking that question.

It is worth it?

You tell me.

Vader Out....

PS. Oh by the way, we may, just may be getting a guest reviewer in to have a discussion over a few things! Whether it will be a straight forward review or something like a transcript of us arguing over the best and worst points of a film, I don't know, it's totally up to them at this point in time! I'll keep you updated though!.


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