ON THE 31ST JANUARY 2011, THE VADER MOVIE FILES PROUDLY BROUGHT YOU THE FIRST PART OF THIS ARTICLE, CHRONICLING THE SHITTEST COMIC BOOK FILMS OF ALL TIME. FIRST UP WAS SPAWN, THAT EVEN THOUGH THERE MAY BE ACTUAL FANS OF IT, SUCKS HARDER THAN A $5 HOOKER ON THE CORNER OF YOUR LOCAL RED LIGHT DISTRICT. THIS WAS SWIFTLY FOLLOWED UP BY BATMAN AND ROBIN, OFFICIALLY THE MOST NIPPLE FILLED SUPERHERO FILM YOU SHALL EVER WITNESS.......WHAT NEXT FOR OUR BRAVE EXPLORER OF ALL THINGS SHIT??
COME TAKE A LOOK IN.......COMIC.BOOK.MOVIE? PUT IT BACK ON THE RACK AND WALK AWAY.....SLOWLY...PART 2: THE REVENGE OF THE NERD!!!!!
Wow that was intense.....let's not piss around though, why don't we get straight into it with......
FANTASTIC FOUR
Now, growing up and reading the select few comic books I was privy too at my local newsagents, the Fantastic Four was one that I occasionally managed to get hold of. I also grew up watching the cartoon, so I knew enough of the backstory and the goings on in the dynamic of the group to know what would be going on.....guess what? I sat there scratching my head as it was just confusing.
Nooooo not the story but how could anyone like Ioan Gruffudd pull someone like Jessica Alba?? Talk about far fetched man....... And you're going to make me believe that they were together, and let his best friend and her brother crash at their place?? Yeah ok..... Oh and that he's the most brainiest guy in the world.....I'm not even going to carry on as I'm getting more confused. What I will say is that Chris Evans (no, not the ginger prat with glasses!) gives a pretty good portrayal of Johnny Storm, he's cocky, annoying and pretty much perfect in my eyes. I will say I'm really looking forward to seeing what he can do as Captain America if i'm honest with you. As always I know I can be boring and you guys love watching a video so here we go.....
Another thing I'll give this steaming pile, is the effect of Ben's skin as the The Thing. It's pretty cool as you could almost believe he was made from rock. Don't worry guys as this isn't the last time we're going to see these guys as...well as a matter of fact they're the next film in our list today....
FANTASTIC FOUR:RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER
Wow that was a mouthful! Well first thing, I still can't believe that Ioan Gruffudd could pull someone like Jessica Alba. The only plus point for this one is the fact they made Silver Surfer actually believable with how they did the effects. I'm not going to bore you with anything about this one apart from one little thing, and if you're a fan of comic books and know you're Marvel universes you'll understand how bad this is....
THEY MADE GALACTUS A FREAKIN' CLOUD!! A PLANET EATING CLOUD!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT?? THE DUDE IS A BIG FREAKIN' ROBOT NORMALLY!!!!
So as you can tell, this one has a hell of a lot to answer for....which I guess means after the trailer we can move onto the next one......
STEEL
See, I'm betting that hardly any of you have ever seen this have you? Lucky you really! It's only been these last few years that I've made the connection between this turd and comic books. Back in the day when Superman actually died at the hands of Doomsday, the aftermath was soften by the eventual return of the Man of Steel (see where I'm going here?) During the off season where Superman was probably sunning himself somewhere, a few pretenders to the crown arrived and Steel was one of them. A dude wearing a suit made of steel who carried around a big hammer with a big Superman symbol on his metal chest. Guess what though....this has fuck all to do with Superman! It stars Shaq, and a very depressing Judd Nelson, I mean remember when that guy was relevant? It's just a complete mess the whole thing (maybe linking it to Superman might have had people interested??) and the less said about it, the better. Here's the trailer for you and a little present too.
Your present, how could you tell that this was based on a DC Property honestly?
Spot the difference? Also laugh at the fact that Shaq once headlined movies, yes it did happen once upon a time!
So next on our list hmmm I don't know how much more worse this could go, we'll get there though as we can't make this a trilogy, we all know they never work, See what I mean? Oh I know...Yesssss in fact this is the ultimate in pissing all over your property.....
Ladies and Gentleman I present to you, CAPTAIN AMERICA
So next on our list hmmm I don't know how much more worse this could go, we'll get there though as we can't make this a trilogy, we all know they never work, See what I mean? Oh I know...Yesssss in fact this is the ultimate in pissing all over your property.....
Ladies and Gentleman I present to you, CAPTAIN AMERICA
Theatres everywhere? Did I miss something then? I don't recall ever seeing this anywhere near a cinema! I mean I was like 5 at the time but that's not the point! What I do remember is excitedly slamming the VHS into my player and hitting play. My god was it a big mistake. Red Skull is no longer a nazi? When did I miss that memo? He's now a what?? An Italian fascist?? Oh god....why did it all go wrong Marvel? Why did you have to put us through this? Everything about this is terrible, the acting, the effects, the story! Want one little tidbit from this? Cap is played by Matt Salinger, son of J.D, yep that's all I can come up with! I mean even look at his costume, he looks like he's wandered off a porn parody!
Look at that sexy rubber suit!!!!
Luckily for us all, Marvel are trying to make up from letting this ever go into production with this years, Captain America : The First Avenger, which as you can see at least doesn't make Cap look like a gay porn star......
Oooh gritty!
Well here's the trailer for this piece of cack for you to watch, you know, because I'm nice like that!
To be honest with you, If you really want to see this have a search round Youtube as the whole film is there for you to watch, but remember you have been warned!!!
So we're coming to the end of our epic look at the worst comic book films ever, I know it's been emotional but I can't leave you without a special look at a pretty bad comic book film that wasn't really made to be seen by anyone!
Strange I know but it's true! It was made to extend a licensing rights deal and you can tell! Roger Corman is the man we can thank for bring this ultra low budget film to the screen. The effects are so bad, I could have made them with a bit of latex, paint and a match! The film in question stars our favourite superhero family yet again, The Fantastic Four. I managed to get hold of a copy a few years ago and man it's bad. The acting isn't that bad, neither is the story but with the effect being that poor, well you make it out for yourself. If you have a look around the net you can find a copy that you can download (not that I condone that kinda thing you see but we all have needs I guess!) and you can see what I mean!
At least the suits sort of keep in line with the comics.....
There we have it though, the end of the article, yes I may have left Daredevil out or The Punisher films but I think you've got enough to be thinking about for now!
So my Vaderites, there we have it, will this article return who knows? I mean, you can never keep a good dog down maybe the same with comic book films?
THE END????
Well here's the trailer for this piece of cack for you to watch, you know, because I'm nice like that!
To be honest with you, If you really want to see this have a search round Youtube as the whole film is there for you to watch, but remember you have been warned!!!
So we're coming to the end of our epic look at the worst comic book films ever, I know it's been emotional but I can't leave you without a special look at a pretty bad comic book film that wasn't really made to be seen by anyone!
Strange I know but it's true! It was made to extend a licensing rights deal and you can tell! Roger Corman is the man we can thank for bring this ultra low budget film to the screen. The effects are so bad, I could have made them with a bit of latex, paint and a match! The film in question stars our favourite superhero family yet again, The Fantastic Four. I managed to get hold of a copy a few years ago and man it's bad. The acting isn't that bad, neither is the story but with the effect being that poor, well you make it out for yourself. If you have a look around the net you can find a copy that you can download (not that I condone that kinda thing you see but we all have needs I guess!) and you can see what I mean!
At least the suits sort of keep in line with the comics.....
There we have it though, the end of the article, yes I may have left Daredevil out or The Punisher films but I think you've got enough to be thinking about for now!
So my Vaderites, there we have it, will this article return who knows? I mean, you can never keep a good dog down maybe the same with comic book films?
THE END????
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